The apartment seller

I completed the move to my new apartment and the new mission is renting out my old apartment so I don’t have to pay double rent for September. I spent the majority of the morning inhaling Soft Scrub fumes while polishing old apartment’s kitchen. I then had seven showings today, which was exhausting.

The worst showing of the day was this angry old black woman and her big flamboyant nephew. He’s bouncing around the apartment lisping “honey child” and “ooo gurl” as she gives the Marge Simpson growl and screams “DON’T TOUCH ME!”

Auntie crabby kept asking whether things were going to be replaced. Are we getting a new fridge? New tub? New sink? Why is it a sublevel?

I wanted to point out that the landlord wasn’t going to replace shit given that the unit is a two bedroom for $785 including heat and water. I also wanted to suggest that she needs to upwardly address her price range if she wants everything to be updated…but instead I just smiled and repeated, “No, I don’t think the landlord will replace the heating system, sink, or install a vodka fountain.”

There were a few people that were actually interested, but I am jaded. I have shown this unit 20-30 times and several people raved about the apartment only to disappear on the way to the leasing office. More showings are scheduled for the rest of the week and I have until Thursday until I am on the hook for the double rent. Here’s hoping.