Best Summer Ever Week 5

The fact that it’s already week 5 of summer is sort of scary.

I’m half-way through my summer classes. My law school application essay was about my desire to become an estate planning/probate attorney, so of course I love my Wills & Trusts class.

Professional Responsibility has also become much easier since I’ve stopped using my laptop. Without the laptop I’m that obnoxious, fully engaged boy. Now if only someone could just stop the girl who sits in front of me from playing full-screen video games…

This has not been a good week for Harley, who was diagnosed with Heartworms. The medicine and animal hospital stay completely discombobulated him:

The night after the hospital stay, Harley and I were leaving my apartment building he starts peeing on downstairs neighbor’s door… I was mortified! I drag him outside, and inadvertently created a trial of urine from the hallway, down the stairs, and out to the street.

And yes. That was joy to clean up. My 4’6 Mexican neighbor pointed and laughed as I scrubbed the floors. And I politely informed him if he found dog poop in front of his door that I wasn’t me…

Friday night I went to Jack’s birthday extravaganza at the Eagle.

The Eagle is my favorite bar in the Cities because it is the only gay bar with a music video room.

I sit at the bar with my Heineken, watch music videos, and pray the crazy stays away – it’s fun times.

But of course the crazy does not stay away. Jack & company were downstairs dancing and I was in the music video room, watching Yelle, when this skinny redheaded guy plops down next to me. He’s in his 30’s, but is sporting Abercrombie and has a face full of freckles like a stepchild…

He looks at me and says:
Red: “I’m sorry.”
Me: “Pardon me?”
Red: “I’m sorry.”
Me: “Uh, for what?”
Red: “I’m sorry.”
Uh, okay.

Red looks away, and I turn my attention back to Yelle.

A few minutes later he turns to me and tells me he’s sorry again. And the fool does this every few minutes for the next 20 minutes…
Red: “I’m sorry.”
Me: “Why do you keep apologizing? Are you debating about whether to stab me or something?”
Red: “I’m just sorry.”
Me: “You’ve been here since the 3-for-1 happy hour huh?”
Red: “Since 5.”
Me: “And it’s midnight. You’re done.”
Red: “Yes. I’m done. And sorry.”
Me: “Look at the bright side, you won’t remember what a hot mess you were in the morning.”
Red: “Yeah. That’s true. I’m sorry.”
Then an old Paula Abdul video comes on…and apparently it’s Red’s jam. He starts singing along.
Me: “When did this come out?”
Red: “What are you talking about? It’s Paula!”
Me: “Yeah, but I’ve never seen this video.”
So Red keeps singing along and then starts invading my personal space to the amusement of the bartender.

Just when I think it couldn’t get any worse, Red unleashes the ridiculousness:
Red: “Oh you know you want it.”
Me: “Oh I’m pretty sure that I DO NOT. Bitch boo bye!”
Red: “Oh yeah, you want it.”
(Red keeps singing to Paula Abdul and then grabs my shoulders)
Me: “Oh hell no… uh…” (I look desperately for help) “I want… uh, THAT!”
I point  across the bar to the bodybuilder wearing the “Where’s Waldo?” shirt who has been giving me the eye all night.
Me: “Uh, yes. That. Mhm. Over there. I want that…NOT YOU. Sorry Red.”
Red looks across the bar at Bodybuilder-Waldo, looks at me, and then WALKS OVER TO WALDO.

I sit there horrified as Red latches onto this perfectly normal, innocent guy, and proceeds to harass him in his state of drunkness. I really felt bad for sicking the crazy on Waldo, I really did!.. but uh – better him than me!

I left the scene of that disaster, went downstairs, and took some pictures of Jack and company:

Jack keeps it trendy.¹

Well, actually, I was sort of surprised to see Jack wearing a harness. That fashion statement is usually for the older guys, but it turns out that when Jack went to the Eagle on his last birthday, one of his friends was all, “Oh, crap! I forgot to get you a present! Here, take my harness!”

Fancy. I know…

I told Jack to put his shirt on and we went upstairs to watch a dance off to Beyonce’s Single Ladies.

And of course I took video:

They knew the moves, but they weren’t quite as good as the 300lb man from the Gay 90’s:

Indeed.

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¹ Before you get all shocked by Jack’s harness  think about how it’s not unusual for Rihanna to perform in dominatrix gear, or Beyonce to be clad head-to-toe in latex… it’s more fashion statement than fetish.