Real Estate Law: Professor E on title searches:
Professor E: “There are people who just love to do title searches. To them it’s just a huge puzzle and they love the history involved! But most people would rather shoot themselves…”
My tax professor’s asides:
Professor A: “Part of what started this stink was smartass business school professors…”
Professor A: “I’m sorry I’m not my usual sparkling self. I spent a long weekend in Boston eating way too much seafood…”
Yesterday I read for Conlaw II at the Spyhouse. A full hour of Madonna’s 80’s hits was playing while I read stuff like:
After sufficient dilation the surgical operation can commence. The woman is placed under general anesthesia or conscious sedation. The doctor, often guided by ultrasound, inserts grasping forceps through the woman’s cervix and into the uterus to grab the fetus. The doctor grips a fetal part with the forceps and pulls it back through the cervix and vagina, continuing to pull even after meeting resistance from the cervix. The friction causes the fetus to tear apart. For example, a leg might be ripped off the fetus as it is pulled through the cervix and out of the woman. The process of evacuating the fetus piece by piece continues until it has been completely removed. A doctor may make 10 to 15 passes with the forceps to evacuate the fetus in its entirety, though sometimes removal is completed with fewer passes. Once the fetus has been evacuated, the placenta and any remaining fetal material are suctioned or scraped out of the uterus. The doctor examines the different parts to ensure the entire fetal body has been removed.
Gonzales v. Carhart, 550 U.S. 124, 136 (2007)
Bleh. The abortion segment of the Conlaw is my least favorite. But Professor L’s asides kept things light in class:
This is the most important class. Ever:
Professor L: “I’m sure you think about the 10th amendment all the time!”
Overhead issues:
Professor L: “Oh, I forgot to write this on the overhead…I guess I’ll fill it out more before I post it on the uh… um… internet or whatever they are calling it these days…”
(ten minutes pass, and she begins typing again)
Professor L: “I know I’m misspelling like crazy but…well, you guys can just deal with it…”
Jill is about as blunt as Scalia:
Professor L: What does the court say about the respect for the culture of life?”
Jill: “You mean the part where the court just makes stuff up?”
See also, On The Record: Professor L
Mixed bag today:
It was 10 minutes before the end of class in Real Estate Law, but the professor must have seen the blank looks on our faces:
Professor E: “Hm. I think I’ve wreaked enough havoc for today.”
Professor V found a quote on one Justice’s expectations of the law:
If there is one thing that the people are entitled to expect from their lawmakers, it is rules of law that will enable individuals to tell whether they are married and, if so, to whom.” Justice Frankfurter, dissenting, in Estin v. Estin. 334,US 541 552 (1948).
And I appreciated Justice Harlan’s comment on Due Process in the Conlaw reading:
“The Due Process Clause stands, in my opinion, on its own bottom.” Concurring in Griswold v. Connecticut, 381 US 479
The law in that case involved a ban on contraceptives for married couples. Even Justice Stewart’s dissent acknowledges how crappy the law is: “I think this is an uncommonly silly law.”
Jill’s answer in Employment law was a little too thorough:
Professor I: “Uh, well,…you just demolished my next three questions…so, uh, good job!”
Not deterred, Professor E then asked the questions anyway and made Jill repeat her answers.
The estate tax expires in 2010.
Professor A: “Next year is the year to throw momma from the train!”
Pretend to be interested:
Professor A: “Did you see anything of interest in the reading?”
Jill: “I loathe to say that I didn’t…”
Professor A: “That is well advised!”
Why you should give notice to the home sellers, even if they have a lock box:
Professor E: “My husband was in his underwear, heard some noises downstairs, and snuck stealthily down the stairs with a baseball bat…and almost beat the buyers!”
I have Professor L again for Constitutional Law. I love the class, but even if I didn’t, the asides would make it totally worth it.
Professor L vs. the 14th amendment:
Professor L: “Let me quote directly here from the amendment… hm…where is it? Sorry… I momentarily forgot how to read roman numerals…”
Professor L hears a voice:
Professor L (looking down at the seating chart): “Mr. Smith?”
Jack Smith: “Here!”
Professor L (looking up): “Where are you? I just heard a voice…hearing voices! That’s all I need!”
