Yes, the law fraternity has parties.
I played DJ.
The best part of the night was when the Irish exchange students walked up to me, fists balled, and screamed “RIVERDANCE!”
And they did, indeed Riverdance.
“RIVERDANNNNCE!”
Yes, the law fraternity has parties.
I played DJ.
The best part of the night was when the Irish exchange students walked up to me, fists balled, and screamed “RIVERDANCE!”
And they did, indeed Riverdance.
“RIVERDANNNNCE!”
The library became annoying around 8am so I walked to my ConLaw class (which starts at 9am.)
There was already someone in the room when I arrived, so I felt less like “that kid who arrives an hour early” and more like, “one of those kids who arrive an hour early.”
Since I was in the wrong room yesterday, I asked the student, “This the correct room for Con Law right?”
Yar! So, my first real day of law school homework is over. I did the assignment for my contracts class, which consisted of three parts: reading the syllabus, and two reading assignments.
The first reading assignment was a brief history of Anglo-American contract law. It read exactly like a history text for undergrad. Good. I was a history major. I like these things.
The second part of the reading involved Mutual Assent and Consideration, and a case Ray v. Eurice Brothers, which was hilarious.
Basically, Ray was a seriously OCD engineer who wanted to build a house. Ray had very specific requirements for exactly what material and building method was to be used.
The Eurice Brothers were two easy-going local builders.
They met, drew up plans, which Ray and his attorney changed to meet Ray’s OCD-whims.
Ray presented the new set of plans in a contract with the Eurice Brothers, including the cost of the building project. The Eurice Brothers signed ASSUMING the plans & specifications were those from the first meeting.
And of course, they were wrong. The Bros realize this a month later, and say “These requirements are ridiculous! We aren’t building this house with this crazy-talk! We thought we signed up for something else!”
So Ray sues.
And the judge says, “you could have intended anything, but you signed a contract that says this. So thou art the weakest link, goodbye.”
I was laughing throughout the case. Pure hilarity. I love it.
I hope tomorrow’s work (Torts!) is as fun.
OH, and part of my gitty mood as to do with my new haircut – I went to Target today and bought a cheap pair of clippers. I shaved my head and gave myself a ridiculous trucker mustache.
Yes. I did.
It’s goofy and makes people laugh. It’s impossible to be a depressed law student while sporting such an obviously ridiculous stache.
Think Jack Black in Margot at the Wedding.
Tomorrow: Briefing and Torts.
I’ll write about the rest of orientation later, probably tomorrow, but first, some quick hilarity from the past few days:
First, at Starbucks:
Me: “May I have a venti passion iced-tea unsweeted please?”
Starbucks girl: Sure!
Old guy next to me (blank stare): You speak Starbucks! What the hell did you order?
Then, today I ordered a latte at Caribou, a Starbucks competitor. The Caribou guy makes my latte, grimaces, and then takes it to an electronic scale.
Caribou guy #2 comes out and asks what the problem is.
Caribou guy #1: How much is a large latte supposed to weigh?
Me (to myself, in shock): You are not serious.
Caribou guy #2: Let’s look at the chart!
#2 pulls out a complete index of the proper weights of beverages and Caribou guys begin a deep discussion on the proper weight of a latte. After a few minutes Caribou guy #1 exclaims that he HAS to remake my latte.
Caribou guy #1: This is unacceptable. I have to redo this.
Me: Really, it’s not that serious.
Caribou guy #1: It’s the WRONG WEIGHT! This is more of a cappuccino than a latte!
Me: Erm… I’m still shocked that you guys actually weigh your drinks.
Caribou guy #1: Yes! Of course! And it’s the WRONG weight! This has TOO MUCH FROTH! It’s waaay more a cappuccino than a latte!
Me: Uh, what’s the difference exactly?
Caribou guy #1: A cappuccino has more foam and less milk. It’s slightly more bitter too.
Me: It’s not that serious. I’m fine with the drink you made, SERIOUSLY do not make another one.
This would not do. He scooped out the foam and added more milk. He almost weighed the drink again but I shot a strategic “don’t you DARE” look.
Caribou guy #1: It’s still too much of a cappuccino.
Me (tasting the drink): This is how Starbucks makes them.
Caribou guy #1 actually GASPS, and shouts: BUT STARBUCKS SUCKS!
I did a full, wide eyed wtf-look. There was a split second of pure, unpasteurized awkward, and then I told him to have a good day. Yikes.
And the final bit of hilarity also happened today, when I called my mother.
Me (in German): Hey mom, how are you?
Madre (in English, with shouts in the background): IT SMELLS LIKE SHIT!
Me: W-What?
Madre: IT SMELLS LIKE SHIT HERE! OH MY GOD!
Me: Like, it smells bad? Or does it literally smell like feces?
Madre: POOP! IT SMELLS LIKE SHIT! My neighbor started scrubbing but it’s not quick enough…OH MY GOD IT SMELLS LIKE SHIT! The whole apartment building is out here cleaning! The entire back balcony smells like shit! I think I know who it is too…this lady from downstairs has a cat and it probably got sick or something … (more shouts in the background) I HAVE TO GO!
