It snowed a bit yesterday.
Both Minneapolis and St. Paul declared snow emergencies. During a snow emergency, certain streets become no-parking zones so the streets can be plowed.
Parking on the wrong street during a snow emergency means a few hours at an impound lot and a hefty fine.
The City of Minneapolis has a parking grid available online. St. Paul doesn’t. This was a problem because Trivia night is in downtown St. Paul, and I did not know if my car was safe because I could not find any “we plow here” signs.
I was scared of getting towed, so I left the bar to move my car to a garage.
The construction in downtown St. Paul and the random one-way streets caused me to spend at least 15 minutes driving in a huge, awkward circle. I ended up on the wrong side of the street several times. The cops got suspicious. It was a disaster.
I eventually found a parking garage near the bar. The garage was underground and looked like a basement from the SAW horror movies. The lighting was dim and the columns were unpainted. Rats somersaulted on the partially flooded floor.
I walked to the pay booth and saw a sign that read “Garage closes at 10pm. Plan accordingly.”
A random middle-aged woman enters the garage and I ask her how one gets into the building after 10pm.
Random woman: “After 10pm? I dunno. Just park in the covered alley.”
Me: “The covered alley?”
Random woman: “Yes. There’s a covered alley right on the side of the building that has parking spaces. It’s always empty. Here, let me show you. Follow me.”
So I let the random woman take me to the abandoned covered alley, and then park.
The “covered alley” is more of a tunnel. It is the kind of tunnel where a jogger finds a burned body on Law & Order. I leave my car with the understanding that I will be killed and eaten upon my return. Thank god Christopher Meloni will find my body and launch an epic investigation sponsored by Johnson & Johnson, a family company.
Trivia night was a sprawling conversation. Jake, Bill, and I exchanged stories until almost 2 a.m.
I then snuck back into the tunnel, fetched my car, and zipped back to Minneapolis, the city of clear parking restrictions.
