Memos and Mirth

2L Spring Summaries / my legal space / picture of the day

My Legal Space: Spyhouse

February 15, 2010

I have been reading for corporate tax at the Spyhouse for several hours now. My table is cluttered:

It takes some serious bum-glue to finish the corporate tax reading.

There is a lot of information and I have to take breaks before my eyes glaze over and I start seizing. It’s like pausing before pouring more water down a drain lest it overflows.

I am here for another hour, and then I will skip down to Eagan to make an appearance at the office. I need to finish the reading for corporate tax today, so I will probably insert some study periods into my work day.

My tax professor uses an “expert” system, which is essentially a preset schedule of who will be called on. There are 2-3 “experts” assigned for each day, but the list is not updated to accommodate people who drop the course, so there is always the chance that I will be the only one on call for the entire class.

I can see it now:

Professor A: “Mr. Jansen! Does this redemption of stock qualify as a termination of interest under §302(b)(3)?”
Me: “Um, well, I personally believe that U.S. Americans and …uh, suchas… maps?”

I guess the worse-case scenario is that I sound ditzy and clueless in class, which is not unusual or as embarrassing as my seat collapsing… but then again, that could happen too…

Minneapolis-St. Paul / Take Three

Traffic’s consolation prize

February 15, 2010

Highway I-94 is usually a traffic disaster, which would be more annoying if the view wasn’t so great:

When I first saw the Basilica, I was horrified that such a beautiful church was so close to a highway.

That changed when I got to enjoy the view from standstill traffic.

2L Spring / 2L Spring Summaries / Life / Minneapolis-St. Paul

Took the Night

February 14, 2010

It is 1 a.m. and we are at St. Paul’s Camp Bar. Eric and Curt are off another room, but I am on the dance floor because Beyonce’s “Video Phone” is playing. An over-cologned Ethiopian-Somali¹ guy watches me from the bar.

A remix of “Took the Night” comes on. The Somali and I exchange a look, he puts down his drink, and a full-scale vogue battle ensues.

I usually do not vogue at random bars, especially in St. Paul, but I just wasted a hour listening to a crappy cover band butcher top-40 hits. The band is on break, the video-Jockey is playing vogue music, and therefore boomkats are in order. The Somali agrees.

We give hands, dips, and duck walk as guys at the bar gawk on like “what kind of fuckery is this?” The battle lasts for the entire song. We then clear the dance floor and the cover band comes back on:

Surprisingly, our random vogue-off was not the hottest mess in St. Paul that night: earlier, at the Movie Bears Beer Bust, there was a 400-pound woman wearing black underwear, fish net stockings, and 3-sizes-too-small spiked heels.

Eric was so amused and wanted to pose near her, but I could not get a good shot of our Pussycat Doll because her friend blocked the view:

Normally, I would just ask the Pussycat Doll if she would pose with Eric, but she was ranting about how she didn’t understand why people were making fun of her, so I decided not to add any fuel to the drama-fire.

Last night’s beer bust was my first Movie Bears event. The club usually watches movies on Tuesdays, which is Trivia night, but they also watch horror movies on Fridays. It seems like a fun group, but I haven’t decided if I want to tack one more event onto my social calendar. Do I have time for this?

¹ This is actually accurate. I asked.

Minneapolis-St. Paul

Musical Chairs at Spyhouse

February 14, 2010

Today’s stop at the Uptown Spyhouse Coffee Shop was a bit of a mess.

I wanted to blog before heading to work, but finding seating was harder than usual. I eventually snagged a seat at the counter among the Mac users and ordered coffee before realizing that there were no plugs in the area.

There were not even any plugs within “obnoxiously stretching it/creating a tripping hazard” distance. I wanted to edit pictures for the blog, but my crappy-overpriced law school-issued laptop doesn’t display on full brightness unless it’s plugged in. So I was screwed.

The upside was that I was sitting by some pretty cute guys and a fun Trubble statue:

I walked to the front of the café, saw an open seat with a plug, and then scurried to grab my stuff.

