I took my Criminal Law final this afternoon. It was basically a typing contest.
Me: “That was special.”
Jill: “Yeah. Oh my god…I feel like I’m out of breath or something!”
I actually enjoyed studying for the Crimlaw final. It’s amazing how much a class can suck all of the life out of a subject.
I had a sneaking feeling all semester that if I only “delved into the material” more, that I would actually like the class. Hm. Next time!
So, I was working on a practice exam for tomorrow’s final when Harley walks up to me, sniffs my knee, and then walks to the wall and PEES ON IT.
I had an Alley McBeal hallucination moment where I saw myself screaming “FALAFEL!!” and lunging at him. I know that’s random…and actually, it might have been more productive because when I started to scold him the started running to the sofa…
…the only problem was that Harley was NOT DONE PEEING! So I chased him throughout the apartment yelling at him to turn off the faucet. Dis-aster.
I just wanted to concentrate on Mens Rea and not slash around in a pee slip-n-slide!
After mopping and spraying down the entire apartment, I grabbed the dog, threw him in the car, and booked it to Wal-Mart.
Harley’s now the proud new owner of a kennel.
He goes in there willingly so half the battle is over. I’m super-excited that I can leave books out now without the fear shredding.
Horrah!…now back to Mens Rea…
I think that thing they call spring is here.
The grass started turning green a month ago, but the trees have remained leafless – until this week. Sometime overnight all the trees decided to blossom.
It’s as if the mayor pressed some secret spring button.1
I feel like I’m in some parallel Paula Dean Garden universe. I got so used to winter that I forgot that there are other seasons…
Harley and I spent the week exploring the extensive park system in the neighborhood. The amount of parks, lakes, and nature trails surrounding downtown is ridiculous.
I suspect I moved back to Germany and no one has told me yet, especially when I look at the Fachwerk houses in the neighborhood:
I need to stop bringing coffee on these walks. The same thing happens every time: I start the walk with a cup of coffee and when we are 4 or 5 miles from home I realize “oh shit, I need to pee.”
This is of course the point when Harley gets tired and is all, “wait, why are we rushing all of the sudden?”
He then decides that every tree, squirrel, and gardener is worth inspection.
My bladder starts crying…and disaster strikes.2
And don’t be fooled by the “Minnesota Nice” stereotype – even Minnesotans will give you filthy looks when you’re raging down the street, screaming “GOD DAMN DA COFF-FAAAY!!!” while grabbing your crotch and dragging a 100lb dog…
There have been plenty of times this week when I’ve wanted to scream upon getting home. Harley has started trashing the apartment.
I tweeted about the destruction and was directed by @Karpul to this article on the Humane Society Website. The topic? Dog Separation Anxiety. The gist? He’s destroying the apartment because he misses me and loves me.
Now before you say “awe” remember I am not seeing love when I’m cleaning up shredded novels marinating in puddles of piss.
No. That ain’t love.
And of course the article says scolding the dog will ONLY MAKE IT WORSE!
Well… crap!
You mean I come home to a destroyed, pee-soaked apartment and I can’t bitch at anyone? This is supremely unfair.
And the most ridiculous thing is that Harley didn’t start this chaos until recently. I guess that means he didn’t like me enough before…
In order to help him adjust, I decided to study at Dunn Brothers today. I left Harley a pork bone and hoped for the best. Of course he completely demolished the kitchen – broke dishes, dragged the trash everywhere, and then pissed all over the front door.
And no, he did not need to pee – we had gone on a two hour walk this morning. Minneapolis is perfumed with this dog’s pee. It was pure spite…or according to the humane society, yellow love…
One redeeming thing about Harley is his “don’t mess with me or I’ll eat you” size. He even keeps Mel away.
However, Harley’s size did fail to keep the crazy away this week – we were walking in Uptown (on Lyndale) when I saw this sketchtastic guy sitting at a bus stop across the street.
He was bald, pasty-white, emaciated, and had no eye brows ala Alexander Litvinenko (or Powder) and of course STARING RIGHT AT ME.
