More than Bitterly Cold?

I went to Frank’s Hotdogs last night and had a chat with the owner (?) she’s a middle aged lady with several kids:
Owner: “So where ya from?”
Me: “I moved from Miami this past August.”
Owner: “OH MY GOD! You poor thing! You must think we’re crazy to live out here in this cold!”
Me: “Oh, it’s not that bad. It’s all about dressing appropriately…”
And then I wake up this morning and check the weather…

And the horror continued as I scrolled down the page…

…um.

Now there are SEVERAL problems with this.

Problem #1: The “feels like” temperature for today is -30.

I cannot fathom. Seriously. I cannot… but, I will have to because I have a torts final in an hour.

Problem #2: “Dangerous” wind chill of -40.

How fast is this wind blowing? 20, or maybe 30mph. I walk to school. Over the Mississippi. On this long-ass bridge:

Problem #3: (and this is the kicker) for tomorrow the high is -18. The description says, “bitterly cold.”

Dear weather channel.com: you’ve set me back a full 10 minutes because I have wrap my mind around this fuckery.

If -18 is bitterly cold…what the heck do you call today’s “feels like” -30?

They haven’t come up with a word have they?  You sent Timmy the Intern outside to feel the -30 and he never came back! Timmy, I have your back. I’ll never forget!

Now there is a positive to all of this: I’m so preoccupied with being offended at the weather (and the weather channel.com!) that the final is not even a remote concern.