I went to law school immediately after graduating college, so I did not have to make the same jarring adjustments as many of my older peers. Sure, law school is much different than undergrad, but I was used to being a student.
After going back for my LL.M., I’ve experienced many of the strange adjustments that my older law school classmates complained about, like unusual class times, the lack of a real paycheck, and becoming a hermit for finals.
Professor B. recently discussed what to expect on the final exam, and how we can improve our grades:
Professor B: “It’s important to follow the instructions of the exam. When faced with 100 exams, I lose all humanity. So I terrorize you.”
The semester is off to quite the start – my days are filled with Westlaw searches, Tax Notes, and Bloomberg Portfolios.
A few things have changed since my J.D. days in Minnesota – TWEN has been ditched for something called Canvas and I am expected to find all of my assigned readings online, which means that I did not have to purchase any books. (Which is amazing!)
…and there is definitely something different about the younger students.
I work from home three days a week, which means I get to overhear the bus stop conversations of the middle schoolers.
Today two of them got into it. We’ll call them Wendy and Rachael.
I only had one question for the IRS:
I call the IRS’ practitioner priority line. Hold for about 30 minutes. Get transferred.
I hold for 10 more minutes. Get transferred again.
Reach a third person who gives me a number.
The professors assigned one of three Supreme Court cert petitions to each student and we wrote response briefs.
Today we defended our briefs in group debates. I spent the majority of our debate challenging Nancy Grace: “The defendant recruited four guys to invade Joana’s home, pistol whipped her husband, threw Joana in the car, and stole her bayyybay!”
Professor H noted that we look stressed, and that stressed law students are typical for November.
She then addressed our Thanksgiving schedule:
Jill summed up the situation in class today:
Jill: “I don’t know why I came to class today. I have so much to do that just sitting here stresses me out.
Amen.
Passing my 1L sectionmates follows this script:
Me: “Hey! Haven’t seen you in forever!
Jack: “So busy 3L year is! What the hey?!”
Me: “Oh yeah, I’m super swamped too.”
Jack: “I know right? Time to jet! Late for thisandthat!”
Me: “Bye cupcake!”
Class feels like a huge time suck that gets in the way of the work that I am actually graded on, and yet I have not missed a single class all semester.
Laura Edwards came to my Legal History Workshop class today to talk about her book, “The People and Their Peace: Legal Culture and the Transformation of Inequality in the Post-Revolutionary South.”
Edwards’ presentation was fascinating, which is typical for this semester’s workshops, but the best part of the workshop was the question-and-answer session:
Jill: “I wonder about the rights of white men who didn’t have property, you know, those who didn’t own land or slaves…the itinerant farmers…”
Edwards: “Yes. We call them ‘poor white trash’…”
Jill: “I WAS TRYING TO BE POLITICALLY CORRECT!”
Buhaha. Edwards keeps it real.
But today is different. I packed lunch for a marathon day at school, so I finally went to my locker to throw my lunch in.
My locker must have missed me because when I open the locker, it flings a bottle of Abercrombie Fierce cologne from the top shelf. The bottle smashes on the floor.
I quickly look around and pick up the glass shards, and then sneak to the trash and hide the evidence. I then wipe the floor dry, and hope I didn’t get too much of the Fierce water on me in the process.
I get a text from Alejandro:
Alejandro: “I’m in hotlanta for a while and for some reason it makes me think of you.”
Me: “I’m glad I’m associated with class and elegance.”
Alejandro: “More like ‘slightly less trashy black people with money’ I think. Like Nene from real Housewives!”
Great.
Today was a slightly shorter day of orientation. The 1Ls are still good troopers, but it was a personally frustrating day for some orientation leaders because we were constantly undermined by presenters:
On homework:
Orientation Leaders: “You’ll get your assignments on Friday, don’t worry about them now.”
10 minutes later:
Professor: “Read pages 1-5, 7-20, 30-36. Read EVERY WORD of the first case. It’s mostly Latin…”
On Professors:
1L: “I read on Rate My Professor that Professor Palsgraff is a horrible person who can’t teach and tortures bunnies. Is that true?!”
Orientation Leaders: “Well, everyone has different learning styles and everyone’s favorite professor is someone else’s least favorite. And although Professor Palsgraff may not be the most energetic speaker, she is at the top of her field, dedicated to her students, and surely only kicks the bunnies who deserve it.”
10 minutes later:
Student Speaker: “Oh and I heard you had Palsgraff for one of your classes! HAH! Lemme tell ya – you won’t learn SQUAT from Palsgraff, she’s a horrible teacher and wrings bunnies’ necks till the light leaves their eyes…”
A little water-cooler gossip…
Jill: “So Jack is dating Britney now?”
Me: “Yep.”
Jill: “Which one is Britney again?”
I discussed some of my dating prospects with Jill, a coworker, and then asked Jill if she had her eye on anyone. A law student maybe?
This summer my classmates and I are moving past law school and seeking post-graduation employment. This process involves a good deal of anger because we now realize how bad the job market is and how little our “prestigious” school actually prepared us for legal work.
It is like discovering that your “computer skills” degree from Global Flybynight University is useless, and that GFU is actually unaccredited.
Jill: “Just imagine standing over a toilet and flushing down $100,000. That’s what law school is like. And it’s horrible. It makes you chubby, and awkward, and miserable, and you actually pay for this…”
Professor W: “What’s so wrong with swearing? The most wonderful word in the English language is that four letter word that begins with “f” and ends with “k.”
Professor A: “Someone asked me to record today’s class because they said they were sick. I couldn’t tell if they were sick-sick or just sick of class.”
Professor A: “Like everything else in the internal revenue code, this is misleading and needlessly complex…”
Professor A: “Let me apologize if I appear meaningless and rambling today. I had to get up at 4am to catch my flight and I’m not sure if I know what the hell is going on.”
Professor A: “I don’t usually dress up this much to class but I wanted to show you guys what I wore to last night’s banquet!”
Professor W: “Is Mr. Jack here? Mr. Jack? Ah yes. So the footnote on page 701 reminds me of you. Are you embarrassed?”
Jack: “I’m slightly embarrassed, Mam.”
Professor W: “Well the note reminds me of you.”
Jack: “Why is that Mam?”
Professor W: “Because the litigant calls everyone Mam, just like you do.”
Jack: “Well, in my defense Mam, I did offer to call you Young Miss.”
Professor W: “Why use two words when one will do?! Besides both are equally inappropriate.”
The fun continues in Family Law:
Professor W: “What about gambling? Does anyone gamble? Who has ever gambled? Jill?”
Jill: “Well, I bet on sports. It’s like drinking a beer while watching a game! If you have $5 riding on it then the most boring game becomes the most exciting thing you have ever seen in your life!”
I was leaving my apartment building this morning when I saw a man run across the street. He clutched a soda and started shouting at me:
Sodaman: “Hey, can you hold the door for me?”
Me: “Uh, sure.
Sodaman: “Thanks. I live in apartment #45…just don’t want the police to come and…”