So I smiled politely and directed Harley down the street. Of course a few blocks later I see that powder had crossed the street and was storming down the sidewalk right behind us! I have seen waaay too many zombie movies for this to be okay. Seriously, this guy looked like the last day of chemo…or day 28…
So I took a sharp turn and literally RAN down the block as much as I could before he made it to the corner. What the hay…
The sprint worked, but I ran into the creep at another bus stop on Hennepin. He glared at me from across the street. I wondered if Harley would catch whatever that guy had if Harley decided to eat him…
In addition to running from zombies and cleaning up pee, I took my first final exam this week. The subject was Property, and it was not as horrible as everyone expected. My only grief is that there were NO future interests/estates problems! Not a single one!
All that time spent on learning the vesting categories? A waste.
The $20 I spent on the supplemental future interest book? An utter waste…especially since I barely looked at the book…
Tomorrow is my Criminal Law Final, and Friday is Corporations. Crimlaw is strangely pleasant to study…which is odd given how incredibly dull that class was…
I’ve also spent an inordinate amount of time thinking about “what kind of law I want to practice” and decided that it’s a silly question. I am not so limited in my interests that I wouldn’t be perfectly content practicing in most fields. I know that seems sacrilegious to say, but I don’t think I’m the only person who likes law enough to be happy in most fields…
Heck, I think most students at my school would be open to most areas of law. And most of us feel silly when lawyers (and parents, and friends) ask us what field we want to practice in, since the first year of law school gives us no clue of what private practice is actually like.3
There are a few former Business School kids and future public defenders who know exactly what they want to do (to the exclusion of all other opportunities) but most of us have no idea…
The real question is what type of firm will hire me? I love my school, but I’m aware of its limitations. UMN is reputable enough that nearly everyone will pass the bar, but not so prestigious that everyone will have a job upon graduation.
I have decided that the answer is not to claw my way into the top 5% since even biglaw has its problems.
The point (for me at least) isn’t to get a prestigious job just because that’s what everyone else is doing. My goal is to have a career that allows me to do challenging work and pay off my student loans before I’m 40.
…oh, and a job that allows me to afford dog training…since I’m sick of this yellow love business.
1 I’m pretty sure it’s between the “easy” button and the Taco Bell button.
2 And I can’t tie him up and run into a coffee shop or something because I always feel like a horrible dog owner doing that… plus I’m sure there’s some sort of ordinance against that.
3 I think that’s why next year’s 1Ls will be required to take a “work of the lawyer” course.
The end is near! This past week was the week of changes and drama. Finals are creeping closer and so is the law review petition…
Oh and classes are still going on apparently. Most of my section has become impatient with classes. Here’s a rundown:
On Thursday I was the distraught 1L in computer services when my laptop suggested that OneNote had deleted ALL OF MY NOTES. Yeah. I was almost the kid howling “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” in the study carrels. My laptop then proceeded to do this:
Unacceptable. Everything turned out alright, but I could have done without the 20 minutes of remmidemmi…
Things in the Gamma house have deteriorated ever since the trashing. The housemates are divided into two camps. People are pissed off and it is getting hard to be civil to Slovenly Housemate.
I tried really hard to be accommodating. But I’ve had to walk over too many beer bottles, pizza boxes, and Coke Zero cans. Slovenly’s friends are also annoying people and over WAY too much.
Charity stops here. I’m pissed off.2
There is going to be a contested election for house president within the next two weeks, but I’m done. I’m moving out after finals. I refuse to live in filth.
I visited an apartment building today that I’m probably going to move into. There were two apartments for rent. The first unit was a dank place on the bottom floor that rents for $575, and the second unit was a huge place on the top floor that rents for $650 a month.
The problem is that the huge apartment is…well, huge. Like, “I entertain” huge.
I’m negotiating a lease right now. We’ll see how it goes.
The building allows dogs, which is crucial. I need a canine running partner.
I arrived for the apartment showing a bit early so I stood outside of the building while talking on the phone. While I was on the phone, a lady left the apartment building with two small dogs.
I was on the phone with Jack and mentioned that the humane society has a lot of pitbulls on its website. My main concern is that a formerly abused pitbull is going to have a flashback and rip my throat out in my sleep. EXTRA: MINNEAPOLIS LAW STUDENT MAULED TO DEATH. DUMBASS ADOPTED AN ABUSED VICIOUS DOG.
