Coffee’s safer

I’m standing in front of the soda fountain at Super America when this large woman with a poorly dyed bun walks past me. She goes to the fountain, pulls out a 44oz cup, and then presses the root beer button.

The fountain makes a hissing noise and then starts spraying root beer like a lawn-sprinkler. The woman screams, drops her cup, and stumbles back from the machine.

One of the cashiers, a younger girl, runs to the machine and tries to stop the root beer sprinkler with her hands.
Cashier: “Ah! What the hell!”
The larger woman is in hysterics. I reach for a 44oz cup to help catch the soda-spray.

The cashier then reaches into the nozzle of the root beer, lets out a loud grunt, and yanks the nozzle.

The soda stops spraying. The cashier takes  a glob of napkins to wipe her hands.
Cashier: “Whew. That was odd. Maybe someone pushed it in or something…”
I put the 44oz. cup down and say,
Me: “Heh. Maybe. I think I’m going to go for some coffee.”
Cashier: “Oh, no, it’s fixed! Have some pop if you want to! It’s just the one…the other drinks should be fine!”
Me: “It’s not that I don’t believe you, it’s just that coffee seems like the less chaotic option.”
Just then a little boy walks up to the machine, presses the Coke button, and totally gets shot in the face with everyone’s favorite beverage. The boy sputters and the cashier launches to the rescue. I fill up my coffee cup and leave.