The toast factory

Sigh. So I signed up for OkCupid. The amount of toast in my life is unreal right now. I live in a bakery.

“Toast” is my descriptor for the type guy who has the same bland conversation with me repeatedly because he is interested but too scared of rejection to actually ask me out on a date. He greets me, asks about my weekend, comments on the weather, and then disappears for a few days only to repeat the same exchange next week. (The full list of characters is here.)

This guy’s timidity precludes me from asking him out because I know that the guy is likely to be dull (like toast) or at least way too self-conscious to date. The problem is that toast is polite enough that I can’t justify blocking him, so I play along and feed into this viciously dull cycle.

Toast usually goes away when I add him on Facebook.

Being my Facebook friend allows toast to passively keep up with my life without fear of rejection. The more aggressive toast (dark bread) looms for weeks or even months. It never rots, and just gets very, very stale…and sometimes moldy.

One problem I have with OkCupid is that it has several options for passive communication. You can favorite, rate and wink at people and the site lets them know. For every message I get there are five pieces of toast who opt for the more passive ways of flirting (which rarely provoke a response from me.)

I feel like I’m in the toast factory. Can I get some jam?