Law School – 2L Archives - Page 5 of 8

2L Spring / 2L Spring Summaries / Life / Minneapolis-St. Paul

Took the Night

February 14, 2010

It is 1 a.m. and we are at St. Paul’s Camp Bar. Eric and Curt are off another room, but I am on the dance floor because Beyonce’s “Video Phone” is playing. An over-cologned Ethiopian-Somali¹ guy watches me from the bar.

A remix of “Took the Night” comes on. The Somali and I exchange a look, he puts down his drink, and a full-scale vogue battle ensues.

I usually do not vogue at random bars, especially in St. Paul, but I just wasted a hour listening to a crappy cover band butcher top-40 hits. The band is on break, the video-Jockey is playing vogue music, and therefore boomkats are in order. The Somali agrees.

We give hands, dips, and duck walk as guys at the bar gawk on like “what kind of fuckery is this?” The battle lasts for the entire song. We then clear the dance floor and the cover band comes back on:

Surprisingly, our random vogue-off was not the hottest mess in St. Paul that night: earlier, at the Movie Bears Beer Bust, there was a 400-pound woman wearing black underwear, fish net stockings, and 3-sizes-too-small spiked heels.

Eric was so amused and wanted to pose near her, but I could not get a good shot of our Pussycat Doll because her friend blocked the view:

Normally, I would just ask the Pussycat Doll if she would pose with Eric, but she was ranting about how she didn’t understand why people were making fun of her, so I decided not to add any fuel to the drama-fire.

Last night’s beer bust was my first Movie Bears event. The club usually watches movies on Tuesdays, which is Trivia night, but they also watch horror movies on Fridays. It seems like a fun group, but I haven’t decided if I want to tack one more event onto my social calendar. Do I have time for this?

¹ This is actually accurate. I asked.

Law School – 2L / legal humor / picture of the day

The law school makeover

February 11, 2010

It’s 10 a.m. and I am clutching a bottle of vodka to my brow.

I tripped on a dog leash while returning from the morning dog walk and slammed straight into a door knob ala Final Destination.

I heard a crunch and felt like I just got decked by Brooke Hogan.

This was surely going to give me a juicy knot, and the frozen vodka bottle served as my ice-pack.

The juicy knot never formed on my forehead, but the tender feeling and light-headedness was the final touch to my 2L makeover:

2L Spring / Law School / on the record

Family law, aka: The Circus

February 8, 2010

The class has slowly deteriorated…

Jill is harsh.

Professor W: “Those you in the class with kids! What if your kid was 15 and wanted to marry a 48-year-old guitar teacher. What would you do?”
Jill: “All girls boarding school!”
Professor W: “Where they beat them?”
Jill: “Sure!”
Professor W: “Or where they handcuff them to the bed at night?”
Jill: “Well if she wanted to marry a 48-year-old…”

Professor W doesn’t agree.

Professor W: “Should the husband be allowed after 25 years to go “oh we weren’t married at all …hahaha fuck you?’ Well? Should he, Judge Smith? Will you let him do that?”
Jack: “Yes!”
Professor W: “NO YOU WILL NOT!”

2L Spring / 2L Spring Summaries

BWE 3: Mastering the Hill, Blackberry

February 7, 2010

Note: Best Week Ever (BWE) is a summary of the prior week.

So how does a three-day school week feel? This sums it up:

I had two oral arguments on Monday. My moot court section has an odd number of students, so I volunteered to argue off-brief.
It was slightly awkward waltzing in and arguing for the other side: “May it please the Court, forget everything I said one hour ago! These guys are so totally not guilty, and US Americans…”

It wasn’t so terrible, and I survived.

I spent the bulk of Tuesday’s school day in the Sprint Store. The Rottweiler ate my phone, and a quick lunch-time phone replacement turned into an epic customer service fail.

I made a point of not being snide or pissy with the Sprint customer service reps. It is embarrassing and stressful enough for a worker to look incompetent in front of a customer. Exasperating someone’s discomfort is not going to make them provide better service.

My politeness also allowed me to adopt a sense of moral superiority while watching the parade of rude customers that came into the store.

The worst guy was a very short man with a baseball cap who walked in with his arms folded:

Chipper customer service rep: “Welcome to Sprint! How may we help you today?”
Napoleon: (dramatic pause) “I have been a customer for over 15 years! I demand service! ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?”

