Law School – 2L Archives - Memos and Mirth

Shitshow

November 19, 2009

I was at work when I decided to check my email. It was 1:30pm, and the plan was to work until 6pm and then go home to prep for tomorrow’s oral argument.

I had about six hours of prep time scheduled for tomorrow, but I figured a few more hours tonight couldn’t hurt.¹

Thank god I decided to check my email, because I saw an email from my moot court instructor reminding me that my oral argument is TODAY AT 4PM!

Almost shat myself. My weeks are planned to the second, and this entire week’s schedule was built around the (mistaken) assumption that the argument was Friday at 4pm. I must have entered the oral argument date incorrectly three weeks ago and (mis)planned according! Everything was ripe with fail.

I shut down my computer, raced to my car, and started practicing my opening statements on the speed drive home.

I slapped on my suit and then bolted to school with an hour to spare before my argument. I didn’t bother bring my laptop to school because it doesn’t print to the school computers anymore. I would just print from the library computers. No problem right?

Wrong!

I went to the library’s fourth floor computer lab – full.
I went to the downstairs computer lab – full, of a class of LLMs or something…
I went back upstairs, and one of my awesome² 3L friends let me print from her computer.

I then went downstairs to one of the non-printing/public computers to do additional research, but the creepy unemployed man³ sitting next to me kept quizzing me on what I was looking up and extolling the virtues of LexisNexis (I was on Westlaw.)

The hobo started to lecture me on the evils of the criminal justice system so I skipped off to the-then abandoned school cafeteria to finish prepping. The cafe closes around 2pm, so there were only a few stray 1Ls, but no hobos…

20 minutes before the argument I had a weird feeling – I felt prepared!

I had EIGHT hours set aside to prep for this stupid oral argument and I felt PREPARED after a single hour! A single hour which was mostly spent running around like a headless chicken! I felt both empowered and hopelessly stupid at the same time, which is exactly how 2Ls are supposed to feel.

The argument went well, and the mistakes my instructor pointed out in his critique were not things that I would have avoided with more prep time. I’m fairly natural during oral arguments, but I have to be careful not to channel Nancy Grace.⁴

I left school around 5pm. I no longer had to spend all day Friday prepping for the oral argument, so I felt like I had an inordinate amount of time on my hands.

And now it’s almost 9pm, and I don’t know what just happened to the past four hours…hm.

¹ I bought a new suit jacket before work because my old one had a bullet hole in it.
² Awesome, life saving, super heroic…
³ Before you start cracking jokes this was NOT a law student but a random “might be homeless” dude.
⁴Which I sort of did when I pleaded with the court not to assist the Senators of Moot in perpetrating a betrayal of the taxpayer’s trust… my moot court instruct was all, “WOAAAAAAAH there skipper!” I wished at that moment that I had a power bob to toss…

2L Fall Summaries / Law School – 2L

Best Week Ever #1: Americano

September 11, 2009

My first day of 2L year was Tuesday.

I picked my classes based on subject matter without regard to timing… so it was about 2pm Monday afternoon when I realized that I had four classes scheduled for Tuesday and Wednesday.

I was also really sick last weekend, so I began school drugged-out on cold medicine so I wouldn’t be “disgusting snot guy.” Instead of being disgusting snot guy I just walked around looking mildly dazed, disoriented, and stuffy…so I guess I blended in with the 1Ls? Maybe not…

And while I suspected that this week would be a disaster, it wasn’t. Here’s a play-by-play of the classes and professors:

Tax: I like that UMN has managed to assemble a mix of scholars and practitioners. My tax professor is a partner at one of the biggest firms in the city. He made it very clear (among other things) that he wasn’t an academic.This should be interesting…

My mother still claims me on her taxes, so I felt like one of the few people in the room who has never looked at a 1040 form. I just need to spend some more time with it and figure how all those below-the-line deductions work.
My professor began each class with a raffle. During the first class he raffled off textbooks, and during the second class he raffled off basketball tickets. I’m not sure what that’s about…
Modern Real Estate: This class is hilarious. My professor used to practice real estate law, and looks like she stepped right out of a Talbots ad. Professor E. can compete with any flashy real estate broker in the fashion department. We are always excited to see what each day’s ensemble will be.

