clinton

I woke up at exactly 7:46pm and thought “Apfelkorn!”

I know this because Fox news was on.

There was a countdown to the O’Reilly Factor plastered on the screen and it said 14 minutes. Part II of the Hilary Clinton interview would air at 8pm…So if this countdown said 14 minutes then it was 7:46. I’m a math genius.

I really, really wanted to see the O’Reilly interview, but I also wanted liquor. I haven’t had any hard liquor at home since I ran out of Apfelkorn four months ago. I’m not a much of a drinker and the liquor stores around campus keep odd hours.

I took too long to think about it because I got to the store at 7:59, just in time to see the security guard slap the “CLOSED” sign on the door.

Fudge.

So I went to Publix and bought yogurt.

I have to practice buying my own food because Charties closes for the summer in about a week. I bought the usual (for me) – cheese, generic yogurt, tortillas, etc.

But I still wanted liquor. The Publix by campus doesn’t have a liquor license so they only sell beer and wine. The alcohol section is in this little hidden isle at the edge of the store. I think this is so alcohol buyers feel like the dude sneaking out of the more unsavory sections of the porn store.

I picked up a liter of Mississippi Mud and went on my merry-shopping-way, ignoring the filthy look from the guy at the deli. Mississippi Mud may not be classy, but the grocery store is a judge free zone. So there.

Now considering that I had to go to the hidden isle to get the beer, you would think the rest of the store is family-friendly and alcohol-free. Wrong.

There is actually wine in every single isle of the store. Every. Last. One.

And it’s in the most random places too: there’s Saki by the tortillas, white wines by the organic food, and there’s even blood-red wine by the pretzels. What the hey?

Wine is sprinkled around Publix like the impulse-buy items by the checkout counter. If I had little children I would be terrified that they’d send bottles flying. Kidswreak havoc in the cereal isle. The bebe’s kids throw around the Chex boxes, so why shiny red bottles?

Needless to say the marketing ploy works. Before I left I had a bottle of Saki and a bottle of Fünf.

Yogurt, Milk, Cheese, Tortilla, wine, Saki, Mississippi Mud… The cashier looked at me like I was a lush.

I’ve never had wine before – and I still haven’t. Apparently you need a cork screw. Oops.

I’ll get it together eventually. The Mud will do for tonight.

Plans for tonight: I’m finishing Red Dragon with the bucket of Mud.