Click.
While that was a new one… madre DOES still live in Miami. Updates on Poop-Spill 2008 later.
Maybe I am too formal about email correspondence but, well…this is a short email exchange I had with a financial aid rep from Otherschool (a law school I decided not to attend.)
——————————————————————————–
Date: Wed, 6 Aug 2008 23:02:11 -0700
From: FinAid@Otherschool.edu
CC: FinAid@Otherschool.edu
Subject: No FAFSA on file
To: Jansen
Hello,
You recently received a letter from our office letting you know that we would be evaluating your financial aid eligibility. We can only do this if we receive a copy of your completed Free Application for Federal Student Aid (FAFSA). As of today, we have not received your data.
Bla bla, complete your FAFSA bla bla bla.
If you do not need financial aid at this time, please let us know and we’ll code your account accordingly. In the interim, if you have any questions, please let us know, we’d be happy to assist you.
Sincerely,
Terry
Office of Financial Aid
Otherschool, School of Law
FinAid@Otherschool.edu
(213) 623-8088
From: Jansen 8/10/2008 12:59 PM
To: FinAid@Otherschool.edu
Hello, I do not know if this email was sent in error, but I am not attending Otherschool School of Law in the fall.
I have already communicated this with the admissions office. If my application is still on file, please rescind it.
Thank you.
– Dennis Jansen
Date: 13 Aug 2008 23:02:11 -0700
From: FinAid@Otherschool.edu
sorry abt that, we’ll take care of it. Thx, Terry
Office of Financial Aid
Otherschool, School of Law
FinAid@Otherschool.edu
(213) 623-8088
K, thx, ttyl lol.
A group of handymen walked through the law library this afternoon. They talked loudly to each other over the sound of their NexTel phones – SQUAWK somethinginSpanish SQUAWK
Guy and I watched the handymen pass and shot the “oh how rude” look.
“You can tell they never went to college,” Guy said.
Ten minutes later: A female law professor stomps through the aisles, juggling three bags and a Blackberry.
“What? What? Honey, SPEAK UP. Oh, Edward? I’ll pick him up after I make copies.”
Guy and I watched her pass and then exchanged a look.
“So what’s HER excuse?” I asked.
I’m in Miami for one last summer. Guess where I spend most of my time? The law library.
I’m not doing any intense prep for law school.. Although I have read a few law-related books, I’m not frantically outlining horn books or briefing cases for practice. No, I’m not that boy.
I spend most of my time reading novels.
Yes, in the law library.
This may seem bizarre to people not from Miami, but the crystal blue skies and beautiful beaches are only travel brochure fodder.
Do not be fooled. The reality of Miami is heat, humidity, and mosquitoes.
I’m working at my undergrad university (U Miami) this summer. UMiami has a scenic campus,but I can’t read outside because of the raging hordes of mosquitoes.
I’m not exaggerating. Raging hordes. Seriously. These are Genghis Khan-level mosquitoes – I have to reapply the bug spray every 20 minutes to prevent severe blood loss. And those mild bug sprays don’t work. I have to buy OFF! Deep Woods, which smells faintly of rot.
One of my coworkers was bit so badly yesterday that she resembled a smallpox victim.
And reading at the beach? No go. Miami Beach is miserably crowded with tourists, joggers, winos, coke dealers, and etc. It’s also expensive. The parking garages charge $15 if you are over 4 hours. Gas on the beach? $4.41 for regular. No, mam.
I generally go to Virginia Key, which is an island/nature reserve off the coast of downtown Miami. Virginia Key is only a $1.50 toll and $3 entrance fee the park/beach.
The problem with Virginia Key is that it’s a nature reserve so you have to deal with, well, nature. Which includes hordes of mosquitoes from the mangrove swamp.
The mangrove swamp in question…
There are also looming predatory birds (including vultures) and the occasional dead shark,
For those who thought I was kidding…
Oh, and the locals (fishermen + bratty children). So, for summer reading the beach is out.
This is why my summer reading ritual consists of a stop at Starbucks and the law library.
And the Miami law library is a bit intense.
Books, tabs, highlighters, and a freakly, strained quiet that makes me nervous to blink.
Coughing? Out of the question. I’ll choke it down until I can creep off to the bathroom or stairwell to hack.
The worst part isn’t the quiet but the faces of the law students. The expressions are variations of miserable, angry, or sickly.
Yesterday, the ‘angry’ variety was dominant.
A couple left their belongings unattended on a table. The table was part of cluster surrounded by study carrels. They left their laptops, books, papers, everything.
There were a lot of people around, so theft seemed unlikely, but these people were gone for a while.
And then it happened: a cellphone buried somewhere in the pile of crap on that table went off.
Annoying ringtone.
Full blast.
EVVVVVVERRY BODY IN THE CLUB GETTING TIPSY!
Tension, gasps, and it rings again, EVVVVVVERRY BODY IN THE CLUB GETTING TIPSY!