The new seat was taken by the time I got my stuff, so I stood awkwardly in the middle of the café with my bag and half-full mug. Then someone took my counter seat. I felt like the loser in a game of musical chairs.

I chugged my coffee and then relocated to the Lake Street Dunn bros.

This is one of my least favorite cafes because the baristas are uncomfortably awkward. Tall gawky barista is sometimes visibly high….but there are always seats and plugs, which facilitate blograting, (new word) so no complaints here.

art / Minneapolis-St. Paul / Take Three

Potty Art for Blackberry

February 13, 2010

My favorite part about studying at Caffetto is the bathroom art:

The middle picture is the wallpaper for my blackberry. And no, I do not feel strange having a picture of a public restroom as the wallpaper of my blackberry!

Someone took the time to stand in a smelly bathroom to create fun street art, and I will enjoy it, digitally, without the smell. This is my position.

Minneapolis-St. Paul

I spy at the Spyhouse

February 12, 2010

I love sitting at the counter of the Nicollet Avenue Spyhouse Coffee Shop. It feels like sitting at a diner, without the sassy waitresses and smell of grease. Here is the view:

And who did I spy at the Spyhouse? Neighbor Nathan:

Nathan was on his way to pickup his brand-new Mac Laptop. I didn’t make too many indie-techie jokes. Really.

Law School – 2L / legal humor / picture of the day

The law school makeover

February 11, 2010

It’s 10 a.m. and I am clutching a bottle of vodka to my brow.

I tripped on a dog leash while returning from the morning dog walk and slammed straight into a door knob ala Final Destination.

I heard a crunch and felt like I just got decked by Brooke Hogan.

This was surely going to give me a juicy knot, and the frozen vodka bottle served as my ice-pack.

The juicy knot never formed on my forehead, but the tender feeling and light-headedness was the final touch to my 2L makeover:

dogs / picture of the day

No choking

February 11, 2010

Eric isn’t choking her, really.

humor / Minneapolis-St. Paul

Heightened Expectations

February 11, 2010

Someone left a note on my car a few days ago:

Now I expect a note every time I go to my car!

And yes, I was blocking the curb cut, but the curb cut was not shoveled, so I could not see it when I parked.

I don’t know why anyone would care about an unshoveled curb cut, but I am just glad all the snow on the car was white.

Minneapolis-St. Paul / Take Three

Plow threat

February 10, 2010

It snowed a bit yesterday.

Both Minneapolis and St. Paul declared snow emergencies. During a snow emergency, certain streets become no-parking zones so the streets can be plowed.

Parking on the wrong street during a snow emergency means a few hours at an impound lot and a hefty fine.
The City of Minneapolis has a parking grid available online. St. Paul doesn’t. This was a problem because Trivia night is in downtown St. Paul, and I did not know if my car was safe because I could not find any “we plow here” signs.
I was scared of getting towed, so I left the bar to move my car to a garage.

The construction in downtown St. Paul and the random one-way streets caused me to spend at least 15 minutes driving in a huge, awkward circle. I ended up on the wrong side of the street several times. The cops got suspicious. It was a disaster.

I eventually found a parking garage near the bar. The garage was underground and looked like a basement from the SAW horror movies. The lighting was dim and the columns were unpainted. Rats somersaulted on the partially flooded floor.
I walked to the pay booth and saw a sign that read “Garage closes at 10pm. Plan accordingly.”
A random middle-aged woman enters the garage and I ask her how one gets into the building after 10pm.

Random woman: “After 10pm? I dunno. Just park in the covered alley.”
Me: “The covered alley?”
Random woman: “Yes. There’s a covered alley right on the side of the building that has parking spaces. It’s always empty. Here, let me show you. Follow me.”

So I let the random woman take me to the abandoned covered alley, and then park.
The “covered alley” is more of a tunnel. It is the kind of tunnel where a jogger finds a burned body on Law & Order. I leave my car with the understanding that I will be killed and eaten upon my return. Thank god Christopher Meloni will find my body and launch an epic investigation sponsored by Johnson & Johnson, a family company.

Trivia night was a sprawling conversation. Jake, Bill, and I exchanged stories until almost 2 a.m.

