Today I made some delicious smoked pork hocks. I gave the bones and the fatty parts to the dog, and then sat down at my dining room table.
My dining room table was littered with petition crap: outlined cases, notes, the bluebook and copies of the bluebook exercise… pens, highlighters, coffee mugs…
I sat there , staring blankly at the petition mess when I heard a little voice inside me say:
Little voice: “Fuck, this, shit.”
I then spent the next ten minutes chewing pork and thinking about what this1 meant:
Me: “Is this a fail whale situation? What does this say about my wherewithal? My priorities? Does this make the past week a huge waste of time? Can I just stick it out for the next few days?”
Little voice: “No. I’m quite serious. Fuck this shit.”
Me: “But what about all this time I invested in this?”
Little voice: “Is that how we make economic decisions? Time invested is not a reason to keep on with a bad decision. We are not GNC okay?”
Me: “But …what about my priorities?”
Little voice: “Exactly, asshole. What about your priorities? Since when was petitioning one of them? What about project x, y, and z? Hm? “Oh we will get to that during summer” you said. Well, it’s summer, and you’re petitioning. What about all those other things you wanted to do? Hm? Is being on a journal more important? (Mimicking Jillian Michaels) NO IT IS NOT! Fuck this shit.”
Me: “Well…but…”
Little voice: “But nothing. You have other things to work on. You even took off work to do this petition. That’s unacceptable. Fuck this shit. Say it with me now! Now go get started on those neglected-projects. NOW.”
Ugh. So I finished my pork, tossed my petition, and started my summer.2
1 “This” being the decision to stop petitioning, not the fact that I was having an inner monologue…way past questioning that.
2 Quitting something unimportant doesn’t feel like quitting at all…
9 Comments
B.
June 2, 2009 at 1:31 pmMy little voice usually says “fuck it and go to sleep.”
lol
Laurie
June 2, 2009 at 1:56 pmI wish I had done that. I didn’t want to be on a journal. I was rejected and, while that hurt, I would rather have not wasted the two weeks.
Good for you!
Love the dog, what a cutie.
Chere
June 2, 2009 at 3:25 pmGood for you! We don’t even petition until August, but I don’t want to be on law review AT ALL. There’s only 1 journal I want to be on, but you feed onto it from the substantive class so I’m not wasting my breath on it until January.
There’s so much pressure in law school to do everything you’re “supposed” to do to be a good law student.
Just do what you WANT!
And welcome to summer 🙂
butterflyfish1
June 2, 2009 at 5:44 pmJournals are important for a narrow class of persons with a narrow set of priorities. It would not have surprised me if you had hopes for a federal clerkship, for which journal is more or less a prerequisite.
But it does not surprise me that you have other priorities.
Rock on
Jansen
June 2, 2009 at 7:36 pmThanks for the comments 😉 I’m glad that at least some people don’t think I’m nuts!
lbergus
June 3, 2009 at 2:31 pmIt was about halfway through spring semester that I decided not to “write on” this summer. Several people I trust said that research and writing for professors is more practical and less of a time-suck. A couple second-year students on journals when I asked said it was a ridiculous hoop-jumping and meeting-attending game that didn’t necessarily have payoffs.
Good choice! Have some fun and/or be productive!
Jimmy
June 3, 2009 at 11:25 pmYour little voice told me the same thing several days ago. I deleted my petition and threw away the materials. It felt great.
I am fearful, however, that I’ve begun to cave in to the voices…
Robin
June 4, 2009 at 9:48 pmGood for you, babe. Do what you do!!