Fag Hags

I usually share viral foolishness over on facebook and twitter, but I’m going to comment on two things.

1. A Christian’s view of Fag Hags.

This parody article is laughably bad, for example:

“The more time a girl spends with her homosexual friends, the more she will fall under the influence of their habits and mannerisms. She might pick up homosexual fashions and dress mannishly.”

And,

“The homosexual often uses his high degree of promiscuity to gain access to overbooked restaurants (slept with a waiter), private parties (slept with the host’s boyfriend) and expensive clubs (slept with the drummer playing that night). It is an astonishingly incestuous world.

The reason for such incest? The homosexual is like a locust– limber, voracious and without conscience. They consume everything in their path, stripping the purest things bare, leaving them barren and alone in the cold night air. They will rampage through cities and cultures, whether it’s San Francisco or the Brazilians, the hallowed chambers of the Vatican or internet chat boards.

Our straight women in love with gay men don’t seem to comprehend that once they’ve been dropped off for the night at their doorfronts, the homosexual’s adventure is really just beginning.

More bars and clubs, the after-hours establishments, cocaine, crystal meth, sex bathhouses, motel room sex parties, tricking in truckstops, prancing in parks, the true nature of these men is now revealed. The lengths to which the homosexual will go to destroy any scent of propriety and humanity in themselves would shock their early-evening female companions and it begs larger questions about our culture.”

And,

“As these once-hopeful women age, they become far too accustomed to the homosexual male and far too unfamiliar with the heterosexual ones. They have false expectations for every straight man they meet. They demand these men take pleasure in shopping and watching shows like Glee. Instead of football games and grandpa’s cookouts, she’ll opt for spotting celebrities at high-end cocktail bars. No hosting bridal showers and Boca Raton weekends for them, no they’ll demand something more excessive– film noir movie marathons and New Year’s Eve parties at Mexican resorts.”

And the best part EVER:

“All this time spent around gay men comes at a cost. When the firm, bass tones of masculinity command such a young woman, she will long for the shrill call of the homosexual.

When asked by a heterosexual male to be the quiet but pleasant companion at business functions or family dinners out, the girl will rebel. This is a litmus test of just how far off course she has gone.

If she is a fully formed “fag hag,” she will abandon her straight mate at these social events and lurch for the bar, ordering up a frizzy cocktail while seeking any hint of homosexuality in the bartender’s eyes.
If she has come this far, she is now fully allergic to the requirements of being a wife and the bartender’s scandalous bits of gossip whispered over margaritas will only worsen the rash of autonomy that she has developed.

One valid point (probably the only one) raised in the article is that some girls use their gay friends as ersatz boyfriends: the stereotype of the attractive gay guy with the overweight ever-single female friend. Everything else in the article is a hot mess.