Conflicts: Conflicts is with Professor V, who was my Civil Procedure professor. Professor V is super-organized and uses slides filled with flow charts and tables that simplify what seem like hopelessly complex concepts. The only problem I have with Conflicts is that it still feels crazy that a court can apply different sets of laws to different issues within one case. Professor V claims that this is an “opportunity for advocacy” but I suspect that is only true after we get over the mountain-sized learning curve.

Conlaw II: I have Professor L again, who taught Conlaw during my 1L year. And the hilarity continues:

Professor L (looking down at the podium): “Mrs. Smith?”
Cindy Smith: “Here!”
Professor L (looking up): “Where? I just hear a voice. Hah. Hearing voices…that’s all I need…”
Professor L: “Let me read from the 14th amendment real quick. Hm. Wait, I momentarily forgot how to read roman numerals.”
Professor L (tripping over a wire): “Sorry. There’s a little wire here. I’ll probably fall on my face at some point…”

My Employment Law professor began each class by blasting music. It’s a little strange, but I think he’s trying to be “fun.” At least the class isn’t super-early…

On Tuesday I was one of the first people at the school cafeteria. The coffee wasn’t ready yet so the Barista asked me if he could give me an Americano instead.

I agreed, although I didn’t know what an Americano was at the time.

I got hooked.

Americanos are basically the same price as coffee, but have that bitter-taste that I love. I didn’t realize until I was up to three Americanos per day that each drink contains four shots of espresso… 12 shots of espresso per day… no wonder I was so bubbly my first week!

1L Spring Summaries / marathon

Best Week Ever #13: Changes & Drama

April 20, 2009

The end is near! This past week was the week of changes and drama. Finals are creeping closer and so is the law review petition…

Oh and classes are still going on apparently. Most of my section has become impatient with classes. Here’s a rundown:

Crimlaw is a waste of time. Even the “nice” girl has stopped reading Crimlaw and simply outlines during class. We can tell that our professor is extremely knowledgeable, but he is a thoroughly inept teacher. Our professor is also late for almost every class. What the hey?The whole Crimlaw experience is exacerbated by Billy Scratch N’Sniff. Scratch N’Sniff (SNS) is a boy from the other section who spends the entire class period scratching his nether regions. Yes, even during the double-session we had on rape. Actually, the sex crime topic prompted an unusual amount of participation from SNS…it was bizarre. And yes, he was scratching as he opined about rape. The horror…
Corporations has really picked up. Several of my friends refused to take corporations because of Professor M’s verbal ticks¹ but the professor has really relaxed and the stuttering has almost disappeared. The class is usually amusing, with Professor M taking plenty of pot-shots at the Delaware courts. I love it.
Property is a death march. I really like the subject but the class has become tedious. Professor P has a stiff, mechanical style and is relentless when questioning students.It’s really painful to watch. When a student doesn’t know the answer to a question, Professor P simply repeats the question. Over, and over. Have you ever seen two kids do that, “Yeah-huh, nuh-uh, yeah-huh” bit? That’s how questioning feels in Property. Today’s class was especially brutal. please let it be over soon…
But there is always Civil Procedure. I have been preaching the gospel of Professor V since last semester, but most of the section hasn’t come around until this semester. Professor V is the best professor ever and has amazing powerpoints. Today’s slides started with a Yogi Berra quote. Past classes have featured Diana Ross and Anna Nicole. I love it…although we’ve spent so much time on Erie/Hanna analysis that it better be on the exam…

On Thursday I was the distraught 1L in computer services when my laptop suggested that OneNote had deleted ALL OF MY NOTES. Yeah. I was almost the kid howling “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” in the study carrels. My laptop then proceeded to do this:

Unacceptable. Everything turned out alright, but I could have done without the 20 minutes of remmidemmi…

Things in the Gamma house have deteriorated ever since the trashing. The housemates are divided into two camps. People are pissed off and it is getting hard to be civil to Slovenly Housemate.

I tried really hard to be accommodating. But I’ve had to walk over too many beer bottles, pizza boxes, and Coke Zero cans. Slovenly’s friends are also annoying people and over WAY too much.

Charity stops here. I’m pissed off.²

There is going to be a contested election for house president within the next two weeks, but I’m done. I’m moving out after finals. I refuse to live in filth.

I visited an apartment building today that I’m probably going to move into. There were two apartments for rent. The first unit was a dank place on the bottom floor that rents for $575, and the second unit was a huge place on the top floor that rents for $650 a month.

The problem is that the huge apartment is…well, huge. Like, “I entertain” huge.