I then snuck back into the tunnel, fetched my car, and zipped back to Minneapolis, the city of clear parking restrictions.

Life / TV

TV avoidance

February 10, 2010

Do you think Eric watches Glee?

I have not owned a TV since starting law school. The problem is that I turn on the TV and 12-hours later I’m all, “DID I JUST WATCH AN ENTIRE CYCLE OF NEXT TOP MODEL?”

dogs

Unwanted showers

February 9, 2010

So, I have a male dog. He marks. He even marks over my female dog’s business. Utterly unsurprising.

What is surprising is that he does not wait for her to finish before he starts marking!

…and much screaming and unnecessary winter-time dog bathing ensues. Ugh!

2L Spring / Law School / on the record

Family law, aka: The Circus

February 8, 2010

The class has slowly deteriorated…

Jill is harsh.

Professor W: “Those you in the class with kids! What if your kid was 15 and wanted to marry a 48-year-old guitar teacher. What would you do?”
Jill: “All girls boarding school!”
Professor W: “Where they beat them?”
Jill: “Sure!”
Professor W: “Or where they handcuff them to the bed at night?”
Jill: “Well if she wanted to marry a 48-year-old…”

Professor W doesn’t agree.

Professor W: “Should the husband be allowed after 25 years to go “oh we weren’t married at all …hahaha fuck you?’ Well? Should he, Judge Smith? Will you let him do that?”
Jack: “Yes!”
Professor W: “NO YOU WILL NOT!”

my legal space / Take Three

MLS: Hanson Hall Starbucks

February 8, 2010

The law school building contains brilliant people, but has the aesthetic appeal of a leaky basement. This is why so many of us sneak over to the business school, which has windows and a full-service Starbucks. Behold:

Usually the view is great, but today’s snowstorm makes the usual view of Downtown Minneapolis a little hard to see…

Downtown is still there, somewhere, sort of... but the snowed-out view is still preferable to the dungeon law school building.

2L Spring / 2L Spring Summaries

BWE 3: Mastering the Hill, Blackberry

February 7, 2010

Note: Best Week Ever (BWE) is a summary of the prior week.

So how does a three-day school week feel? This sums it up:

I had two oral arguments on Monday. My moot court section has an odd number of students, so I volunteered to argue off-brief.
It was slightly awkward waltzing in and arguing for the other side: “May it please the Court, forget everything I said one hour ago! These guys are so totally not guilty, and US Americans…”

It wasn’t so terrible, and I survived.

I spent the bulk of Tuesday’s school day in the Sprint Store. The Rottweiler ate my phone, and a quick lunch-time phone replacement turned into an epic customer service fail.

I made a point of not being snide or pissy with the Sprint customer service reps. It is embarrassing and stressful enough for a worker to look incompetent in front of a customer. Exasperating someone’s discomfort is not going to make them provide better service.

My politeness also allowed me to adopt a sense of moral superiority while watching the parade of rude customers that came into the store.

The worst guy was a very short man with a baseball cap who walked in with his arms folded:

Chipper customer service rep: “Welcome to Sprint! How may we help you today?”
Napoleon: (dramatic pause) “I have been a customer for over 15 years! I demand service! ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?”

I felt like I was on the set of a CBS sitcom, and it was hilarious.

We eventually got my blackberry working, and I spent the rest of the week playing foursquare and connecting with more Minnesotans.

Foursquare is this stalkerish, twitter-like application that uses your GPS to pinpoint your location and broadcasts the location to your facebook and twitter streams.

You can leave to-do tips for other users, and even see who else is at your location. This is awesome because when I “check in” at work I am instantly connected to new coworkers.¹

My workweek started on Wednesday. I’m not sure if this was a good idea.
I had the same problem last week: I went to work on Wednesday after an exhausting school day and I got behind on cases.
I did not want my quota to suffer, so I spent the rest of the week playing catch up and worked for free on Sunday.

