Jack meets Seth Rogen

Jack’s boyfriend dumped him on Friday, so we went to the clubhouse, and my job was to play wingman/matchmaker.

Jack’s problem is that he’s absolutely oblivious at the bar and never notices when someone is hawking him. We eventually come across a guy who looks like Seth Rogen. Seth not only shoots Jack the eye, but completely turns around in his seat to gawk!

Of course Jack does not notice this guy practically falling out of his seat to look at him, so it is time for me to go to work as cupid.

Seth and his sidekick go to the dance floor. I grab Jack and go into hot pursuit. On the dance floor I walk up to Seth’s sidekick and tell her that Jack is interested in her friend.

What does Jack do? He flees the room!

It took 10 minutes for me to convince Jack to go back to the dance floor. Once I coax Jack back, Seth’s sidekick and I practically shove Jack on the dance stage (seen here), and Seth grabs Jack and goes to work.

For the next half hour the sidekick and I awkwardly dance together and watch Seth dry hump dance with Jack.

Seth was sort of slimy…but at least he was interested?

We eventually leave the room and go back to the bar. That’s when Seth apologizes to Jack:
Seth: “Oh, I totally mistook you for my friend John! You look JUST like him! But hi.”
I gasp. Jack glares at me.

Dammit. The one time that I’m actually sure that someone is interested in Jack it turns out to be a case of mistaken identity! Drats. Drats. Drats!

A few minutes later Jack is chatting up Seth’s sidekick and Seth comes over to talk to me. He tells me that he’s 23 years old and that he is studying “prelaw” at some no-name university. Seth tells me that his ex stole his money and that he wants to sue. Seth tells me that he went to undergrad in Arizona before dropping out… the longer this fool talked the less attracted he became.

I open my mouth to ask Seth about his “prelaw” classes when he suddenly lunges forward and inserts his dragon-breath tongue down my throat.

I am absolutely mortified. We are in a crowded portion of the bar and this guy who is SUPPOSED to be interested in my newly-single friend is now molesting me! Fail.

I politely shove Seth Rogen off and spit out his spit into a napkin.

Both Jack and Seth’s sidekick are glaring at me. I’m suddenly a homewrecker.

Seth disappears to the restroom and Jack and I linger around with Seth’s sidekick. During my small talk with the sidekick I learn that Seth is “maybe 21” and definitely living with his parents….

Seth’s sidekick is a heavy girl that looks like a boiled-over clam. I chat her up but she looks terribly bored. After 30 minutes and no word from Seth, we become concerned. The three of us then go from room to room looking for Seth.

We can’t find him.

After an exchange of texts, the sidekick informs us that Seth had been waiting outside of the club for the past half hour because he fell over the fence of the smoker’s area and didn’t want to pay cover to get back into the club.

The sidekick excuses herself and we say good riddance.

The rest of the night was fun, but I didn’t find another guy for Jack…and I’m not sure that he wanted me to. Ugh.