I’m negotiating a lease right now. We’ll see how it goes.

The building allows dogs, which is crucial. I need a canine running partner.

I arrived for the apartment showing a bit early so I stood outside of the building while talking on the phone. While I was on the phone, a lady left the apartment building with two small dogs.

I was on the phone with Jack and mentioned that the humane society has a lot of pitbulls on its website. My main concern is that a formerly abused pitbull is going to have a flashback and rip my throat out in my sleep. EXTRA: MINNEAPOLIS LAW STUDENT MAULED TO DEATH. DUMBASS ADOPTED AN ABUSED VICIOUS DOG.

Of course potential-neighbor-lady overheard this and started writing down websites where I can find non-throat-ripping dogs. She then detailed the various substance abuse³ problems of the tenants. It looks like it’s going to be an interesting experience…

This was definitely the week of changes. In addition to the apartment hunt, I gave up Splenda and started running because I signed up for a marathon. The marathon is in October, but I’m training now. My first run was 3 miles. The next morning I was so sore that I thought “OH MY GOD I BROKE MYSELF!”

I bitched at myself for a good half hour before I went back and ran 6 miles. The 6 miles were not as painful as I expected. Running is a great people-watching opportunity. The funniest thing I saw was a gay guy walking a pair of chihuahuas.

How do I know he was gay? Well, besides the Juicy Couture sweatpants he was wearing… there was also the fact that his DOGS were sporting pink camouflage hoodies. Diva please.

I had two “Diva Please” moments at bars this week because I was mistaken for a 32 year-old TWICE.

I’m actually 22. I think it’s the beard that does it.

Ah well. Age is overrated, as Sloven Housemate has proven…

¹ Professor M used to string together “uh, uh, um, ers” … he never went over six in a row though. Yes, we counted.

² I refuse to lecture someone who is OLDER THAN ME about “how NOT to be the dirty irritating housemate.” If you haven’t learned how to respect your peers by college, then you have some deep character flaw that’s not getting fixed any time before your wife serves divorce papers on you…

³ Sounds like a UMiami dorm…

Law School / unsolicited advice

Law School Advice

January 31, 2009

Here are some things I’ve found useful, thought I’d share:

How Book Briefing Saved My Behind

One day, she held up her casebook to point out there was almost no underlining or highlighting. However, in the margins of the book were handwritten notes. She explained that doing full briefs for cases was a waste of time. (Via Law Ingenue)

unsolicited advice

Don’t sit in.

January 30, 2009

I’ve seen this happen way too much: an (over)eager local college student visits the law school and sits in on a 1L class.

Within twenty minutes, without fail, the college student is misery personified.

I’m in Corporations right now with one such undergrad sitting to my right.

Today’s topic is the basics of incorporation. The reading was dense. It consisted of definitions in paragraph form: Public v. Closely held corporations, articles of incorporation, director liability, etc, etc, etc.

So today’s class is straight-lecture. No cases, no jokes…it’s horribly boring if you haven’t read the material and don’t know what’s going on.

And judging by the amount of Gmail chat screens… today’s class isn’t that interesting even if you HAVE read the material.

I’ve seen some college students quit on their sit-ins halfway through. I think today’s victim is going to tough it out though.

This is partially the admissions office’s fault – if you’re going to let a prospective student sit in on a class you can’t arbitrarily shove them in Civil Procedure or Corps. A safer choice is a debate and case heavy course like Criminal Law, Torts, or Constitutional Law. (and even then, this is professor specific)

And undergrads: (all you 0L’s out there) Do not sit in on law school classes before you start law school. Save the confusion and boredom for orientation. There are no magical law school insights that come from sitting in on a single, random 1L class. Torts with Professor A is different than torts with Professor B.

Professor A is a sadist, Professor B is a dull lecturer. Professors C-E are amazing, but you’ll never know, because you sat in on Prof A or B’s class and didn’t apply.

My advice? Read blawgs, attend accepted students weekend (and talk to 1Ls), and if you are interested in your undergrad’s law school then drop by the law school during lunch and talk to some students. If you’re nice and don’t linger, you probably won’t get bit.

Law School / on the record

OTR: Our chance is now!

January 20, 2009

The first day of Spring semester started with my favorite class: Civil Procedure!
Professor V: This semester we will cover more doctrinal topics. So for those of you who wondered why I made you buy that big casebook that you hardly used: your chance is now!
Indeed. Now excuse me while I spend the next four hours studying in an undergrad library.

