Jack is the only other intern at work today, so of course I have to trip right by his cubicle. My cases become airborn and crash everywhere.
I’m scrambling to pick up the cases when Jack spins around in his chair with a huge Cheshire Cat grin:
Jack: “You do that a lot don’t you?”
Ugh.
Dr. Smooth just graduated from vet school. He’s young. He’s hip. He has a soul patch.
Dr. Timid is middle aged, quiet and serious. She always looks worried, like she is about to tell you something went horribly wrong and your dog will, in fact, never regain control of his bowels. Have fun with the slip and slide!
So of course Dr. Timid was working today.
The vice president of the University of Minnesota just sent out an email:
Yesterday, the University of Minnesota Police Department issued a Public Safety Alert regarding a shooting that occurred just off campus. This Public Safety Alert was the fourth issued in just over a week, and it’s unfortunate that this spate of crimes has occurred as students are returning to campus and the University community is preparing for the 2009-10 academic year.
The alerts are sent out because the University of Minnesota is committed to the safety of our students, faculty, and staff, and in compliance with the federal Clery Act.
Alerts are not intended to alarm or frighten anyone.
Really? Let’s see, here are some gems from the University of Minnesota’s public safety department:
The now-1Ls are fully oriented. I hope.
The past few days consisted of constant information sessions, Q&As, herding, “mingling” and moving furniture for 220 people.
Oh, and plenty of free food and coffee.
I am tired and amused, which isn’t a terrible way to start 2L year. Now excuse me while run off to the office…
I’m reliving orientation as an orientation assistant. The law school is really responsive to student feedback, so a lot of the boring and useless things from last year’s orientation were axed. Some of the 1Ls were still bored, but they have no idea how much better their orientation is.
Besides an awkward, overlong vegetable analogy, orientation has gone well. None of the speakers said anything crazy and none of the 1Ls irreparably embarrassed themselves. I think asking for anything more is unrealistic.
We even did a quick etiquette session in my orientation group where the other orientation leaders and I told the 1Ls how not to be obnoxious.
I figure if my 1Ls can avoid doing those five things, they’ll be fine.
I thought about writing a grand “1L summer retrospective” post, but that would be duplicative of my “one year in Minnesota” post and way too exhausting to do right now, so, quickly, the highlights of summer:
The summer was hilarious, but I’m ready to start the school year.
My bedroom window was stuck open for most of the summer.
I was too lazy to call the maintenance people, but this wasn’t a big deal because my apartment is not air conditioned and my windows are open most of the time.
I only had the urge to close my window in the middle of the night when there was thunder or police drama outside. These midnight fix-it attempts always failed because there is only so much wrestling I can do with the window before I remember that I’m exposing my underbritches to the entire neighborhood.1
So, I would give up, and forget about the window problem.
The low point was a few days ago when there was a huge storm that blew directly into my window.
I got frustrated today and decided to stop moving furniture.
I figured if I couldn’t come up with a better layout for my apartment during the summer, then it’s not going to happen during the semester.
I am halfway through a habeas case at work when Jill, a coworker, turns to me and says:
Jill: “Tornadoes in downtown Minneapolis!”
Me: “What what?”
Jill: “That’s what they are saying on NPR. Check online.”
We are posted in my favorite room, the video bar, which is like a gay sports bar that plays music videos instead of football.
The Ting Tings are playing when the bar tender plops these small red drinks in front of us.
I shoot the bartender a look like “What the heck?” and he says,
Bartender: “These are from the guy across the bar.”
I sleep with my window open.
I want to say this has something to do with “enjoying the Minnesota summer” but the truth is that my bedroom window has been stuck open for a few months and I’m too lazy to call the maintenance people.
Last night I regretted not getting that stupid window fixed because around 2am someone started shooting.
My second visit to Dr. Cranky was a deep lesson in fail.
I needed a second optometrist appointment because my right contact was somewhat blurry and my left contact was completely useless.