Professor L trips:
Professor L: “Woops! Sorry. There’s a little wire here. I’ll probably fall on my face at some point…”
Professor L says stay healthy:
Professor L: “I was asked to record today’s class because a number of your colleagues are sick today with the swine flu or something. I suspect this is only going to get worse, so wash your hands regularly, carry Purell, refuse to shake hands with people, and stay healthy!”
For those of you who aren’t familiar with Professor L see:
Amber, a coworker who goes to another local law school, is going to invest in a talking stick:
Amber: “I’m bringing a talking stick to my seminar. There are two boys in it who think out loud, and just ramble on! Last class I’m sitting there wondering, ‘Do I really have to listen to this?!’ and one of the boys said, ‘Wait, I just need to finish this thought!’ and I wanted to scream ‘OH NO YOU DON’T! YOU HAVE NO COHERENT THOUGHTS! SHUT UP!”
And apparently Dolly Parton is still alive and well:
Amber: “Oh, and that Dolly Parton girl! The twins have been out EVERY SINGLE DAY since school started! And they are just tan and jiggly. I wonder how she gets them so tan…oh, and every time she breathes they quiver like Jello. It’s SO distracting!”
Today in Wills & Trusts, we are discussing the class schedule for the rest of the semester when Professor W stops and looks at Jack:
Professor W: “Don’t bite your fingers. I can’t watch that! You can go outside and munch all you want!”
The class engages in a collective gasp. Jack throws his hand down and flushes. Giggling ensues.
Today in my Wills & Trusts class:
Professor W: “So this widow gets $810,000. Is that enough to raise two kids?”
Jill: “Of course!”
Professor W: “Really? They have to grow up, be fed, go to school, go to college…”
Jill: “Shop at Wal-Mart and send them to public school, they’ll be just fine.”
In professional responsibility, Professor R and Jack discussed what constitutes legal advice, who can give it, and when it leads to liability:
Jack: “What about jailhouse lawyers?”
Professor R: “Hm…Well they are already in jail, so what the hell?”
In Wills & Trusts we reviewed some of the Model Rules of Professional Conduct:
Professor W: “Well, these are just about as useful to a lawyer practicing in the field as a valentine would be to a surgeon who is operating in the operation room…”
Jill’s top 10 moments:
10. Jill vs. Professor P.
Prof P: “Let’s see this is a very hard case… Jill let’s start with you!”
Jill (loudly): “ARGH!”
Prof P: “What was that?”
Jill : “Oh nothing!”
Prof P: “I thought I heard ‘no’, because if that’s so then I could just move on…”
Jill: “Wait, is that an option!?”
Prof P: “I wouldn’t recommend it.”
SSG Instructor: “You guys haven’t had multifactor balancing tests yet right?”
Jill: “Yeah, in legal writing last semester, but that was a disaster too…”
Professor R: “Is this an incentive for the suspect to run? Often the suspect is younger, doesn’t have heavy equipment, and hasn’t been to the doughnut shop as much…”
Jill: “There’s a middle ground! You don’t haveta shoot him! You can taser him, or beat him with a baton!”
7. Should Jill bring a catheter?
Jill: Are there any bathroom breaks during our six hour deliberations? I want to know whether I should pack a catheter …
Professor T: “So you’re eating at Café X and you crunch into a crouton, which you find out is a roach. What do you do?”
Jill: “Sign up for Fear Factor!”
Professor T: “What’s that? I’m so disadvantaged for not watching TV…”
Jill: “Oh, it’s a show where they pay people to eat bugs.”
Professor T: “And can you get paid by Café X?”
Jill: “Sure.”
Professor T: “And why are they going to pay you?”
Jill: “Because they are scared of getting sued.”
Professor T: “And what if you just saw the roach in your salad and didn’t bite into it?”
Jill: “Well, then I bite into it and then sue.”
Professor R: “I want to schedule a makeup class for April 28 at noon. Does anyone have any conflicts with this?”
Jack: “I do! I do! There is some lunch thing with potential employers on that day.”
Jill (loudly): “Don’t worry. You’re not going to get hired anyway!”
4. Sugamomma.
Professor T: “Jill, does your husband have any interest in you?”
Jill: “Besides my sugamomma status?”