Law School / legal humor / on the record

On the Record: Contracts

November 3, 2008

Jill gets paid.

Professor C: “Okay, Jill! I’m the court. You’re my clerk. Tell me what to do.”
Jill: “First off, pay me more money.”

Wood* can just stay at home!

Professor C: “The plaintiff doesn’t have to go out and market Lady Duff-Gordon’s designs. He can just sit at home, watch Project Runway, and eat Bon-Bons.”

Professor C: “So, Sarah…can the plaintiff sit at home, watch Project Runway, and eat Bon-Bons on his couch?”

* Refers to Otis F. Wood in Wood v. Lucy, Lady Duff-Gordon, 222 N.Y. 88, 118 N.E. 214

Law School / legal humor / on the record

OTR: Cinderella’s army

October 30, 2008

Redefining activism:

Professor T: “Judicial activism is a pejorative term people use to describe supreme court rulings they don’t like.”

Con Law began with this quote:

“Despite what Hollywood might have you believe, in situations like this you don’t call in the tough guys; you all in the lawyers.” – George Tenet

Haaa-CHO!

(There’s a boy in the back of the class that lets out these extra-loud sneeze-cough combos…)
Jill: “His sneezes are like an assault my senses every time…”

War Powers Resolution of 1973:

Jack: “It makes the president the commander-in-chief of a Cinderella army that disappears in 60 days.”

Law School / legal humor / on the record

OTR: Read the damn thing

October 28, 2008

On Contracts:

Professor C: “When you sign a contract you should read the damn thing.”

Professor C: “Why is it in capitals? That’s the insurer’s way of getting around the reasonable expectation policy. They’ll say, “What do you mean you didn’t know?! It’s in CAPITALS!” but of course the problem is that half the freakin’ document is in capitals…”

Professor T’s world:

Professor T: “Up where I live there are guns going off all the time. I have to put an orange vest on my dog when I let him out in the morning because hunters will shoot at anything that moves...”

gamma eta gamma / Law School

Gamma Eta Gamma Party this Friday!

October 26, 2008

Law School – 1L

Vicarious horror

September 19, 2008

Yesterday, my housemate and I walked into CivPro and got our laptops out.

My housemate’s screen flashed blue and then went black.
WINDOWS: ERROR 10123THOUARTSCREWED.
We exchanged “oh shit” looks and she tried to avoid drawing the prof’s attention during her silent panic.

She restarted her computer and got the, “Hi. Your computer sucks. Do you want to start Windows in Safety Mode?” screen. (Which, for a Mac Girl, must have been equally scary, but her laptop started successfully this time.)

While this was going on, I imagined losing all of my notes. BLEH. My gag reflex kicked in. I’ve been told to “backup, backup, backup!” about a dozen times, but I needed that moment of vicarious horror to actually do so:

That evening at Dunnhouse, the first thing I did was unwrap the flashdrive that I received during orientation, and backed up all of my OneNote files and class notes. Whew.

Now that I’m backed up the blue screens can bring it! Come see about D. Jansen. I stay two doors over…

(Haha, and yes that was a B.Scott reference)

Law School / legal humor / on the record

On the Record: Who to run over & Sugamommas

September 18, 2008

Professor L’s nose was bruised this morning. She told us why:
Professor L: “I was playing tug of war with my dog Monday. And my dog, with great force, head butted me! Right in the nose! If you’ve ever seen a boxing match, it was like the moment the guy’s fist connects with the nose and, (I know it’s early) imagine the blood spurting everywhere… well this was the scene at my house Monday morning…”
Sweet semantics