And then there was that moment typically only seen on National Geographic; You know, the moment when the zebras realize something is amiss… the scamper of a predator, a cracked twig, a dart, something, and then all the zebras freeze in a collective wide-eyed “oh shit” moment before deciding what to do.
Well, about half of us had the “oh shit” zebra stare down. The phone kept going off.
EVVVVVVERRY BODY IN THE CLUB GETTING TIPSY! EVVVVVVERRY BODY…
Then the Jackals came out.
Heads popped of the study carrels. People shot hateful glares at the unattended table. The phone wasn’t visible because it was somewhere under the papers and books, but it rang, and rang, …and then finally stopped.
But of course the person called back.
EVVVVVVERRY BODY, EVVVVVVERRY BODY, EVVVVVVERRY BODY IN THE CLUB GETTING TIPSY!
The Jackals slammed their books, sucked their teeth, and walked single file to the bathroom. Some muttered dark threats under their breath. One guy just twitched and said “Fuck! Shit! Fuck!”
The phone stopped and the happy couple returned. Guy and girl. With Subway bags. They seemed glad that their stuff hadn’t been swiped. There were so many people around. It’s safe. Go on, take as many half-hour subway breaks as you want…The no food policy in the library? Whatever. It’s about as important as that whole silence your cellphone jig…
The hilarity ensued when the 5-6 jackals returned to the study area and shot hateful, hateful looks at the couple. The couple probably thought it was because they were eating.
No, not probably – definitely, because they exchanged a look and then LEFT AGAIN with their food, supposedly to eat it outside.
And yes, they forgot their phone…because 5 minutes later… EVVVVVVERRY BODY, EVVVVVVERRY BODY…
I left after that because I was pretty sure the twitcher was going to cut someone.
20,000 mosquitoes would be less stressful than these law students.
Here are some of the old posts by law student bloggers that I’ve found amusing and/or helpful. I’ve probably missed a lot of great posts – please link me to some of your favorite oldies.
Update: Here are the submissions:
Take up smoking. If you’re already a smoker, take up heroin. If you’re already addicted to heroin, just freebase the UCC. – Tort of Cockblocking: Advice for 1L’s
A Brief Taxonomy of Classroom Participation Strategies: Playing Possum – For gunners finding it particularly hard to get called on, feigned distraction and boredom can often provoke the desired response. Pretend to be asleep, or obsessed with your navel, or masturbating in class, and more often than not the professor will call on you, thinking you easy prey. Make him regret it. – Buffalo Wings & Vodka
I know that warm, musky space between professors’ ass cheeks is your natural habitat, but the class is blind graded; you’re not doing yourself any favors by kissing up, you’re just pissing off your classmates.- Law Bitches: Tips for 2L’s
Prof. Son of a Bitch: “If a Jehovah’s Witness comes to my door, do I infringe his free speech rights if I say ‘get the hell off my property, I don’t need to go to heaven’?” – The War Against All: Professor Son of A Bitch
Law school is no harder than any other school. The thing that makes law school worse than other school (note: NOT harder) is that it requires you to be one hundred times more organized if you want to keep your head above water. While some things in law school are relatively easy to bullshit, you can’t bullshit your exam. And to be able to NOT bullshit your exams, you have to be organized all semester. – Divine Angst: things I wished I’d known LAST YEAR
Law school is bullshit. It’s like being back in high school, only with a lot bigger egos and a lot more alcohol involved. The Barristers Ball? It’s fucking prom. If I have to listen to one more bitch describe her damn dress to me, I’m chopping her up into pieces and stuffing her in my locker. Bar Review? No one fucking goes. It’s not that law students don’t drink. It’s just that we are all closet alcoholics. Apparently it is not socially acceptable to be drinking from a flask in the middle of Con Law. Nor is it socially acceptable to go to bar review, order a pitcher of beer and then drink it all – directly from the pitcher. At least I’m getting smarter: everyone that sits around me just thinks I drink a lot of coffee, no one knows that it is just straight gin in my travel coffee mug every morning. – Law Bitches: Diary of a 1L
Torts prof: There is a limit to what the human liver can process. I think its like 200 times your body weight in alcohol…
1L: Fortunately, the more you drink, the more you weigh so…
Torts prof: Yeah, but there comes a point where it has to yell out: I’m your liver. I quit.
Butterflyfish
On Anonymous Blogging: 1. It doesn’t work anyway. As I said, most professional (or school) bloggers move within a world circumscribed by a very limited number of real-world walls. This means your anonymity is inversely proportional to the actual value of figuring out who you are. 3 years of hell
Too chicken shit to bring this directly to me, little boy? Are you all so frightened by my words that you cower in your little blogs and pretend to be all powerful? Boy in Suit: Drama
Ok. I just got ass raped. That’s right, raped, right up the ass. Who raped me, you ask? Why none other than the college bookstore. Naked Drinking Coffee
I’m sure someone must have posted these already, but, these videos made my day. They are from the NYU Law Revue and well, absolutely brilliant.
The first one is a musical on law library etiquette.
The second is about the Barbri girl.
