The nice part about having a big dog during winter is that he doesn’t get cold and pissy like the smaller dogs.
The annoying part about having a big dog during winter is that he doesn’t get cold and pissy like the smaller dogs so the dog walk isn’t shorter just because the wind chill is -20.
I start reviewing my tax law notes out loud and Harley reacts like any non-law student:
So I was very surprised when we ran into a large, yippie dog during the morning walk.
We were by a busy street, but the other dog was off leash and the owner was wearing flipflops, in the snow.
The yippie dog and Harley did the obligatory sniff down.
Harley was over the dog after a few minutes and wanted to move on, but the dog kept bouncing around him. We couldn’t go because the dog blocked Harley’s path, wanting to play. The owner, in his flipflop-ness, was too cold to move from the side of the road, and yippie was not listening to him.
Suddenly Harley ROARED! It was the dog equivalent of an exasperated scream. The message was very clear: BACK UP OFF ME!
He has never done that before so I was shocked and terribly, terribly amused.
The other dog was freaked out, his owner was visibly worried, and I was choking with laughter.
My dog is awesome.
Harley’s face sums up his feelings about Conlaw:
I’m trying to teach Harley to smile for the camera. It is obviously not working.
I returned to the bedroom to find that I had been replaced, but decided not to interrupt the lovefest:
The good shots always end up with drool on the camera lense…
Harley constantly sends mulch and poo flying throughout the neighborhood, but I am pretty sure that most dogs do the sniff-sniff kick.
Here is the ritual:
And of course, Dooce is the originator of the doggy modesty patch.
“One more picture with flash and I’m shitting on the carpet.”
After finishing the tax midterm I turned around and began fixing my brief for moot court.
I have been parked in my living room going on 10 hours, and Harley is not quite sure why I am home so much. He keeps shooting me glares like, “Bitch, where’s my biscuit?”
The ridiculousness ends tomorrow (until finals that is), thank goodness.
Joel is very patient and can pet Harley for hours at a time.
The only problem is that when Joel tries to get up Harley puts his paw on Joel’s chest like, “Wait, where do you think you’re going?!”
I was trying to take a picture of the plant, but someone decided he (and his junk) just needed to be part of the picture:
I discovered that the dog gets a little camera shy! This is incredibly convenient when I want him to stop staring at me when I’m eating:
Oh, and that is his kennel in the background! The kennel is under a table with a patterned table cloth. This makes the kennel invisible on those rare occasions where I actually shut the door.
99.54% of the time it’s as awkward as it looks in the video.
RSS/Facebook readers: click here if you cannot see the video.
It is 41 degrees outside (“feels like 34”) and raining, so of course the dog wakes me up:
Harley: “Time to go poopy!”
Me (looking outside): “Bitch please. Go back to sleep.”
Harley: “Poopy! Can’t wait. Noooow please.”
Me: “Fine, fine…5 more minutes…”
Harley: “The pudding can’t wait!”
Harley jumps off my bed and scampers off.
I’m putting my jeans on to take the dog out when a hear a toot from the living room.
Harley trots out of his kennel by the time I get there. There’s a big-steamy-pile of surprise in the kennel. Harley wags his tail until I start with the hysterics:
Me: “GOD DAMMIT! THIS IS UNFAIR! I WAS GETTING READY!”
Harley: “Unfair? Equity isn’t for those who sleep on their rights beyotch! Poopy couldn’t wait.”
I clean up the bullshit surprise and then put Harley’s leash on. He gives me a look like, “What’s that for? I’ve already relieved myself.”
Me: “I am not going to be the only one going outside in this plague weather!”
Harley: “But it’s coooold and wet!”
Me: “MY POINT EXACTLY!”
Five minutes later we are on the corner of the block and I’m trying to explain to Harley how he cannot both wake me up at an ungodly hour AND sass me for the crappy weather. My glares/mental rant are interrupted when I see Mel on the corner of the street.
I haven’t seen Mel since this summer. But tonight she was working the street – without an umbrella – standing on the corner looking wet and miserable.
Prostitutes on my block were everywhere this summer, but most of them had enough sense to take their work inside once the weather started to turn. But not Mel! Rain or shine, Mel is always in business. She’s on that USPS level.
I give Mel a look like “it’s time to invest in an umbrella or reconsider your career choices.”
She glares.
The dog snorts at her and we walk off.
I was studying on the couch and got up to get more coffee. When I returned, I found that I had lost my place:
And I realize that it doesn’t look like it, but there’s actually enough room on the couch for both of us.
It is 5:30am. I have been asleep for exactly 3 hours.1
I wake up because I feel hot dragon dog breath on my cheek. I open my eyes and glare at Harley.
Harley (nudging me): “I need to go pooooooop.”
Me: “It’s snowing outside. I need sleep.”
Harley: “And I need to release! I need a walk. Now.”
Me: “Nono, you don’t understand. It is cold and SNOWING outside! Hold it! BACK TO BED!”
Harley: “Pooopy time. 5:30 a.m. is POOOPY time!”
Me: “Seriously it is SNOWING!”
Harley: “Listen. You have two options: let your balls drop, get off your ass, and take me outside, or kennel me and mop up my brown river of stink tomorrow.”
Me: “I will kill you.”
So when we get outside…
…Harley stops and looks at me like,
Harley: “Wait! It’s gross and cold…”
Me: “SEE! I told you so! God dammit! I told you so!”
Harley: “I’m a dog. I can’t actually understand a word you say to me.”
Me: “Understand this: you dragged me out of bed and I’m murderous. YOU BETTA SHIT.”
He certainly understood that.
I heard the scratching, but couldn’t get to the bed before the sheets were ripped:
Someone flipped the fall switch in Minneapolis because evening temperatures have been dipping to the 40’s.
This means it is scarf time!
I initially tried to take the picture for this post with Harley, but it didn’t turn out well:
