Don’t think about it, girlfriend

I went to Wal-Mart¹ after work, so I left my backpack in the car to bring my Wal-Mart bags upstairs. I left my backpack, with my school laptop in it, was in the front passenger seat of the car.

After tossing the bags in the apartment and chucking the milk in the fridge, I got the dog for the evening walk. I left my backpack in my car because the car was going to be within eyesight during the walk.²

Harley and I were about a block away when two teenage girls passed us. The girls reeked of pot and shot me the stank eye.

I watched the girls walk down the block as Harley started pooping.

By the time he finished, the girls had stopped by my car. One pointed at my car’s passenger window, and they both walked up the car.

Just as one of the girls tried my door handle I set off the panic button my car’s remote. The alarm scared her so badly that homegirl fell flat on her ass and had to crawl through the wet grass to catch up with her friend – who was already halfway down the block.

The dog couldn’t figure out why I was laughing so hard.

¹ By the way, the customer service and cleanliness of Wal-Mart has surpassed Target and Ikea.
² The walks are super-short because of the dog’s heartworm treatment.