Professor T: “Yes a consortium…damages.”
Jill: “But I’m irreplaceable!”
Professor T: “We all are. Well, most of us. Not all of our dogs love us…”
3. Ms. D dropped out… (a long time ago)
Professor L: “Ms. Dennel? Demmel?”
Jill: “Her name was De-mal. Sarah Demal.”
Professor L: “Yes, so Ms. Dememel? Dennel? Oh forget it! I’ll just call you Ms. D!”
(Class laughs)
Professor L: “So Ms. D…”
Jill: “Actually, I’m Jill. Jill Smith.”
Professor L: “Huh? Where’s Ms. Demmel? Is Ms. Demmel, Dannel, Dennel not here today?”
Jill: “Sarah Demal sat in front of me. She actually dropped out the first week of class…”
Professor L: “OH! That explains things! I just had a note here that she wasn’t here the last time I called on her… hm.”
Jill: “…So do you want me to answer?”
Professor L: “No. I didn’t even want to call on you! Forget it!”
(Class laughs)
Professor L: “This is literally sound and fury signifying nothing…THERE! I got a Shakespeare quote in! ”
(later)
Professor L: “Okay, let me turn to…Ms. Chang…oh, she’s not here. She didn’t drop out too right?”
Jack: “Are you looking at my rolly backpack?”
Jill: “Yes. And judging accordingly.”
Jack: “What? I got it for my birthday and I’m so excited about it.”
Jill: “That’s nice.”
Jack: “…I just got sick of carrying so much shit around. I had so many bags and I looked like a homeless person.”
Jill: “You can buy cute bags though. Note my big purse and briefcase. Or, you can try using your locker for books you don’t need.”
Jack: “And I just want my rolly backpack to be socially acceptable!”
Jill: “It never will be.”
Jill’s computer starts speaking during Professor L’s class: “CONGRATULATIONS! YOU’VE WON!” The entire class laughs.
Professor L: “I won’t even try to exercise discipline, because the embarrassment is enough. HOW EMBARRASSING!”
Jill: “Sorry…I had to buy these tickets…and…”
Professor L: “And apparently you’ve won something! I’m sure you’re not the only one who has done such a thing in class, you’re just the only one who has done it with the volume on!”
Professor P is charitable. Other professors would have screamed “PAY ATTENTION FOOL!”
Professor P: “If you missed class on any of those days where I passed out a handout, don’t worry. I always collect the extras and give them to my secretary. You may pick up extra handouts with her.”
(Professor P answers a question from another student, then Jill raises her hand.)
Jill: “Do you have an extra handout for future interests?”
The entire class starts laughing. Jack, who sits next to Jill, is laughing so hard that he has to turn away.
Professor P (to Jill): “Uh…extra handouts are with my secretary.”
(Professor P looks at Jack, who is still laughing.)
Professor P (to Jack): “Oh believe me, I know what you’re thinking.”
Professor M tells us what ideal alumni are:
Jack: “…and the CEO donated $50,000 to Stanford in return for a professor giving a talk.”
Professor M: “Exactly! $50,000 is a pretty sweet deal for a talk. These are the alumni law schools like to have. So pay attention to this case!”
Today’s case1 involves a special litigation committee in an insider trading suit against Oracle Corporation. Oracle hired two Stanford professors to investigate Oracle executives for insider trading. The executives were Stanford alumni and huge donors to the University, and one of the professors even mentored the executive he was investigating… hm.
1In re Oracle Corp. Derivative Litig., 824 A.2d 917 (Del. Ch. 2003)
Today, before the start of Crimlaw:
Jack: “Are you looking at my rolly backpack?”
Jill: “Yes. And judging accordingly.”
Jack: “What? I got it for my birthday and I’m so excited about it.”
Jill: “That’s nice.”
Jack: “…I just got sick of carrying so much shit around. I had so many bags and I looked like a homeless person.”
Jill: “You can buy cute bags though. Note my big purse and briefcase. Or, you can try using your locker for books you don’t need.”
Jack: “And I just want my rolly backpack to be socially acceptable!”
Jill: “It never will be.”
We had another “what are the odds” moment in Corporations:
Professor M“Jimmy Smith?”
