Notes on a bad first date

Jamie and I had the opportunity to observe a very public, very awful first-date at the Freighthouse.

Here are the best quotes:
400-pound-man: “I got home and the Antique Roadshow was on, so of course I watched it until 6am!”
400-pound-man: “And I woke up the next day and was like: “WHO WAS THAT LITTLE GREEN GUY DRIVING THE CAR AND WHO CRAPPED ON MY LAWN!?”

Jamie grabs my laptop, opens MS Word and writes:

Jamie: This guy doesn’t shut up. I feel sorry for this girl. So far it has been determined- by me- that he is a drunk and trying too hard. I think she has completed three full sentences and one was about her coming home from work on Friday and having a bottle of wine.
Jamie (quoting the guy): “It’s not like I am a drunk, I am a social person that likes to have fun.” Definitely a first date- and if either of them had any standards it would be the last. He is so not self-monitoring.
Me (typing): And you thought the mall-cop was bad…
Me (typing): But seriously, they aren’t THAT entertaining to make up for what you’re losing in productivity…
Jamie (typing): Though the legal lady and these two are definitely making it all worthwhile!