I felt like I was on the set of a CBS sitcom, and it was hilarious.

We eventually got my blackberry working, and I spent the rest of the week playing foursquare and connecting with more Minnesotans.

Foursquare is this stalkerish, twitter-like application that uses your GPS to pinpoint your location and broadcasts the location to your facebook and twitter streams.

You can leave to-do tips for other users, and even see who else is at your location. This is awesome because when I “check in” at work I am instantly connected to new coworkers.¹

My workweek started on Wednesday. I’m not sure if this was a good idea.
I had the same problem last week: I went to work on Wednesday after an exhausting school day and I got behind on cases.
I did not want my quota to suffer, so I spent the rest of the week playing catch up and worked for free on Sunday.

Several of my coworkers had the same problem. You get behind, feel guilty for being behind… stress builds, productivity decreases, you wake up the next day with more to do than the day before…

I refused to get on the hamster wheel this week. I have always met my employer’s productivity quota and I’m not going to walk around like Raggedy Ann because I failed to live up to my artificially heightened expectations for one day. Cue Portia Nelson.

Friday was epic, Saturday was calm, and today is my day of work and homework. It is like prepping before cooking the feast. The more work I get done today, the easier my mini-school week will be. We’ll see how this goes….

¹ My connectedness level has increased with the blackberry. I have never been so up to date on my email. I think the best part of the PDA experience has been meeting more Minnesotans. I hate to use the term “networking” but that’s essentially what’s going on.

2L Spring

Red-eyed oral arguments

February 2, 2010

Yesterday I had two oral arguments for moot court. I spent the majority of the afternoon holed up in the library’s computer lab to prep.

There wasn’t a good reason for me to be in the computer lab since I left my student ID in my gym bag and therefore could not print. I think I just like scribbling holdings and doctrines on pieces of paper while watching more prepared students print.

Here was the view:

That’s Riverside Plaza/The Stacks, a sprawling public housing complex that houses America’s biggest population of Somalis. The building feels like the Death Star is looming over the law library…which felt oddly appropriate during my oral argument prep…
I called Lens Crafters between my oral arguments because my eyes have been blaring-red lately and people are starting to suspect that I’ve lost it.

Me: “My eyes have been really red lately when I wearmy contact lenses and I’m wondering if it’s something I’m doing.”
Optometrist: “Are you following my cleaning, rubbing, and storing directions this time?”
Me: “Yes, yes!”
Optometrist: “Hm. Are your eyes getting dry when you wear contacts?”
Me: “They shouldn’t be. I’ve been going through ClearEyes like mad…”
Optometrist: “You’ve been doing WHAT?”
Me: “…uh…using ClearEyes… you know, the eye drops?”
Optometrist: “…yes. The eye drops you’re not supposed to use while wearing contacts…”
Me: “Doh.”

Outside of the oral argument room I ran into Jill, my opponent.

Me: “Apparently you’re not supposed to use ClearEyes with contacts.”
Jill: “Oh duh! There are special eye drops for contacts…”

Well crap. At least I learn something new every day?

2L Spring / Law School / on the record

Dude, where’s my grade?

January 28, 2010

I approached the law school information desk trying desperately not to be “twitchy high-strung law student pestering about his grades”…but…

Me: “Hi, (twitches) I was here last week about my Conlaw II grade…and I was wondering (twitch) what the status on that was…”
Infodesk guy: “Hm. I thought those were in last week. Let me call Registrarman.”
Me (still twitching, and sweating): “Thank you.”

Five minutes later, Registrarman comes out.

Registrarman: “The Conlaw grades were in over a week ago. They should be up.”
Me: “But my grade isn’t up.”
Registrarman: “That’s odd. I posted all of the Conlaw I grades last week…”
Me: “Oh, nono, but I am in Conlaw II!”
Registrarman: “OH! That’s a different course!”
Me (twitch): “Yes. It is. Sorry, I don’t want to be a pest, but, (twitch) I have had all of my other grades for a while, and this the ONLY grade I’m waiting on and…so…um like US Americans and such as…”
Registrarman: “Let me go check that one.”

He disappears for 5 more minutes.