(Silence…crickets…)
Professor M“No? Not here?” Um…okay. How about Sara Johnson?”
Jill“She’s not here.”
Professor M“Wow. Well, uh. That’s odd. I mean, most of you are here… what about, Jack Thompson?”
Jack“Here.”
Professor M“Haha. Good! Well, I guess it’s bad luck for you….”
Today in Corporations we covered the Conrad Black scandal.1 Black was a media baron until his fraud conviction for bad behavior1 as head of Hollinger International Inc. The wikipedia entry on Black is here, and a news archive is here.
During the conversation, Professor M took a pot-shot at Chicago:
Professor M: “The outside directors on this board were pretty illustrious, you have Henry Kissinger, former diplomats, and one of the board members was a former governor of Illinois…”
(Class chuckles)
Professor M: “You’re right! Illinois…that’s always a bad sign! Res Ipsa Loquitur!”
Some misdeeds after the jump.
Jack might have a problem.
Jack: “I was so hopped up on Rockstar Energy drinks in Property class that I wanted to scream out ‘WEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!’ but I decided not to because people might think I’m weird.”
Jill: “Might?”
Of course Jack’s fridge is now stocked with Rockstar drinks. If he actually does burst out in class we’ll stage an intervention…
On a totally random note: apparently there is a super-awkward gallery of “Rockstar Models”. For example, look at picture 30 in that gallery. The big-honking energy drink cans weigh more than the models! Oh, and the facial expresion in picture 55….buahaha! She needs to put the energy drink down and back away…
Our midterm assignment for Corporations was to draft the argument section of a SEC “no-action” letter.
The assignment was due at noon today. Class is from 10:45am-12:15pm. So, of course, 1/3 of the class skipped.
Professor M: “That shows me not to make an assignment due in the middle of class! I totally could have seen this coming…”
Jill made to to class today:
Professor M: “Why did these regulations come about?”
(Jill had her hand raised.)
Professor M: “Yes? Jill?”
Jill:“Wait, nevermind. I’m pretty sure I’m wrong.”
Professor M: “No, go ahead.”
Jill:“Well, weren’t there a lot of hostile takeovers during that period?”
Professor M: “You are exactly on the button! That’s exactly right! And why did hostile takeovers matter?”
Jill: “Huh? What? I’m sorry I was celebrating.”
The social inappropriateness in my Crimlaw class reached an entirely new level of awful yesterday.
Jill appeared very distraught in yesterday’s class. She kept switching between laughing and looks of utter disgust. At times, Jill shook so hard with laughter that she rattled her desk.
I facebook messaged her:
Me: What’s wrong?
Jill: The guy sitting next to me! The angry, serial-killer-looking one from the other section…
Me: You mean Billy Bohaha? What about him?
Jill: LOOK AT HIS HAND!
I look over and realize that only one of Billy’s hands is on the desk.
Me: Uh, What is going on?
Jill: Billy has been scratching his balls for the past 20 minutes!
Me: What–what? Who does that? OH MY GOD…it’s like he’s mining!
Jill: I can’t even look at the overheads because every time I turn that way I burst out laughing! This is NOT happening!
But it is happening, Jill. But it is…
Billy scratched his crotch for the rest of Crimlaw, to the great amusement of the class.1 I think we should start an itch-cream fund.2
1 The professor was probably wondering why so many of us were snickering.
2 This is a prime example of how some students have no conception of appropriate classroom behavior. There is an unusually dense concentration of these people in my Crimlaw class. They are shunned accordingly.
We discussed the Erie1 case in Civil Procedure this morning.
In Erie, the plaintiff was walking2 on a path near railroad tracks. A train passed and the plaintiff was struck by something sticking out from the train (either a hook or a door…)
So of course, Professor V pulls up a slide of a little stick figure walking by a set of train tracks! It was amazing and the entire class laughed until Professor V mentioned that the plaintiff’s injuries were so serious that he had his arm amputated. Womp.
Professor V: “Even though he lost his arm, my stick figure has both arms because I didn’t have the heart to cut an arm off, I mean, I thought about having the stick arm sitting on the path, but, I just couldn’t do it!”
1 Erie R.R. v. Tompkins, 304 U.S. 64 (U.S. 1938)
2 Walking, at night…when torts happen.