My optometrists are at the Mall of America Lenscrafters. I love them. They are competent and the assistants are hilarious. But the downside of going to the mall for contacts is passing this place:
My optometrists are at the Mall of America Lenscrafters. I love them. They are competent and the assistants are hilarious. But the downside of going to the mall for contacts is passing this place:
When I parked my car this evening there was a looming, hooded figure on the side of the apartment building across the street.1
I walked to my apartment building and got Harley-Scalia out of the kennel.2 My car was the first stop on our evening walk.
When we got to my car, the looming figure across the street was replaced with Herbert, one of the neighborhood crazies.
Herbert3 is an older, smoking man who has serious insomnia issues. And of course he starts talking to me from across the street:
Herbert (shouting over): “I’m not gonna sleep to-night! Da wind is a-howlin!”
I decide to have a “boom to bums” moment4 and responded:
Me: “Kaliba boop boop kalibah halibah?”
Herbert drew on his cigarette and nodded as if I had said something deep. I decided I had had enough fun talking gibberish to the crazy – I smiled politely and told Harley to Kalibah Halibah so we could go.
And yes, Kalibah-Halibah is Harley’s new command for “come here.”
1 ala Crimlaw hypo.
2 which he has taken to rather nicely…now all the apartment destruction is done by me…
3 Oh yeah. Family guy reference.
4 “Sometimes when people get crazy with you, you gotta get crazy with them.”
I don’t really believe in Karma, but let’s call it that anyway: last night was a study in schadenfreude. I watched B. Scott’s commentary video on “Scarlet Takes a Tumble” about four times. I showed it to housemates. We laughed. I was on the floor crying with laughter at one point. Yes it was that serious…
“Scarlet Takes a Tumble” is the new viral-video-of-the-moment. It features an overweight girl singing. Scarlet gets up, put some heels on, and stands on a coffee table.
And then, of course, one-two-three WHAM! She falls. It’s hilarious. It is. Actually, it’s not as funny as B. Scott’s commentary video. Watch it. You’ll understand.
So, the little Karma Buddha in the sky, (or in Wisconsin, however this thing works…) took note. Karma Buddha saw me on the ground laughing at Scarlet and her misfortune, and he said, “Beyotch, I shall smite thine ass.”
Today I got my comeuppance: I’m cycling back to school after eating lunch at home. I’m biking on the sidewalk and approach 10th avenue. There is a church-like-thing on the corner with an extremely high yard that comes down to meet the sidewalk. The yard of the church is so high that it obscures the 10th avenue sidewalk, so I couldn’t see the easel for Burrito Loco (a local restaurant), which was in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk, right around the corner…
I see the easel. I brake. My tires slip on the leaves and then catch. I fly over my bicycle and PANCAKE ON THE GROUND, VAM! and my bike crashes on top of me…
A biker across the street comes over, “Oh my god! Are you alright!?”
I mumble something and scramble to save my coffee tumbler from rolling into the street. I then thank the biker for his concern and try to find my water bottle, which flew somewhere…
I finally find my water bottle when another biker with wild red hair comes up. “Dude! That was the COOLEST THING I’VE EVER SEEN!”
“Why thank you,” I said. At least someone thought impromptu flight lesson was que badass. I then booked it across the bridge to torts.
So dear Karma Buddha, dear KB, or B-town, or whatever you’re called. I get it. Nice one. But Scarlet’s tumble is still hilarious.
Yesterday, my housemate and I walked into CivPro and got our laptops out.
My housemate’s screen flashed blue and then went black.
WINDOWS: ERROR 10123THOUARTSCREWED.
We exchanged “oh shit” looks and she tried to avoid drawing the prof’s attention during her silent panic.
She restarted her computer and got the, “Hi. Your computer sucks. Do you want to start Windows in Safety Mode?” screen. (Which, for a Mac Girl, must have been equally scary, but her laptop started successfully this time.)
While this was going on, I imagined losing all of my notes. BLEH. My gag reflex kicked in. I’ve been told to “backup, backup, backup!” about a dozen times, but I needed that moment of vicarious horror to actually do so:
That evening at Dunnhouse, the first thing I did was unwrap the flashdrive that I received during orientation, and backed up all of my OneNote files and class notes. Whew.
Now that I’m backed up the blue screens can bring it! Come see about D. Jansen. I stay two doors over…
(Haha, and yes that was a B.Scott reference)