Registrarman: “Your professor has until February 1st to turn the Conlaw II grades in. She’s not late yet.”
Me (twitching, sweating, my deoderant breaking down…): “Oh…okay…thank you…”

I then scurry off awkwardly, trying not to stumble as Registrarman cackles evilly. Womp.

2L Spring

Moot confusion

January 27, 2010

Today was our first and only moot court meeting of the semester. The attorney-instructor whisked through this semester’s requirements, circulated some sign-up sheets, and then asked if we had any questions.

Jill looked around, and then said,

Jill: “I have absolutely no idea what is going on.”

After a collective nervous laugh, the attorney-instructor re-explained how the course works:

Moot court is a February-only class this semester.
We have to revise our appellate brief and do three oral arguments, including an off-brief argument.
The course is over on February 22nd.

Basically, we have an oral argument each week except for the week our brief is due. And we are on a curve, with 9 students with no objective way to evaluate our performance.

Although I had a major “wtf” moment while sitting in the class, the requirements don’t seem so awful now. Revising a moot court brief is not as terrible as writing it, and the oral arguments aren’t burdensome if I properly schedule the arguments.

The trick to moot court (and anything in law school really) is to do the work instead of procrastinating or bitching about it. We’ll see how I do.

2L Spring

Perfume and hobos

January 26, 2010

I am sitting in the e-commons¹ between my international and corporate tax classes. I am halfway through the reading for my real estate seminar when this girl walks in and sits at my table.

She’s wearing a lime green Aéropostale jumpsuit with uggs, and is soaked (SOAKED!) in perfume. People around us look up. Some cough. I stifle a wretch.

My first impulse was to jump up and scream, “HARK! SHE’S TRYING TO KILL US ALL! MUSTARD GAS ATTACK! MUSTARD GAS ATTACK! BOO HAK-HAK-HAK!!” and then run out of the room with my arms flailing, …but that never goes well so I just sat there and tried to not vomit.

Later, as I walked to class, I realized that Rainbow Brite’s perfume was so strong that I now smelled like it. I was unamused.

Before I could get too hysterical about the involuntary perfuming, I ran into Sideshow Bob, the resident crazy-homeless person in the Westbank skyway. Bob sits around the skyway and heckles people or reads scripture. It is hard to focus on an involuntary perfuming when a toothless man is shouting the good-word in the hallway.

Sideshow Bob was still looming around the skyway’s convenience store when I returned later in the afternoon. But this time he found a chair and started chanting in Spanish. Si, si!

I think the key to school etiquette is not being distracting. I don’t want to be nasally assaulted by your cologne, harassed by your screaming of scripture, interrupted by your library phone calls, or bored by your in-class tangents. And this applies to the random homeless people, scantily clad undergrads, and yes, even law students.

¹ The e-commons (essentials market commons) is a dimly lit cafeteria space in the westbank skyway. It is essentially a bunch of tables in a basement room where people study between classes.

2L Spring / 2L Spring Summaries

Best Week Ever: first week of spring semester?

January 24, 2010

Spring semester started, I think?

It was a strange week. I worked through Monday, and school started on Tuesday.

This week I had family law, corporate tax, advanced estate planning, and a housing clinic. I dropped the clinic before the end of the first session because it sounded like a miserable time-suck. I did that “oh we’ll see how this works out” bit last semester and I’m over it. I know what I want in a class and will drop accordingly.¹

Law school has definitely lost its new car smell; I am bored and annoyed. Does Jack have to raise his hand in every class? Where is my Conlaw II grade? And why is it okay for people to go barefoot in school? If you can’t roll into a McDonald’s barefoot then it shouldn’t be acceptable at a professional school – just saying…

I don’t exactly march around school shooting bitchy looks at people, but I am no longer the chipper, lingering 1L.

Things outside of school are vastly more interesting. The dogs keep me busy and amused at home when I’m not skipping off to work or being social. The “being social” bit this week included Trivia night at Innuendo, the Colbie Caillat/Uncle Kracker concert and the Loring Pasta bar with Joel, Avatar with Eric, and random bar-club hilarity that included black-eyes and boyish lesbian DJs.

So of course by Friday I was run-down and sick, popped enough cold and allergy medication to offend my liver, and woke up early enough on Saturday to start my 10-hour workday at 5:30am.

By Saturday night I felt better so I hosted a movie night at my place featuring Revolutionary Road, Humpday, State of Play, and red stripe.