Professor C: “Ahhh, I don’t think it’s an ice cream shop! It’s a frozen yogurt shop! TCBY? Let’s call it a frozen yogurt confection.”
Minor’s Consent:
Professor T: “When my daughter was 12, she wanted to get her ears pierced. So my daughter goes down to the local piercery, which is the same thing as serial stabbing…do I have a case?”
Student: “Did she ask you?”
Professor T: “Of course not. She knew I would say “no” so she does what any 12 year old does, and didn’t ask me.”
Student: “Then you can sue!”
Professor T: “Yes. Exactly. I can sue for battery because they put holes in my property.”
In case you die:
Professor T: “Minnesota Statue 145 B.04. Write this down. Minnesota Statue 145 B.04. I say this because you are all young and think you’re bullet proof. You’re not. You will be in a car accident. Bricks will fall out of the sky. Minnesota Statue 145 B.04.”
Medical Liability:
“Putting the tumor back is not an option. Because that poor tumor, after it’s been deprived of its sustenance, is now dead.”
Bloodlust.
Professor T: “If you’re going to be in an accident and run someone over, who’s your favorite victim?”
Jack: “A bum!”
Professor T: “Who’s your second favorite victim?”
Jill: “A CHILD!”
Professor T: “Right. They are worthless. And then?”
Jack: “A retired person!”
Professor T: “And for the purposes of future earnings you want to nail a child, a retired person, and a bum.”
Billy: “What about a nun?”
Professor T: “I’m TRYING TO HAVE A SERIOUS DISCUSSION HERE!”
Billy: “Sorry!”
Professor T: “But now that we’re on it, YES. Since the nun is concerned with poverty, her worth isn’t much in court. Now, after you run over your child, retired person, bum, and nun…what do you do?”
Jack: “Repent?”
Professor T: “No. You back up and make sure you finished the job!”
Sugamomma…
Professor T: “Jill, does your husband have any interest in you?”
Jill: “Besides my sugamomma status?”
Professor T: “Yes a consortium…damages.”
Jill: “But I’m irreplaceable!”
Professor T: “We all are. Well, most of us. Not all of our dogs love us…”

legal humor

The Sadist and the Post-its

September 17, 2008

There’s a sadist in the law school.

There’s no other way to explain our schedule today. Pure, unfiltered, organic sadism.

Well, it was probably just a fluke… But I’m still blaming this faceless Sadistic scheduler. Let me feel victimized for a second.

And what was so horrible about our section’s schedule today? Well…

8am-9am – Legal Writing
9:05-10am – CivPro Structured Study Group
10:55-12:10pm – Contracts
12:15-1:05pm – Mandatory Constitution Day lecture
1:25-2:20pm – CivPro
2:30-3:25pm – Torts.
3:35-“no later than 4:30pm!” – ConLaw Structured Study Group

…and while this doesn’t look so bad written down, think of it as almost 7 back to back law classes.
It feels like the part in a spy movie when they try to break the captured spy by showing him endless reruns of Olympic speed walking competitions until he breaks….

By the time we reached ConLaw SSG, half of us had the Minnesota nice knocked out of us. Only about 20 people showed up out of…80? Let’s just say attendance was two people short of sparse.

One of the braver girls in the section actually asked our SSG instructor,
“Hey, is there anyway we can reschedule this SSG? It’s on a really awful day for us. We’ve been going non stop since 8am and I don’t know if it’s just me, but I can only think of the crapload of work I have to do for tomorrow. We have all four of our real classes tomorrow and I’m swamped.”
She didn’t hear us, but those of us sitting in the back of the room were almost screaming “HERE HERE!! AMEN SISTA! PREACH IT!” Seriously. I almost caught the spirit back there.

The SSG instructor didn’t get it. “No, this time is pretty much set in stone. Sorry. But I’m raffling off packs of Post-It Notes today!”

… um. We are going to leave that one alone.

And to her credit, one girl that won was so excited (to win post-it notes) that she actually screamed out “YES! I WON!” at the end of the session. This will also be left alone.

Oh, and in reference to this post, yes, I was that obnoxious “Well I did the extra reading and it ACTUALLY the case said this…” kid in class. Yes. That boy. I apologize. Everyone was like, “really? shut the f-up.” Or, as Professor T would say, “supremely disinterested.”

NOTE – this is the last time I steal the douchebag prize “spotlight” from those who consistently work to maintain it. I promise.

Wait, was that mean? I apologize. I blame the schedule and the 3 extra hours of reading I have left to do… Some incarnation of Minnesota nice will return tomorrow.

And now, to Contracts…

Law School / legal humor / on the record

On the record: Permission to Stab

September 17, 2008

Tracing liability
Professor T: “You can trace everything back to your mother. But we aren’t going to sue your mother just because she caused you, and you caused torts.”

