I officially live in a winter wonderland.
This weekend’s storm dumped about 6 inches on Minneapolis, which Gertrude loved.
The snow caused shitty driving conditions, but the dog walks were much more entertaining. I also went through another 50lb bag of salt to clear the building’s sidewalks.
My building is always the first one on the block to have clear sidewalks. The rest of the sidewalks are so bad that people just walk in the middle of the street.
A couple passed as I shoveled on Friday and the guy shouted to the woman: “See! He got the salt out, shit’s shoveled, those sidewalks are right! Our landlord needs to get on it!”
Mhm.
The worst sidewalks in the neighborhood belong to the public schools. If this continues throughout the winter then I will file a complaint and/or a juicy premises liability suit when I break my ankle on the ice slicks. You can run and tell that.
The snow and cold provided the backdrop for my last full week of law school. There were the usual classes, gym time, tax clinic meetings, dog walks, a throw down in Death Penalty seminar, work, and a lot of dates with the new guy, Halvers.
My dating life is typically populated by a strange mix of characters. Let’s review:
- Bedingfields: Over-enthusiastic, “Hi! Nice to meet you. I love your eyes! We should totally get married. What’s your name again? ”
- E-Ballers: Fills up my facebook and text inbox, but acts completely bored when we hang out. Am I talking to your secretary online?
- Fair-Weathers: Completely enraptured in-person but takes a week to respond to a facebook or text message. Might need to borrow the E-Baller’s secretary.
- The faux-friend: Your jealous boyfriend…who isn’t your boyfriend. This is the guy who claims he wants friendship but what he really wants is Ken – the boyfriend without the sex.The faux-friend wants to go to movies, the gym, the bar, texts, and calls, but the second you look at another guy, sirens turn on and he rings the alarm. The faux-friend will not date you, but he is perfectly happy to cause unnecessary drama as he glares down his perceived competition at the bar like a hyena in heat. Avoid at all costs.
- Poltergeists: The Poltergeist is similar to the fair-weather, only more irritating. This is the guy who disappears after an amazing date and then reincarnates as a ghost rapping at your online-door.The poltergeist will “like” a facebook update, or shoot a text once every few weeks along the lines of “Hey we should hang out!” only to disappear again… these guys are like reoccurring outbreaks of H1N1, and it’s time to be vaccinated.
Halvers belongs to a special 6th category, the rarest of them all – the Chickawow.
Chickawows are the guys with swagger so out of control that it risks turning you into a Bedingfield. The beat from “Whatever You Like” starts playing, you start mimicking Nicole’s The Grudge look, and involuntarily submit to the creepy Bam-Chicka-Wow-wow dance:
Flustered and giggly is not a good look. I feel like a 13 year old girl hot for Bieber. Then again, leaving law school infatuated isn’t the worst way to end 3L year is it?
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