Today I worked, went to Wal-Mart, did laundry, cooked for the week, and finally combated the hostile occupation of grime on my stove. I smell like vinegar and Lysol…which isn’t a terrible way to end the first week of spring semester.

¹I added International Tax Law to replace the credits lost by the clinic. It’s at 8:30am on Mondays and Tuesdays, but it means that I have Thursday and Friday off from school. It isn’t truly a 4-day weekend because I am working, but I prefer to do my 20 hours over a 4-day work week than a 2 day weekend.

2L Spring

Taking a stance by fleeing

January 21, 2010

I dropped my Housing Clinic before the first session ended.

Today’s class was a blitzkrieg of red flags which made it clear that the clinic would make me miserable. The directors spoke in terms of “amorphous grading,” last minute changes, and court times that force students to skip class.

They also hinted that housing cases move so fast that “good enough” would have to suffice for court preparation, and the student directors said that some of the hearings were so brief that they sometimes only had time to spurt out their first, best argument.

I need a break this semester. I want to snuggle up with the dogs and the tax code. Rushing around crazy and sleep deprived because I let some irrelevant¹ clinic play Godzilla to the Tokyo of my schedule is not going to happen. “Looks good on the resume” be damned.

So I am the newest member of the morning international tax course, and so grateful that I put my foot down, and fled.

¹ Irrelevant to my career goals.

2L Spring / 2L Winter / Law School / Minneapolis-St. Paul

End of break, start of spring

January 20, 2010

Spring semester started, somehow. That means winter break is over.

I had this vision (delusion) of winter break as this slow, peaceful thing filled with vast amounts of free time. Instead, winter break was characterized by 10-hour¹ workdays, epic nights out with long-neglected friends in Minneapolis and Miami, and a slowly deteriorating apartment.

The apartment was so disorderly by the end of break that I would only let Phillip see it. Then came the second dog, a massive apartment scrub down, and – yep – classes again.

This semester is more exciting and less cluttered. Two of my professors are partners at law firms, and one of my professors has reached an age and level of prestige where she just can drop F-bombs in class. I love it.

There are also no more 8am classes, ridiculously stacked² days, and I started going to the gym again! I am beside myself with joy.

And no class on Friday. Oh yeah.

The only class³ I have yet to have is my housing clinic. This is my first clinic⁴ and I’m not sure what to expect. I guess I’ll find that out tomorrow.

Tonight I’m seeing Joel, who has been MIA, and we are going to the Colbie Caillat/Uncle Kracker/Theory of a Deadman concert. The concert sounds a tad less exciting than a Beyonce concert, but not quite as bad a root canal. We’ll see how this goes.

¹ This was because I worked full time, but 3 of the 4 weeks of break were compressed. One week was compressed because finals ended on Tuesday, and the two weeks abutting the Miami trip were also shortened. This is why I had to work 10 hour days to get my time in.
² Stacked days mean stacked books. Last semester I had to carry around an overnight bag just for my books. This semester I only have two 1-inch books. This is so awesome I might cry.
³ Class, ie, not moot court. I have no idea what’s going with that…
⁴ One thing I like about this semester is that my classes are very practical and relevant to my goals. I came to law school to practice estate planning, but I really like tax law, so I was excited when my estate planning seminar professor told me that estate planning is laden with tax issues.

2L Spring / Law School / legal humor / on the record

Family Law: Day 1

January 19, 2010

Professor W returns. I had her for Wills & Trusts last summer, and now I am in a 100-person Family Law course with her. I didn’t take Family Law for the blog fodder, seriously…but…

The old “is the used book okay?” question:

Professor W: “People ask me the difference between the 4th edition of the book and the old one. And I don’t know how to answer that. How much is the new book?”
Jill: “$150!”
Professor W: “Good god! And how much is the old book?”
Jack: “I got it for $10.”
Professor W: “Wow…that’s a difference…well, what would you spend the extra money on?”
Jack: “Well, when I bought the used book for Wills & Trusts, I used the extra money to go to a Packers game, and I thought that was a good investment!”
Professor W: “That doesn’t sound appealing to me at all! Good thing we are different. And you might be dead tomorrow. You might not have a chance to spend that money. Buy the new book”

About love and marriage:

Professor W: “It’s because of this western notion that we make lifetime commitments for “love,” which is really dumb. There are so many better reasons to marry than love that are more binding. Why do you think so many of your friends are divorcing? It’s because they entered into this thing with unrealistic expectations!”
Professor W:”Another problem is that we live too long. It might be alright to marry for love if your life expectancy is 37, but if you live to 100 – my god – that’s a long time to be with one person. How dull!”

