This is why I usually have a coffee tumbler:
I’ve been a coffee-soaked law student for over a year now, so I just shake off the dark roast from my copy of the tax code and I’m ready to go.
Picture of the day
This is why I usually have a coffee tumbler:
I’ve been a coffee-soaked law student for over a year now, so I just shake off the dark roast from my copy of the tax code and I’m ready to go.
This is a problem:
Let’s ignore my dirty car windshield for a second and focus:
Twenty seconds before I took this picture, this man was almost creamed by a school bus. He was drunk and whizzing around the wrong side of the street when the bus came around the corner. It was a motorized hot mess.
What is equally disturbing is that this is not the first man I have seen recklessly driving a motorized wheelchair on the streets. Maybe this phenomenon is due to the group homes in Uptown? Misleading promises of grand canyon trips? Carrie Prejean? I don’t know…
Two bigger traffic hazards in Minneapolis are the tailgating semi-trucks and the bikers. There is a well developed cycling culture in the city, but some cyclists think that things like hand signals and stop-lights are optional, and chaos ensues…then again a lot of the cab drivers think that stop-lights are optional too…
I have been reading for corporate tax at the Spyhouse for several hours now. My table is cluttered:
It takes some serious bum-glue to finish the corporate tax reading.
There is a lot of information and I have to take breaks before my eyes glaze over and I start seizing. It’s like pausing before pouring more water down a drain lest it overflows.
I am here for another hour, and then I will skip down to Eagan to make an appearance at the office. I need to finish the reading for corporate tax today, so I will probably insert some study periods into my work day.
My tax professor uses an “expert” system, which is essentially a preset schedule of who will be called on. There are 2-3 “experts” assigned for each day, but the list is not updated to accommodate people who drop the course, so there is always the chance that I will be the only one on call for the entire class.
I can see it now:
Professor A: “Mr. Jansen! Does this redemption of stock qualify as a termination of interest under §302(b)(3)?”
Me: “Um, well, I personally believe that U.S. Americans and …uh, suchas… maps?”
I guess the worse-case scenario is that I sound ditzy and clueless in class, which is not unusual or as embarrassing as my seat collapsing… but then again, that could happen too…
It’s 10 a.m. and I am clutching a bottle of vodka to my brow.
I tripped on a dog leash while returning from the morning dog walk and slammed straight into a door knob ala Final Destination.
I heard a crunch and felt like I just got decked by Brooke Hogan.
This was surely going to give me a juicy knot, and the frozen vodka bottle served as my ice-pack.
The juicy knot never formed on my forehead, but the tender feeling and light-headedness was the final touch to my 2L makeover:
Eric isn’t choking her, really.
Since getting Gertrude, I don’t let Harley sleep on my bed anymore because 2 dogs on the bed makes me feel like I’m sleeping in a homeless shelter. I always wake up to a paw or an ass in my face. They sore, they fart, and that’s just not working for me.
So I cracked down and kicked them both out and they now know to sleep in their doggy beds.
So of course when I’m not looking:
When I told him to get off the bed, he sassed me like, “Psshaw. Please. Who are you to interrupt my slumber?”
Yesterday Joel and I went shopping for toilet seat covers.
Watching Joel ponder the choices was hilarious: white or off-white? Round or oval? Plastic or ceramic? The differences in the potty-seat covers were negligible, but Joel and the Home Depot attendant acted as if Joel was picking something to wear on the red carpet.
I did the same thing last year with Jamie, except for last year we shopped for toilets and this year I’m shopping for toilet seat covers. At this rate my next trip to home depot will be for a plunger or maybe even a toilet brush!! These are wild times people…
Joel and I ran several other errands including a trip past Punch Pizza. Joel had a $6-off coupon, but so did the 100 lined up on the sidewalk in front of the restaurant.
I kept driving because I refuse to wait outside in line for anything in freezing temperatures unless it involves getting my car out of an impound lot or free Beyonce tickets. And unless Beyonce was breaking it down in the Pizzeria, I didn’t miss much. Next time Punch!
Minneapolis is one huge ice rink.
This morning I fell while walking the dogs down the hill. I fell on my hip and then crashed into the dogs like a human bowling ball. Yelping and shouting ensued. I then sat on the ground laughing like an idiot while the dogs looked at me like, “Why in the hell did you do that!?”
The skyway at school was soaked from people’s boots. I almost had a repeat of this morning’s fall and slipped 4 times in 40 seconds. I expect a tuition credit when I break my ankle.
Our epic night started with an epic movie – Avatar.
