“Corporate speak” was one of the most jarring things about transitioning from law school to work life.
The bigger someone’s title was, the harder they were to understand. I found myself leaving large meetings wondering what, if anything, had been said.
Who talks like that?
I thought that corporate jargon was the verbal equivalent of bad writing – a pretentious and unnecessarily convoluted way of speaking.
I prided myself on speaking plainly and avoiding the vague language that was so rampant throughout my company. However, I’ve come to realize that there are a various types of corporate jargon that serve specific purposes.
The Types of Corporate Jargon
Acronyms
In a company with tons of teams, products, and services, it is often easier to refer to things by nicknames or initials. This is a highly efficient way of communicating (assuming everyone knows what you are talking about.)
Filler
E.g. pretentious crap. This is classic corporate jargon designed make someone sound more professional or “managerial.” Corporate filler is catchy and easy to inadvertently start using – but we’ll circle back to that later.
Culture Words
These are terms that meant to signal that you are “on board” with the latest consultant-imposed “corporate culture initiative.” The ironic thing about these management fads is that they often achieve very little beyond introducing new vocabulary that people feel forced to use.
“Culture words” are designed to show others (particularly management) that you are attempting to be a “team player” by using the terms learned in corporate culture training.
Spinners
These are words designed to spin a (typically bad) situation. The classic example is the use of the terms “opportunity” and “learnings” to describe a failure.
These are usually perceived as obvious attempts at minimizing problems and make the speaker appear dishonest. For example, instead of using the term “opportunity,” it is far better to say, “We messed up here, but we are figuring out ways to do this better.”
Muddlers
These are terms or phrases designed to intentionally obscure your point. Muddlers can also be outright lies – For example, claiming that a request is “under consideration” when the request is not assigned to anyone, and not likely to be assigned to someone.
The goal of a muddler is to introduce plausible deniability into an interaction and avoid backlash for directly delivering bad news.
Straight talk is overrated.
After being hauled into the offices of various bosses over the years, I’ve come to realize that using various forms of corporate jargon makes life far easier.
Acronyms and filler are perceived as being more professional. “Culture words” signal that I am a buying into the corporate culture program of the moment. Spinners make me appear to be a positive person, and muddlers are invaluable when dealing with people that I don’t trust.
Besides acronyms, corporate jargon isn’t appropriate for interactions with my peers. However, jargon creates a safe layer of ambiguity and positive signifiers when speaking to people that I don’t know very well, or don’t trust – which is the entire point of this bizarre set of language.
Cascade to your teams.
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