Consent
Professor T: “It’s subjective… In a sexual encounter, what would normally be rape can be classified as a good or bad decision…”

On Vaccinations:
Professor T: “What do we call someone who marches down a row of people stabbing them in the arm?”
Student: “A serial stabber?”
Professor T: “…what about in this case?”
Student: “A doctor with consent to stab?”
Professor T: “And is he liable?”
Student: “If he has permission to serially stab I guess.”
Professor T: “At first pass they can stab a couple of times,.. at least until they get it right. And why does consent matter, when dealing with a serial stabber? I like serial stabbers…”

Context and custom to infer apparent consent:
Professor T: “Mike, Let’s say you and Sarah go on a date tonight…”
Mike*: “Erm…”
Sarah: “I’m MARRIED!”
Professor T: “That makes it even more interesting!”
Mike: “Erm…”
Sarah: “Well, my husband’s pretty beefy…”
Professor T: “And he finds out! And you’re shocked, and you find yourself in a lot of legal turmoil…”

The pain is just beginning…
Student: (dead silence)
Professor T: “And this was the easy question. I have three more.”

How to get called on:
Professor T: “Jake!”
Jake: “Uh?”
Professor T: “I saw you twitch right?”
Jake: “Uh… no… I was just scratching the back of my head.”
Professor T: “Well answer anyway.”

Professor T: “And Kevin since you’re my expert on all things surgically removed.”

legal humor

On the record: Packers, Outrageousness, and “Retards.”

September 17, 2008

Professor T: “Let’s say they are all standing around Siliznoff chanting “DRILL BABY DRILL!!” while holding drills in their hands…”
Professor T: “A heart attack can ruin your day.”
Professor T: “I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been sued by former students because I’ve grilled them for eight successive days in a row…do they have a cause of action?”
Student: “No, because they signed up for it.”
Professor T: “And I’m grateful for that! They volunteered for being abused by me!”
Professor T (on the ALI): “Can these professors do that? Collude to create new law?”
Student: “That’s what common law is all about!”
Professor T: “What, COLLUSION?”
Student: “Yeah he’s liable! When you go into a store you don’t expect to be emotionally harassed, aside from one of those Boston Fish stores...”
Student: “There’s a difference between saying to someone in your group of friends, “dude you’re a retard” and actually going up to a retard and saying “dude you’re a retard.”
Class: (collective gasp).
Student: “Every sporting event has outrageous conduct – Like at a Packers game! If outrageous conduct was a tort then every Packers fan at the stadium would be sued!”
Professor T: “I want to go right up to the line of being outrageous without stepping over that line. I want to exercise my full right of outrageousness without being sued.”
Professor C: “You’re still not getting where I want you to go. So I’m going to tell you where I want you to go and then you can repeat after me.”

legal humor / Life

The Study Carrel

September 16, 2008

Over the weekend I received an email from the library that said, “Hey, there are still study carrel’s available y’all!”

This was contrary to the story from orientation – “Oh, study carrels are in high demand and are awarded to students on journals and moot courts first. There are only a few, if any, available to first years. Go study on the first floor of the library like the homeless people.” [emphasis mine]

So I went to the library website at Dunnhouse this weekend to sign up for a carrel. Heck, why not?

I click the link in the email, enter my university username and password and receive a message: “ERROR you do not have sufficient rights to view this page. Library Intranet only, dumbass.” [emphasis mine, again.]

Then I remembered that our laptops came with a nifty VPN client – not that I actually know what a VPN client is – I just assumed that it would help me log into the intranet…

…and I’m pretty sure that’s what it does. I’m not really sure though because I launched the VPN client and well,
VPN: “Connecting…connecting… connecting… oh wait, no I’m not connecting… retry?”

VPN: “Connecting…connecting… hah, your ass is just going to have to the law school huh? Thou art the weakest link. Goodbye.”
Fine.

So yesterday, when I got to school, I got on the intranet and finally pulled up the carrel application. The cool thing about the application was that I could request a carrel location.
Me: “THIRD FLOOR NEAR THE BATHROOM!!! That would totally rock. K, thx.”
Around noon, I was sitting in room 25, which is my school’s big-honking-lecture room... You know, the one that fits all sections of the class with only a few people standing awkwardly along the edges…

We had Westlaw training. No one else was in the room, but I was 25 minutes early…and it was lunch so…

I check my email. I have a message from the library: “SUPER AWESOME-TIME ALERT: YOU RECEIVED A CARREL! PICK UP YOUR KEY NOW!”

Just then, ding ding ding, one of my housemates walks into the 25 room and graciously agrees to watch my stuff.

So I skip to the library and pick up my study carrel key. The excitement is palpable. El Yay. One of these much coveted (hah) carrels is mine! And my little envelope tells me it’s on the third floor! Gasp! Did I actually get my request?