Several of my coworkers had the same problem. You get behind, feel guilty for being behind… stress builds, productivity decreases, you wake up the next day with more to do than the day before…

I refused to get on the hamster wheel this week. I have always met my employer’s productivity quota and I’m not going to walk around like Raggedy Ann because I failed to live up to my artificially heightened expectations for one day. Cue Portia Nelson.

Friday was epic, Saturday was calm, and today is my day of work and homework. It is like prepping before cooking the feast. The more work I get done today, the easier my mini-school week will be. We’ll see how this goes….

¹ My connectedness level has increased with the blackberry. I have never been so up to date on my email. I think the best part of the PDA experience has been meeting more Minnesotans. I hate to use the term “networking” but that’s essentially what’s going on.

Boomkat List

The boomkat list: 1/24 – 2/6

February 7, 2010

These are the songs that made me shimmy and shake these past two weeks:

“Take it In” – Hot chip
“Imma Be” – Black Eyed Peas
“Something is not right with me” – Cold War Kids
“Video Phone” – Beyonce ft. Lady Gaga
“Why don’t you love me?” – Beyonce
“Squeeze me” – Kraak & Smaak ft. Ben Westbeech
“Telephone” – Lady Gaga ft. Beyonce
“Let The Bass Kick in Miami Bitch” – Chuckie & LMFAO
“Catch the sun” – Doves
“Warp”— The Bloody Beetroots ft. Steve Aoki

The Black Eyed Peas are usually too cheesy and contrived for my tastes, but I love the beat for “Imma be” and the song is on full blast every time it comes on my car’s radio.

Hot Chip reigns outside of the car. I first heard “take it in” on The Current and it’s been on repeat ever since.

Video Phone is still near the top of the list, but I am still shocked that it doesn’t get any radio play in Minneapolis. Maybe the Lady Gaga version is too long for radio play?

Life / Minneapolis-St. Paul

Zooey, Happy Hour & Zombies

February 6, 2010

It is 5pm. I don’t want to go out, but I have to.

I already RSVPed for the Outlaw happy hour and told people I would be there, so my presence is mandatory in that “don’t be flighty” sort of way.

I shower and have a sing-a-long with the dogs.

After I perform Hot Chip’s “take it in” and Beyonce’s “kitty kat” to a confused set of dogs, I feel ready.

I walk to my car and see a cloud of crows hovering over my Nissan ala B-horror movie. All that was missing was ominous music and a husky voice over: “This March, terror hits Minneapolis! Chainsaw Zombies II: The Reaping.”

This is the best picture I could manage to take with the blackberry before my fear of crow-crap and Chainsaw Zombies set in:

I arrive at the The Eagle without getting bludgeoned and make the rounds while avoiding the awkward eye-darting of law professors. I then join the mass of law and grad students in the video room and watch the… entertainment.

After a few hours of amusement and hot-messitude, Jeremy and I leave The Eagle on a mission to find contact-friendly eye drops. We eventually find the eye drops at a Target after rebuffing beggars at the downtown St. Paul SuperAmerica.

By the time we find the eye-drops we no longer want to slum it at St. Paul bars, so we zip back to Minneapolis and sit down at Palomino, swank skyway restaurant in downtown Minneapolis.

Our waitress at Palomino is a Zooey Deschanel lookalike but I resist the temptation to request a song with my margarita.

At a nearby table, a woman with a cute bob-cut tells Zooey about her fiancé. We are disappointed when the hair plugs/blazer-with-sneakers fiancé arrives.

Jeremy and I swap stories about the Saloon and watch the drug dealers on Hennepin from our-second story seats. There is rapid-fire talking, short pauses, wine, and greasy pizza.

We spend a few hours at the Saloon, accidentally dose the video bar in Jag, and then trek home without further incident or hint of chainsaw terror.

dogs / Take Three

The pileup

February 6, 2010

Getting the dogs to stay still with Nathan was a pain, but here was the best we could do:

The “couch with dogs” photograph is now mandatory for all of my guests. You’re on notice.

