Rumours Archives - Memos and Mirth

2L Spring / 2L Spring Summaries / Life / Minneapolis-St. Paul

Took the Night

February 14, 2010

It is 1 a.m. and we are at St. Paul’s Camp Bar. Eric and Curt are off another room, but I am on the dance floor because Beyonce’s “Video Phone” is playing. An over-cologned Ethiopian-Somali¹ guy watches me from the bar.

A remix of “Took the Night” comes on. The Somali and I exchange a look, he puts down his drink, and a full-scale vogue battle ensues.

I usually do not vogue at random bars, especially in St. Paul, but I just wasted a hour listening to a crappy cover band butcher top-40 hits. The band is on break, the video-Jockey is playing vogue music, and therefore boomkats are in order. The Somali agrees.

We give hands, dips, and duck walk as guys at the bar gawk on like “what kind of fuckery is this?” The battle lasts for the entire song. We then clear the dance floor and the cover band comes back on:

Surprisingly, our random vogue-off was not the hottest mess in St. Paul that night: earlier, at the Movie Bears Beer Bust, there was a 400-pound woman wearing black underwear, fish net stockings, and 3-sizes-too-small spiked heels.

Eric was so amused and wanted to pose near her, but I could not get a good shot of our Pussycat Doll because her friend blocked the view:

Normally, I would just ask the Pussycat Doll if she would pose with Eric, but she was ranting about how she didn’t understand why people were making fun of her, so I decided not to add any fuel to the drama-fire.

Last night’s beer bust was my first Movie Bears event. The club usually watches movies on Tuesdays, which is Trivia night, but they also watch horror movies on Fridays. It seems like a fun group, but I haven’t decided if I want to tack one more event onto my social calendar. Do I have time for this?

¹ This is actually accurate. I asked.

2L Fall Finals / 2L Winter

Totally inappropriate

December 23, 2009

After yesterday’s epic exam, I went to Trivia night at Innuendo. One of the obligatory things to do at Trivia night is to harass the host with song requests to play in between questions.

Yesterday, all I wanted to hear was “look back at me” by Trina. I waged a steady nagging campaign all night, but the host was not playing my song.

Then it struck me.

2L Fall / dogs / Joel / Law School

Firemen, Tax Law, and the Great wall of Turkey

November 25, 2009

This morning the dog woke me up shortly before 7am like “It’s poopy time! Take me out or suffer!”

We were walking down the street within three minutes because I still regret the last time I made him wait.

In my hurry to get him outside I didn’t do any hair or teeth brushing, so the dog peed on poles as I tried to light the poles on fire with my morning dragon breath. It was like a blow-torch of funk.

7am is the best time to walk the dog because all of the school children are at the bus tops. The Somali girls are afraid of the dog but the Mexican boys love him.

We got to the end of the block when two huge fire trucks swung onto the street and stopped right in front of us. I was suddenly floodlit and I couldn’t decide whether to bust out with “RING THE ALARM” or not.

The firemen stepped out of the truck like “welcome to the gunshow” in such an annoyed, unhurried way that I could tell this was a response some old lady who fell and called the fire department through her life alert. Apparently my dragon breath didn’t lite anything on fire after all…

One hour later I was in Tax law. This week’s topic is like-kind exchanges and I was so unspeakably confused that I didn’t even know how to articulate my confusion.

I spent the last 10 minutes of class hunched over, flustered, and staring hopelessly at the problems the professor was whizzing through on the board. What the…

I have never felt so confused in law school. I was so flustered that I skipped Employment law, went home, and walked the dog. I was too disoriented to pay attention in employment law, so it will have to wait until after the break.

After today’s second dog walk, I went to the Mall of America. I have not been to the mall in a long time and had forgotten how ridiculous the mall is: blaring music, bitchy sales clerks, and ridiculous ads. I felt like Zoolander would pop around the corner any second and strike a pose.

I was at the mall because I needed to go to LensCrafters for a contact fitting. I lost my glasses this weekend at the Saloon, so I figured prescription contacts are a safer (and cheaper) alternative. On the way out of the mall, I smelled a Hollister store from five stores away and remembered that I was out of cologne.

Hollister seemed full of bored teenage employees until I actually needed a cashier. Nevermind that I didn’t just walk out of the store and actually hunted down a cashier down to purchase a $40 bottle of cologne… He didn’t say a word to me and barely made eye contact, but I wasn’t going to lecture the 16 year old on good customer service because he obviously hated his job and not making commission.

So I was drenched in the Hollister cologne when I walked into work shortly thereafter. It was hard to get into the building today because the great wall of turkey blocked the building’s entryway.

My company gives out turkeys to its 7,000-odd employees. The frozen turkeys were in big white boxes that were trucked in and stacked on giant pallets. There was a solid 6 foot wall of turkey boxes which I had to walk around to get to work.

I picked up my turkey on the way home. It’s in the freezer now. I’ll figure THAT disaster later.

I was only home briefly to drop off the turkey before turning around and going to Innuendo for Trivia Night with Joel and Kurt. We came in second place to this overly intense group of regulars. The win of the night was coaxing Jake the Trivia Host to play the Halle Berry. Aye!

My only class tomorrow is Tax, and I hope it’s not as awful as today… unrealistic expectations?