Pfft. And how…
The carrel was on the third floor. And it was by the bathroom….

The problem was that it was that one carrel, by itself, awkwardly close to the bathroom. Like 7 feet from the bathroom door close…like poo-draft close.

I wanted a carrel near the bathroom…not in it.

This carrel, in addition to being close enough to hear people wipe, was right under the industrial AC vent. Drafts and smells!

When I approached my carrel I saw that here was an upperclassman sitting at it. She told me that it was her carrel last year.
Me: “Isn’t this REALLY close to the bathroom?”
Upperclassman: “Yeah! It was great! I was all up in everyone’s business!”
Erm…Yeah, no. That’s not going to work.

So I went back to the circulation desk with that classic 1L awkwardness,
Me: “Um, hi, I just got this carrel, and it’s great and all but, um…I was wondering, um… can I get another one? Specifically one in row 3414-3417?”
The librarian told me to come into her office. ACK.

Behind the desk at the library?! Gasp. I thought I was going to get chastised along the lines of, “BE GRATEFUL THAT WE CONDESCENDED TO GIVE YOU ANYTHING!”

But no. The librarian sits down, pulls out a chart, and says, “It’s great that you have a number so we can see more specifically what’s open!”

After the wave of relief passed I said, “Yeah, the other carrel is, um…right under the AC vent!”
Librarian: “Oh my, yeah. I understand. That’s not good at all! Actually one of the numbers you mentioned is open! Here’s your new key!”
Holleration!

I couldn’t visit my new carrel because it was 12:25 by now and Westlaw had started. I run back to the 25 room, expecting to be awkwardly-late-dude…

And I get there…and hah, it was just my two housemates sitting together near my stuff.
Housemate #1: “Yeah, so apparently Westlaw was canceled this week.”
Oops. And apprently we were the only ones not to get that memo. At least I got a carrel!

Law School / legal humor / on the record

Another day in Torts

September 15, 2008

Professor T: “What do you think student? Why did she sue when she didn’t have a cause of action?”
Student: “Money, money, money mooooney!” (yes, he sang the Apprentice theme song).
Professor T: “During cross examination you can ask a leading question. And what a leading question does is makes you walk off a cliff one step at a time.”
Professor T: “And while you’re cross examining you have the deposition there, and if they say something inconsistent with the deposition you highlight it and make them read it back to you, so they are perjuring themselves… and then you BEAT THEM ACROSS THE HEAD AND SHOULDERS WITH IT!”
Professor T: “…and since nothing good can ever happen from talking to the police… you should just walk away!”
Professor T: “So you walk into a store with Jane, and I say, “If you don’t go into the back room with me I’ll shoot Jane’s dog. Is that false imprisonment?”
Student: “I don’t like dogs. So no.”
Later…

Professor T : “Well, Jack may be a very sensitive person who is concerned with the wellbeing of Sarah, but the rest of us may regard Sarah’s fate with supreme disinterest…”

1L Fall Summaries

Best Week ever #2: Extending the weekend

September 15, 2008

It’s 9am and I’m usually studying at Dunn by now.

But this morning, the preview for America’s Newsroom looked so interesting that I decided to relax and watch the first hour. (I think I’m going to miss the Megyn’s Court segment, however. Hmmph.)

This is going to be my first “full” week of law school since half of my classes were canceled last week. And while I didn’t succeed in creating a week-long reading buffer, I am good until Wednesday. This means that I can extend my easy weekend reading pace throughout the week without falling behind…in theory at least.

We’ll see how this goes.

legal humor / the cases

Why I love law school: Shady Widows and Baby Momma Drama

September 14, 2008

I spent a chunk of my weekend reading for contracts. The contracts cases are interesting they contain plot twists equal to Law & Order and Maury.

For example, this short case was assigned:

Kirksey v. Kirksey
(Ala. 1845)

The plaintiff was the wife of defendant’s brother, but had for some time been a widow, and had several (about 9) children. In 1840, the plaintiff resided on public land, under a contract of lease, she had held over, and was comfortably settled, and would have attempted to secure the land she lived on. The defendant resided in Talladega county, some sixty, or seventy miles off. On the 10th October, 1840, he wrote to her the following letter:
“Dear Sister Antillico–Much to my mortification, I heard, that brother Henry was dead, and one of his children. I know that your situation is one of grief, and difficult…
* * *
I do not know whether you have a preference on the place you live on, or not. If you had, I would advise you to obtain your preference, and sell the land and quit the country, as I understand it is very unhealthy, and I know society is very bad. If you will come down and see me, I will let you have a place to raise your family, and I have more open land than I can tend; and on the account of your situation, and that of your family, I feel like I want you and the children to do well.”