See also:

Minneapolis-St. Paul

Another robbery near the towers

February 5, 2010

Since the University is obligated by law¹ to send an email about every robbery that happens near² the towers, another crime alert graced our inboxes today:

On Friday, February 5 at approximately 12:30 a.m., a 19-year-old male who is not affiliated with the University of Minnesota was the victim of a robbery. The robbery occurred off-campus, but very close to the University’s West Bank campus.
The victim was near the intersection of Cedar Avenue South and Third Street South when five males exited a dark colored SUV and approached him. One of the suspects implied he had a gun, and the suspects threatened the victim and demanded valuables. After the victim handed over his wallet and cell phone, the suspects got back into the SUV and fled southbound on Cedar Avenue. The victim was not injured and was able to confirm that the SUV had a Minnesota license plate; however, he was not able to obtain the plate’s characters.
The five suspects are all described as black males between the ages of 18 and 21 who reportedly spoke with Somali accents. It should be noted that the suspect descriptions do not match the descriptions of the suspects involved in the robberies and shooting on and near campus on January 25.

As alluded to in the crime alert, other campus amusements include botched crime sprees with random shootings, biking gropers, shooting threats, riots, and of course, ominous young black men in dark clothes!

¹ “This Crime Alert is sent in compliance with the federal Clery Act which requires universities to alert the campus community of crimes that may pose an ongoing threat to students and employees. For updates on any developments in this case, please visit the Crime Alerts page on the UMPD website.”
² To be fair, this is even closer to the law school than it is to Riverside Plaza.

Life

Getting a Blackberry

February 4, 2010

The Sprint customer service rep chuckles and says, “If you were here any longer, we would give you a shirt and an IRA.”
I smile, but I am tired, irritated, and ready to defect to Verizon.

I spent about three hours in the Sprint store on the day Gertrude ate my phone. The plan was to pop up to the Roseville Sprint store during my lunch break, buy the phone, and drive back to school for Family Law.

I had insurance, so a replacement phone would only cost $50. How long could it take?
I make it to the store and a hunky Sprint customer service rep tells me that the $50 replacement plan includes an upgrade to a Blackberry.

I have never owned a phone with internet access before, so this is exciting! I can finally play foursquare! It’s a whole new world, and not in that scary-Alice-in-Wonderland, “What the hell is that cat?” sort of way.

Hunky leads me to the Blackberries and I feel like doing an Ashlee jig.

Two hours later, the Blackberry is not exciting anymore. I am STILL in the Sprint store and the hunky Sprint rep is no longer hunky. He is now short, balding, incompetent, and officially renamed “Hank.”

It takes Hank 20 minutes to realize that the first Blackberry he showed me (the $50 one) doesn’t work with my phone plan. Fail. Hank then convinces me to buy a generic-PDA, also $50, but subsequently realizes (oh, just kidding!) the generic-PDA is not in stock. Epic fail.

Finally, Hank suggests the Blackberry Tour, which is older than the first Blackberry he showed me, and $100 more expensive. I am tired, late for Family law, and just want to leave so I agree to the older, more expensive phone.

I then watch Hank spend a half hour trying to set up the Blackberry.

Hank gets frustrated and has to call a tech support line… then something still isn’t right so he calls them again… then the internet on the phone doesn’t work…and, and, and. The customer service at the Sprint store makes health care reform look like a scene from Crank.
Once we hit the two hour mark, Hank sends me off with the Blackberry. The internet doesn’t work yet, but he says it should magically pop-on at any moment. If not, then call him.
So after my Family Law class I call Hank because (surprise!) the internet does not work. Hank tells me how to refresh the phone’s settings, which doesn’t work, so I drive back to Roseville (which isn’t terribly close to school) and waste another hour watching yet another customer service rep fiddle with my overpriced-yet-not-working phone.

The new rep gets frustrated. He calls the Sprint tech support line. He fiddles with phone. Reboots it. Looks into the distance… and then finally gives up, reformats the phone, and it worked!

New Rep: “Sorry it took so long!”
Hank: “Yeah, you spent like all day here!”
Me: “Erm…I guess the bright side is that I missed rush hour…”

Right.

But I finally have a functioning Crackberry. Behold:

I barely know how to use it, but I like it. This is the start of something dangerous wonderful.