Crash in shame?

“Responsible dog ownership” has a different meaning in the winter.

It is unrealistic to expect the tenants in my building to suit up to walk their dogs in the middle of the night. What happens is that people let their dogs out in the back lot and watch from the door. Sure there’s the whole “unleashed dog” and “pick up after them” issue, but those are not convincing concerns at 3am with a -20 wind chill.

So every few days I take the shovel to the back lot to pluck the frozen dog-cakes from the snow.

During this morning’s cake-shovel, Vladimir, a tenant from the 4th floor, exits the back of the building. I immediately hear Vlady’s wife screaming from their window:

Mrs. Vlady: “CRASH! CRASH! CRASH! CRASH IN SHAAAME!”

I shoot Vlady a “what the hell?” look. He keeps walking away from the building.

Mrs. Vlady: “CRASH! CRASH IN SHAAAME!”

Vlady stops, turns around, and mumbles something up at the window.

Mrs. Vlady: “OH YEAH? YOU’LL CRASH IN SHAME WHEN YOU’RE WACKING OFF WITH ONE HAND ON THE WHEEL! CRAAAASH! I HATE YOU!”

Vlady is completely embarrassed and scurries through the gap in the back lot’s fence. I turn to my dogs. Both dogs shoot me that “what the hell?” look. I shrug. It was as incomprehensible to me as it was to them.