Within a month or two after the receipt of this letter, the plaintiff abandoned her possession, without disposing of it, and removed with her family, to the residence of the defendant, who put her in comfortable houses, and gave her land to cultivate for two years, at the end of which time he notified her to remove, and put her in a house, not comfortable, in the woods, which he afterwards required her to leave.

——–

What a jerk, right?

And the court told the poor widow that she was out of luck. Gasp.

I was confused. This seemed horribly unfair. Some of the notes after the case pointed me towards a Georgetown Law review article that examined the history of the Kirksey case. I read the article and learned that the story is far more complicated and colorful than what’s in the casebook…

It turns out that BOTH of the Kirkseys were involved in shady real estate transactions.

At the time, the Alabama government was selling 160 acres of land to squatters at $1.25 an acre. The defendant already owned a huge plantation so he was ineligible for the discounted rate. He convinced widow Kirksey, his sister in law, to act as a placeholder for him so he could get the land on the sly.

These placeholder deals were common but illegal. The widow objected to being shoved off the land because she wanted the title for herself.

So basically, the “poor widow” moved on the land as part of a scheme to defraud the government. Widow Kirksey then tried to throw her coconspirator under the bus, and failed.

Hm.

Another case, also part of the contracts reading, involved a child custody suit. A man (Wright) assumed parental responsibility for his girlfriend’s son. Wright knew he wasn’t the father, but he put his name on the child’s birth certificate and played dad.

Wright and the girl split up. She wants child support. He pulls a Maury classic: “THAT AINT MY KID!”

Court says:
Wright’s commitment to Newman (the girlfriend) to assume the obligations of fatherhood as regards her son are enforceable. Specifically, it is abundantly clear that Wright should have known that Newman would rely upon his promise, especially after he undertook for ten years to fulfill the obligations of fatherhood. In this regard, it could hardly have escaped Wright’s notice that Newman refrained from seeking to identify and obtain support from the child’s biological father while Wright was fulfilling his commitment to her. Moreover, Newman did in fact rely upon Wright’s promise, to her detriment when, ten years after he undertook the obligations of fatherhood, Wright reneged on his promise.
Trying to disown a kid after 10 years. What a jerk right?

Well, actually the dissenting opinion had an interesting little nugget of information:
In fact, Wright contends, and Newman does not refute, that Newman severed the relationship and all ties with Wright when the child was approximately three years old. For approximately the next five years, until the child was eight, Newman and Wright did not communicate. Only for the past two years has Wright visited with the child. Importantly, Wright contends that during the past seven years he did not support the child.
What the hey? You don’t kick your man out and then demand that he support another man’s child 7 years later.

The majority opinion made it seem like Wright played father for a decade and then tried to dip. Turns out, Wright was booted out early on, hasn’t supported the kid since he got the boot, AND the mother, “has not alleged, nor does the record reveal, that she does not know the identity of the natural father, nor does she show that the natural father is dead or unable to be found.”

Not even Maury would let this one fly.

Go bother your real baby’s daddy.

legal humor / the cases

Lessons from Mrs. Demotsis

September 14, 2008

The cases that are hardest to understand are the ones where one of the parties did something incredibly stupid. For example, in Batsakis v. Demotsis (1949), Mrs. Demotsis agreed to pay $2000 for a loan of 500,000 drachmas (worth about $25)
‘Q. ….. who suggested the figure of $2,000.00?

A. That was how he asked me from the beginning. He said he will give me five hundred thousand drachmas provided I signed that I would pay him $2,000.00 American money.’
I had to look the case up on Westlaw because I couldn’t believe someone agreed to pay back 80 times the amount they borrowed.

It also looked like Mrs. Demotsis signed a letter stating she received $2000, when she really only borrowed $25.

I must have read it wrong. The case must be in old-speak. No one does that. I must be missing something…

And so I check Westlaw and learn that Mrs. Demotsis actually agreed to pay $2000 for $25 loan. And she also signed a letter stating she received $2000, when she …well, didn’t.

So I learned three things:

I need to trust my readings of cases.
Mere inadequacy of consideration will not void a contract
…and yes, someone can be that stupid.