Best summer ever: Week 7

Didn’t I just do one of these week in review posts? I did. But the last review post was late. I promised to get better about it. This is me fulfilling that promise. Hi.

This week I officially became the caretaker for my apartment building. This means I have a set of master keys and get to explore all of the super-creepy storage areas in the basement.

Most of the rooms are straight out of a horror movie – spider webs, dust, filth, former tenants’ abandoned belongings…old dolls…

I only took that picture because I didn’t want to venture into that crawl space.

This week I’m moving into a new apartment in my building. It is a sublevel apartment that has more room for the dogs. Tomorrow I sign the lease and plan on installing metal security bars on the windows so Gertrude doesn’t eat any would-be intruders…

Apartment life picked up and my dating life finally calmed. Last month my dating life resembled a Bravo TV show: eight contestants, tacky shoes, weekly eliminations, product placement…

I then had a mass elimination, two surprise front runners, and then another arms-in-the-air elimination. Most of these guys fit neatly into my five categories, or just had very weak long-term potential. The judges don’t like that.

And don’t get me wrong…these contestants are perfectly nice. The main non-substance-abuse-related reason why these guys get the boot is their sheer timidness. I hate that.

I need a guy who is easy – and not in the “here, let me share my love-bumps” sort of way. I need a guy who is self-confident enough to be comfortable around me and doesn’t shoot me that meek “nerd asking Cindy Cheerleader to prom” look.

I am sure many people think that sort of vulnerability is cute, but to me it just screams: “Wilting flower! Change water daily to avoid mold.”

And because many of these guys read this blog, I have managed to develop a fifth category of suitor: Boca Boys.

Like their fake burger namesakes, these guys look like they have the substance of the real thing but taste funny and leave me wondering, “Where’s the beef?”

The Boca Boys are the shy, self-conscious guys who read my posts about how shy, self-conscious guys need not apply and decide to fake self-confidence in order to stay in the race.

The Boca Boy will constantly ask me to hang out and then give me the same wilting flower look that I hate getting. Boca Boys make me feel like I am on a date with Skee-Lo.

And like the soy-crap pretending to be a burger, these guys come with great packaging but leave me thoroughly underwhelmed every time.

Again, Skee-Lo is cute, but he has the green light.

And this is not to say all of this past week’s dates were underwhelming. But it’s not polite to write about the good dates now is it?

Besides dealing with cob-webs and Boca Boys, I spent the majority of my week at work and working on the album. This week’s new song features everyone’s favorite Maverick, Ms. Palin.

I also think Brandon is going to rap on a track. And I’m still waiting on Amy and An Vu… sigh.