Out on the town

I love the Gay 90’s on Friday.

The club is nearly empty and the crowd is a deliciously awkward mix. But everyone has fun and that’s all that matters. And yes, I hit my dougie.

We were at Jetset Bar earlier in the evening, but a party bus of straight people descended upon the bar and ruined everything. Screaming girls were everywhere and straight guys kept dancing on us inappropriately. Most gay guys don’t approach unless solid eye contact is made, but these guys just started humping our legs and would not go away.

I finally had to tell one, “Please leave me alone. You’re making me uncomfortable.”

He sulked for two seconds and then found another victim.

And I don’t have a problem with straight people at the gay club per se. I have a problem with straight people who treat a gay club as some novel/touristy experience. This isn’t Bourbon Street during Mardi Gras. The locals don’t expect to be molested and mistreated.

Typically packs of straight girls will go to a gay bar and assume that they look less ridiculous getting shit-faced while wearing tiaras because the men at the bar aren’t attracted to them. Sorry, not every gay guy thinks your jeggings are fabulous. We aren’t the high-school sidekicks you see on TV.

And that was the problem with the straight guys: they treated the gay club as some touristy experience and did not consider that latching onto some random dude would make him feel uncomfortable. Maybe some gay guys have standards?

So to be clear: gay guys don’t exist solely to make straight girls feel less frumpy and most of us don’t appreciate just any random person humping our legs. Gay people may be more accepting of different types of people, but basic etiquette still applies.

It’s called standards, honey.

Now let’s gay it up around here.