Grannies at the airport

I’m walking into the airport at 9am. My flight is at 10:50am. I think I’m way too early… until I get to the security check.

Sprawling line. Screaming kids. Annoyed old people.

I stand patiently in the snaking line.

My laptop is out. My coat is off. I have my boarding pass and passport ready – Bring it.

I get near the “show me your boarding pass” podium and see that they are separating us into two lines. There are two podiums “for our convenience.”

Of course, I pick the wrong line.

The line isn’t moving at all. I look ahead and realize why: there are two arthritic, wheel-chair bound grannies at the head of the line.

The security officer is scrutinizing their IDs as if there is a security alert out for a blue-haired bomber.

Everyone in line watched the painfully slow ordeal of Grannie-A taking off her shoes, getting helped out of the wheel chair, and slowly shuffling towards the metal detector.

The airline assistant then folds up Grannie’s wheel chair and shoves her belongings through the x-ray machine.

The metal detector guy has to lead Grannie-A through the machine. Shuffle-shuffle.

He then wands Grannie-A down, and tells her to go to the extra-screening area.

The whole process repeats for Grannie-B.

Once the grannies are out of the way, the line starts moving again…but then a soccer-mom looking woman is pulled aside. Instead a boarding pass, she has this marked up half sheet of paper… it looks more like half of an old boarding pass she found in a trash can.

The four security officers mull over the boarding pass, “this doesn’t look right…” and they eventually send her back to the ticket counter.

The problem is that the woman’s husband and daughter already have their shoes off and all of their belongings in the buckets. The officer calls the father over,
Security: “Sir, please gather your belongings and come with us.”
Father: “What’s the problem?”
Security: “Sir, we need you to get your things and come over here.”
(Now angry) Father: “You mean I have to put my shoes, sweater, coat, and all that other stuff back on and get out of the line?”
Security: “Yes. And then come over here to the side.”
The father is not thrilled. He storms back to the metal table and tells his daughter to put her coat and shoes back on. The security people watch the father bitch… and they mutter about what a jackass he is “less than professional” comments.

I eventually get through security and check the flight arrival screen.

My flight’s delayed. Snow in Iowa or something….so I wait at the airport McDonald’s.

There are families with litters of small children and serious men clutching newspapers.

There’s also a bar (The Lodge) across the hallway. It’s 9:30am and there’s a guy finishing what’s definitely not his first…

The free wireless at the airport is limited, but it lets me go to the airport website.

I load the MSP-Airport website to check my flight time. A page loads with the following disclaimer:
Flight Information

The arrival and departure information contained within the following link is obtained from a source other than the Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport. The Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport accepts no responsibility regarding the accuracy of this information and is not responsible for typos, errors or inaccuracies of any kind.
http:// flightarrivals.com
I follow the link. Flightarrivals.com doesn’t have any record of my flight’s delay. Fail.

So, curious, I go back to the MSP-Airport site and read their terms of service. The whole electronic contracting/ browsewrap reading from Contracts came back to me.

From the terms of service:
The user of the Metropolitan Airports Commission’s (“MAC”) website expressly agrees that use of the MAC’s website is at the user’s sole risk.

… The MAC makes no representations or warranties, express or implied, with respect to the use of or reliance on the data provided on the website, regardless of its format or means of transmission. There are no guarantees or representations to the user as to the accuracy, currency, completeness, suitability, or reliability of the data on the website, for any purpose. The data published on the website could contain technical inaccuracies or typographical errors. The user accepts the data “as is,” and assumes all risks associated with its use.

The MAC assumes no responsibility for any damages resulting from, caused by, or associated with the user’s reliance on or use of the data, use of the website, or for the delay or inability to use this website, even if appraised of the likelihood of such damages occurring.
In regular-speak that means: “this information may or may not be correct and sucks for you if it’s not.”

And because they outsourced their flight time info, it’s a “double sucks for you, we aren’t responsible.”

Great. Thanks.

Luckily the limited wireless also loaded nwa.com, which had accurate information…

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The plane lands in Miami. We are standing in the isle, bags in hand… first class is already off the plane, but no one else is moving…

Why?

The grannies. Grannie-A and Grannie-B are on the plane. Canes in hand…shuffling.

Bah! Took about 10 minutes for them to get off.