I was weary of that movie. I am not a big science fiction fan, and the poster of the blue people looked ridiculous. However, this is the most talked-about movie since Paranormal Activity, so I gave into the buzz. Eric was the best person to go with because it was his 4th time seeing the movie!
We went to the swank ShowPlace ICON theater in St. Louis Park. The theater has a free parking ramp, a lounge and bar, and HD menus at the concession stand.
I thought it was odd that the theater had numbered rows and seats like an airplane. This is a great idea for busier nights, but the theater had about 20 people in it and all of us sat awkwardly close together.
Eric and I were in an empty row when this odd man plops in the seat right next to me. Of course it is his assigned seat. A few minutes later, Oddball inserts himself into our conversation and starts telling us his childhood stories. Oddball is about to launch into another story when three of my classmates enter the theater, greet me, and inform us “bitch, you’re in our seats!”
Turns out we didn’t know how to read the row numbers.
So we happily move away from Oddball and nestled in the better, actually-assigned seating for nearly 3 hours of intense cinematography. The movie had stunning special effects, but my attention eroded during the last 20 minutes because the movie was so damn long…
Afterwards we met up with Sabrina at the 19 Bar, where we danced to Beyonce and got into a heated conversation with a boyish lesbian DJ about house music.
Then we went to the Saloon. It was hip-hop night and we had a hilarious time, but there was also at least one black eye and several people yarking all over the place – no one in our party of course, because we keep it classy…
There was also a trip to the Uptown Diner and Eric finally got to meet Gertrude, who has taken a liking to him:
I wonder if I can get shots of all of my friends with the dogs…
Today was a little miserable. My nose started running at the Saloon last night and I assumed that it was another allergic reaction to Eric’s cats. This afternoon the nasal congestion turned into full blown sneezing sickness, so I am going to take my diseased self to bed. After the dog walk of course…
This picture is a small miracle:
Getting these two to stay still and face the camera is nearly impossible because Gertrude always jumps off the couch when I get up to take a picture.
Last night they both slept on my bed, which was a …cozy situation. I have two doggy beds, so the bedtime pile-up will be short lived.
I also need to move my desk. The desk is in a corner right now and it’s completely awkward when these two needy lugs wrap around my chair, vying for attention.
The desk change and the bed-time rules must wait until tomorrow because I am too exhausted to enforce anything tonight. I may round up the party and go to bed soon.
Jake finally posted the picture from last Tuesday night’s Trivia Night at Innuendo. Behold:
We won that week, but didn’t do as well this week. We didn’t place last, but it was still a hard fall from grace…
We debated what to do about the competition and you can expect a flurry of “accidents” over the weekend.
I came across this car during a dog walk:
This isn’t the only hand-painted car in the neighborhood, but the others are rougher floral jobs – whereas this looks like a tattoo. I wonder if this is an art car?
Why yes, it has gotten cold. Why do you ask?
It’s 19° with a “feels like” temp of 4°.
“What? This isn’t a pillow for me?”
Every time I see the towers of downtown’s Westminster Presbyterian Church, I imagine a giant toddler meandering down the street and hole punching those shapes into the top of the towers.
Here are some pictures. The thumbnails are linked to larger images.
See also:
“One more picture with flash and I’m shitting on the carpet.”
There are “Vote Meg Tuthill” plastered all over the neighborhood. She’s running for city council and apparently the owner of Tuthill’s Balloon Emporium:
I thought the Balloon Emporium was abandoned when I first saw it, but it is still in business and I think it is like a Party City store.
I told Joel how appalled I was that two people on Saturday had never heard of Party City.
He nodded understandingly and then told me that he had never heard of it either. Why do so many Minnesotans not know about the “nation’s largest party retailer” according to Wikipedia? Does everyone just go to Target?
After we figure out this answer we’ll get to why I am suddenly on a Party City awareness campaign.
I expect my check in the mail. Thank you.
It’s rusty, it’s crusty, and it’s poorly aged, but I love the Grain Belt Beer sign by the Hennepin Avenue Bridge.
Below are some thumbnails. Click the images to see larger versions.
More Minneapolis photography on No.634:
After finishing the tax midterm I turned around and began fixing my brief for moot court.
I have been parked in my living room going on 10 hours, and Harley is not quite sure why I am home so much. He keeps shooting me glares like, “Bitch, where’s my biscuit?”
The ridiculousness ends tomorrow (until finals that is), thank goodness.
Here are some pictures I took of Saint Anthony Falls, which was (according to Wikipedia) the only major natural waterfall on the Mississippi.
Click the thumbnails to view larger versions.
More photography on No.634: