People think I clean my apartment too often, but this drool train explains why:
Note how majestically it flaps in the wind.
People think I clean my apartment too often, but this drool train explains why:
Note how majestically it flaps in the wind.
The krakens and I surprised one of the apartment maintenance guys:
Maintenance guy: “Woah!”
Me: “Sorry.”
Maintenance guy: “Those are some big ass dogs!”
Me: “Yeah, I moved to the garden level apartment, so they are necessary.”
Maintenance guy: “Two dogs and a shotgun for city livin’. That’s what I say.”
So true.
And the krakens finally earned their keep re: the city livin’ part!
Gertrude knew the vet visit wasn’t for her. She was just there to laugh.
This blog needs a redesign. I have more unfinished laundry than a women’s penitentiary. My bike, rollerblades, and gym shoes feel neglected.
I am one check-in from becoming mayor of McDonald’s. (My love handles don’t lie.) My progress on my album is underwhelming. And, and and.
Just when I thought I hid the dog bones from them…
It is 3am. Our group is outside of Pizza Luce in downtown Minneapolis, and an oversized bouncer is frisking us for weapons.
The bouncer pats us down, lifts our pant legs, asks for IDs, and then tells us the cover is $4. “Cover” is probably not the right word. It was applied to our pizza, so it was more like a down payment. I still thought all of this was a bit odd for a pizzeria, until I got inside…
After getting searched and charged, we stroll inside and experience the ghettofabulous scene: there were pimp suits, neon mesh leggings, candy colored stilettos, sweated-out weaves, grills, jelly rolls, folds, muffins, and zebras…. It was glorious.
We got our pizza and somehow made it to the Hotel Minneapolis without getting mugged. And although there are better pictures, I think this blurry shot best depicts the zombie-like fashion in which the guys attacked with pizza:
It’s 7am and pouring. Both dogs are glaring at me like “You’re a bad owner. Can I go out now or is that spot on the carpet calling my name?”
So I take them out, knowing that the “why am I wet?” attitude is coming.
We run outside. Both dogs look at me like, “WHY IS IT RAINING? MAKE IT STOP!”
Well, great.
I started walking the krakens around Lake of the Isles after our car disaster.
It’s a gorgeous walk:
It’s 1am. Phillip and I are in the car, zipping around downtown Minneapolis. I ramble: “…tomorrow I will go out less, crack down, stay home and focus. From now on. Seriously.”
Phillip lets me ramble, but doesn’t believe it.
This was another cluttered week of work, exercise, dating, and reconnecting with long-neglected friends. Pictures!
I look outside, it looks like rain, but I want to walk the dogs around lake Calhoun, so I check weather.com.
Weather.com says 0% chance of rain.
I look outside again. It looks like the storm before the kraken, but weather.com says 0% chance of rain so I TRUST THE INTERNETS and drive the dogs to the lake. If weather.com had said 1% chance of rain I would not have gone out, but ZERO percent chance…well…I can’t question that!
The skies look so bad on the way to the lake that I expect Nicolas Cage to hop out of a building and give a dead-pan account of how “supernatural whatsits were coming to take over the who-hah…” And of course, the second we get to the lake:
Fail.
I check weather.com on my blackberry. It says 75% chance of rain, plague, and pestilence. I feel like an idiot.
And then Harley glares at me like, “OKAY, FOOL, I NEED TO PEE. BEHOLD MY DROOL.”
And after much fretting, I finally take them out. It rains harder just to spite me. Nicolas Cage warned me of this but no…
After our walk on the set of Umbrella, Harley gives me another glare like, “WHY WOULD YOU TAKE ME OUTSIDE IN THAT BULLSHIT? BAD OWNER! BAD!”
Ugh. I’m damned if I do…
And I am not taking them to Lake Calhoun anymore because it took far too long to clean the back seat of my car after these two hot-shedding-messes…ugh. Never again.
It is spring in Minneapolis…