I couldn’t believe that in addition to being unpleasant and cranky, the optometrist managed to mess up my prescription too! And Target optometrists are all independent, so if I switched doctors I would have to repay for an exam.
So I go to Dr. Cranky’s optical and get reexamined:
Dr. Cranky: “Uh, here, try these contacts.”
I pop the contacts in.
Dr. Cranky: “Better?”
Me: “Yep!”
Dr. Cranky looks awkwardly at the ground.
Week #10 was the last week of summer school, aka, finals! I spent the beginning of the week studying, mostly at the Walter library. After my last final I went to work, and worked 10 hour days for the next 4 days.
I also decided to get health conscious, and just say no to Caribou pastries. That’s also the week I almost ran Jill off the road, and celebrated the end of my first year in Minnesota.
Around downtown Minneapolis:
I went to the downtown Target yesterday to get contacts for the first time. After waiting in line for a half hour, I was told the optometrist was not in and sent to the suburbs.
It’s a rainy summer.
The first picture is the flag outside of work. I can only see a segment of tinted1 sky from my cubicle. I think it’s better that my cubicle isn’t closer to the window because office life is already distracting, and I would get nothing done if I could zone out by looking outside.
Today I decided to get coffee at a Target store’s Starbucks.
The Barista is blonde and looks extremely tired. The couple in front of me is tall – the girl resembles Demi Lovato and is about 6’1, her boyfriend is 6’3.
The couple’s drink orders are fairly involved, so I know it will take the Barista a few minutes to prepare the drinks.
The couple is still ordering when I hear someone limping behind me.
Jack had the nerve to imply that I am OCD because I do a full scrub-down of the apartment once a week.
I told Jack that if he knew the gory details, he wouldn’t think once-a-week was too much:
When Jill and I left work today it was pouring. Jill’s car was closer than mine, so she volunteered to sprint through the downpour, fetch her car, and then drive me to mine.
How did I thank her? Well, 10 minutes later Jill and I were driving our cars down the highway and the rain became blinding. Of course this happened when the road curved so I had my face up against my windshield trying to figure out where the raised median was.
Suddenly Jill’s car was behind mine – I had drifted into her lane and cut her off!
At the next light I rolled down my window and apologized profusely. Jill said “don’t worry about it” which is Minnesotan for “you crazy asshole!”
I was officially that guy.
I just finished a 10-hour shift at work.
I’m pulling three 10-hour days to make up for my absence from the office during finals. And although the longish hours aren’t ideal for the dog, the hours are compatible with his strict-bed bed rest requirements for the heartworm treatment. 1
My first official day2 of summer started at the auto-parts store. One of my headlights died last night, and Gibs offered to install it for me so I wouldn’t get ripped off by my Nissan dealer again – Gibs was horrified to hear that last month I shelled out something like $40 to get a headlamp replaced at the dealer.
The $40 charge seemed less outrageous when I watched the ordeal Gibs went through to replace the lamp. Apparently the owner’s manual suggests taking off the bumper to replace the lights, but instead of dismantling my bumper, Gibs unscrewed the coolant tank, which was blocking the back of the headlight.
After trolling around libraries for a week, I finally finished summer semester.
And last night, around midnight, I got a little tab-happy:
Every-other day for the past two weeks, police lights have lit up my street up like a vivacious performance.
I feel like I live in the projects without the benefit of supplemental security income. My neighbor was arrested twice in the past two weeks, and the police are constantly raging about for miscellaneous disturbances.
The problem with the police action is that the cops are the main disturbance in the neighborhood – blaring lights and shouting – and I doubt they cause this much remmidemmi when doing business in the suburbs.
Some of my friends suggested that the police drammy is exciting. And while Yesina’s first arrest was amusing, by the second arrest I was annoyed. I don’t need to hear Yesina screaming “DON’T TAKE MY BABY!” when I have a morning class the next day.
