Tree of Crap

Tader and I went to see the film “Tree of Life” yesterday. It was so terrible that I suspected that we were part of some experiment to see how bad a movie can be before the entire audience walks out.

Now the trailer makes the movie looks halfway decent:

The problem is that this is really three movies:

1. A National Geographic special on the creation of the world. We start at the beginning of time, galaxy formation, water, fish, and yes, CG dinosaurs. I am not kidding. This portion of the film probably lasts 20 minutes, but it felt like an hour.
2. Revolutionary Road lite. A storyline about a young family with a strict father who regrets not pursuing a career in music. This is what takes up the bulk of the preview. The issue with this section is that there are too many unnecessary scenes that do not further the plot or develop the characters.
3. Enya music video finale. But sans music. Shots of Sean Penn walking in the desert. The family walking on the beach. The characters quote scripture while the camera focuses on their hands. Waves crash. A shot of sunflowers. Dramatic glances… it’s laughably pretentious.

Tader thought this part of the film had beautiful art direction but the problem is that this is not a music video. You cannot abruptly abandon the story and show random shots for 20 minutes without pissing off your audience.

This film is like an extended MadTV skit on pretentious art cinema. It is heavy on the biblical quotes and dramatic music, but light on the storyline. The characters turn out to be flat or unlikable, and the lesson on the beginning of the universe undermines the significance of our dull 1950’s family.

Tree of Life was so bad that I laughed uncontrollably during the last few minutes of the film. I thought the movie would go on for hours, and the absurdity of it was just hilarious. One of my coworkers was in the theater yesterday. She was shocked that the entire theater didn’t burst out into laughter or leave. She also reminded me that there was a random woman who kept belching. Sigh.

Anyway, the point is that this film wasn’t just crap, it was epic crap. See it at your own peril.

Oh, and I get to pick the next movie, and so Tader and I are totally going to see this gem of cinema:

YES!