2L Winter / Minneapolis-St. Paul / picture of the day

Trivia Mafia night

January 15, 2010

Jake finally posted the picture from last Tuesday night’s Trivia Night at Innuendo. Behold:

We won that week, but didn’t do as well this week. We didn’t place last, but it was still a hard fall from grace…

We debated what to do about the competition and you can expect a flurry of “accidents” over the weekend.

2L Winter

TV and sweat

January 14, 2010

I haven’t owned a TV since starting law school.

The problem is that I turn on Bravo and 12 hours later I’m all, “did I really just watch an entire cycle of America’s Next Top model?”

I get held hostage by marathons, and would probably flunk out of law school if I had a TV at home.

This is where the gym comes in – the cardio machines have flat screen TVs attached! I spent an hour today working out and watching the Real Housewives of Orange County (and the Haiti carnage on CNN during commercial breaks.) It was amazing. I’m obsessed…and tired.

2L Winter / pictures

Viva Miami, welcome Minneapolis

January 12, 2010

The pilot came on the intercom.

Pilot: “Do we have any MDs on board? If you are a MD please touch your flight attendant call button. A passenger is ill and we need your assistance.”

Everyone looked around. No doctors aboard. A flight attendant rushed by with an intense looking oxygen tank.
The pilot repeated his request, and then asked if any nurses or medical personnel were aboard. No takers. Vet techs? None.
I felt pretty useless – “I can offer qualified legal advice!”

We arrived in Minneapolis and waited for the paramedics to fetch the ill passenger. I then stormed to baggage claim and wandered the parking garage¹ for my car.

I hadn’t slept in 24 hours and was in a vicious mood.

I went to the University of Miami the night before. Trisha and I visited our old dorm and caught up on the student-life drammy.

The RAs chirped about homecoming and were freaking out about decorating their floors. Trisha and I looked at each other and laughed. We are both in professional school now, but just two years ago we were fumbling with construction paper and rubber cement. How bizarre.

I think I horrified one of the RAs who is thinking about applying to law school. Gloomy tales of the legal job market – dum dum dum!

After the dorm visit I went to South Beach for Lady Gaga² night at Twist.

Ben and I were posted at the main bar again. Blaring house music, strobes, bodybuilders, and periodic visits by the club’s manager and owner. Ben and I insisted on having a 4-hour³ conversation over the music, so I’m croaking like a seasoned smoker today.

I left the club around 5 a.m. and had a terrifying ride with a cab driver who was more familiar with the gas pedal than the road markings. I then showered and packed for the airport.

The airport was a disaster. The Delta Airlines area was understaffed and chaotic.
The baggage drop line was 100-people deep and crisscrossed the self check-in line. The result was that no one knew what line they were in until waiting in the wrong line for a half hour.
The lines moved at a glacial pace and we slowly realized that there was no way we would make our flight.

So many of us were late that they held the plane for us, but they didn’t tell us that the plane was waiting, so a pack of us tore down the terminal like we were being chased by zombie TSA agents.

After the airport sprint in Miami, the medical dramatics on the plane, and the 30 minute car seeking expedition in the Minneapolis Airport’s parking garage, I was so relieved to pick up Harley from the pet hotel and crash.

I slept for 8 hours, did laundry and some minimal cleaning, and I am going back to sleep so I can make it to work early.

It was a fun, exhausting trip.

Viva Miami, but welcome Minneapolis.

¹ Parking was close to $75…bejesus.
² Unofficial Lady Gaga night… they played “Bad Romance” at least three times, “Telephone” twice, “Love Game” and “Poker face.”
³ As opposed to the stand, pose, and smile routine that Carlos and I have mastered.

2L Winter / Take Three

Beethoven Van

January 11, 2010

This is pretty awesome. It was parked on the bay near the Mandarin Hotel.

2L Winter / memories / Miami

The Circuit

January 10, 2010

Last night, Carlos and I hit up the Wilton Manors circuit.

Alibi. The night starts at the video bar. A tiny man with bug glasses and a messenger bag hits on Carlos. Carlos isn’t feeling it, so the tiny-tot finds a senior citizen.

Boom. We perform for a crowd on the moonwalk stage. The house music gets repetitive so Carlos does hydraulics while I walk it out. Later, Video Phone comes on in the video bar. Carlos stands and laughs while I bust out with the boomkats.
On the way back to the car we come across a pimptastic pair of shoes in the window of Bottoms & Tops, but it was 12:10am and the store closed at midnight. Shucks.
We then head to Ramrod. The bar is so crowded that we have to circle the neighborhood to park. Bartender is morbidly obese, shirtless, and rancid-smelling, but the music is good. I also run into a college crush, who was no longer as charming, but much friendlier.

The next bar is The Manor, a new sprawling club-restaurant-lounge. The club is so big that it is billed as a “complex.” The Manor is beautiful, multi-storied, and sprinkled with thrones and bodybuilders. The main dance floor has blaring 20-minute remixes, and there is also a salsa fest going on in the side bar.

Afterwards we head to Torpedo, which is open later than all of the other clubs in the county. Torpedo is dead until at least 3am, and then it’s suddenly packed. At that point we are just mischievous, doing ridiculous dances, and taunting people.

The night ended at Lester’s, a 24-hour diner near the old Coliseum. Grease, gossip, and decaf coffee.

It was a hilarious, intense night. Although I have no idea how we managed to do the Broward circuit so often in college…maybe I’m getting old?

2L Winter / Miami / pictures

Viceroy Hotel & Spa

January 10, 2010

I think this is awesome.

: Viceroy Hotel & Spa

2L Winter / Miami

Unmissed

January 9, 2010

It’s 3:30 a.m. I’m in South Beach.

Ben and I are sitting at the bar in Club Twist’s main room. It’s packed. Bodybuilders, tourists, and drag queens. Cigarettes and overpriced drinks.

A Lady Gaga remix comes on. We scream in each other’s ears to talk. During the climax of the song, the lights of the bar start flashing like a seizure test. People scream and jump. I look at Ben and say, “I missed this.”

Later I’m downstairs and Carlos is introducing me to a pack of friends, quickly referencing a relationship, job, or affair so I can place the characters.

Earlier that evening we ate at Versailles in Little Havana.

Rice, beans, plantains, and gossip. Versailles is the most famous restaurant in Miami. Every time something happens in Cuba, the news crews go to Versailles to film the angry old men cursing the revolution.

I missed the Cuban food and clubs. I did not miss the $10 drinks or the greasy men¹ in BMWs who only slow down to flip someone off.

I’ve spent the majority of the day watching a Law & Order SVU marathon. I haven’t owned a TV since starting law school because I get held hostage by these marathons.

The last time I watched Law & Order was around this time last year at Jamie’s house. I had just come back from Miami and spent most of my break at Jamie’s place. He’d go to work. I sat around and drinking tea and watching Law & Order.

Law school and work have ruined Law & Order. It’s one huge evidence and professional responsibility disaster, but I watch because it’s break and I’m amused.

Law & Order is permanently associated with winter break. So is clubbing on South Beach and the greasy men in BMWs.

¹ This happened on US 1 near UMiami.

2L Winter / pictures

Brickell and the pissed off manager

January 8, 2010

These are some pictures of Brickell, which is apparently overrun with Publix grocery stores. The neighborhood has three Publix stores so far.

Mom and I went to the P.F. Chang’s in Mary Brickell village. A waitress told us to seat ourselves, and on our way to a table we passed a manager talking to a chef.

The manager was annoyed when he saw us:

Manager: “Next time when you come into the restaurant please wait to be seated.”
Me: “We were told to seat ourselves.”
Manager: “WHAT?”
Me: “They told us to seat ourselves.”
Manager: “WHO?”
Me: “A waitress. I dunno.”
Manager: “Well they are smoking crack!”

The manager then stormed off as if he was going to beat the waitress. The chef was mortified and approached our table.

Chef: “Thank you for coming to P.F. Chang’s. We appreciate your business and hope you have a pleasurable dining experience.”

The message was clear: “Sorry the manager is a hot mess. I’m not involved in this.”