Of course potential-neighbor-lady overheard this and started writing down websites where I can find non-throat-ripping dogs. She then detailed the various substance abuse3 problems of the tenants. It looks like it’s going to be an interesting experience…
This was definitely the week of changes. In addition to the apartment hunt, I gave up Splenda and started running because I signed up for a marathon. The marathon is in October, but I’m training now. My first run was 3 miles. The next morning I was so sore that I thought “OH MY GOD I BROKE MYSELF!”
I bitched at myself for a good half hour before I went back and ran 6 miles. The 6 miles were not as painful as I expected. Running is a great people-watching opportunity. The funniest thing I saw was a gay guy walking a pair of chihuahuas.
How do I know he was gay? Well, besides the Juicy Couture sweatpants he was wearing… there was also the fact that his DOGS were sporting pink camouflage hoodies. Diva please.
I had two “Diva Please” moments at bars this week because I was mistaken for a 32 year-old TWICE.
I’m actually 22. I think it’s the beard that does it.
Ah well. Age is overrated, as Sloven Housemate has proven…
1 Professor M used to string together “uh, uh, um, ers” … he never went over six in a row though. Yes, we counted.
2 I refuse to lecture someone who is OLDER THAN ME about “how NOT to be the dirty irritating housemate.” If you haven’t learned how to respect your peers by college, then you have some deep character flaw that’s not getting fixed any time before your wife serves divorce papers on you…
3 Sounds like a UMiami dorm…
The social inappropriateness in my Crimlaw class reached an entirely new level of awful yesterday.
Jill appeared very distraught in yesterday’s class. She kept switching between laughing and looks of utter disgust. At times, Jill shook so hard with laughter that she rattled her desk.
I facebook messaged her:
Me: What’s wrong?
Jill: The guy sitting next to me! The angry, serial-killer-looking one from the other section…
Me: You mean Billy Bohaha? What about him?
Jill: LOOK AT HIS HAND!
I look over and realize that only one of Billy’s hands is on the desk.
Me: Uh, What is going on?
Jill: Billy has been scratching his balls for the past 20 minutes!
Me: What–what? Who does that? OH MY GOD…it’s like he’s mining!
Jill: I can’t even look at the overheads because every time I turn that way I burst out laughing! This is NOT happening!
But it is happening, Jill. But it is…
Billy scratched his crotch for the rest of Crimlaw, to the great amusement of the class.1 I think we should start an itch-cream fund.2
1 The professor was probably wondering why so many of us were snickering.
2 This is a prime example of how some students have no conception of appropriate classroom behavior. There is an unusually dense concentration of these people in my Crimlaw class. They are shunned accordingly.
From my Crimlaw class:
Professor R: “Is a buying a mask enough to be in the possession of a materials to be employed specifically designed for an unlawful use?”
Jill: : “No. Maybe it’s Halloween or something.”
Professor R: “Well, that’s right. You can use a mask for a lot of things. I just to have a colleague that taught Criminal Procedure in a Nixon mask…”
Jill is kind of a bitch. This just happened in Crimlaw:
Professor R: “I want to schedule a makeup class for April 28 at noon. Does anyone have any conflicts with this?”
Jack: “I do! I do! There is some lunch thing with potential employers on that day.”
Jill (loudly): “Don’t worry. You’re not going to get hired anyway!”
Another day in the Circus (aka Criminal Law). The topic1 is police power to shoot a fleeing suspect:
Professor R: “Is this an incentive for the suspect to run? Often the suspect is younger, doesn’t have heavy equipment, and hasn’t been to the doughnut shop as much…”
Jill: “There’s a middle ground! You don’t haveta shoot him! You can taser him, or beat him with a baton!”
1 The leading case is Tenn. v. Garner, 471 U.S. 1 (U.S. 1985)
This week’s Crimlaw cases are just ridiculous:
May a person who enters the habitat of another at 3 o’clock in the morning for the announced purpose of killing him, and who commences to beat the startled sleeper’s bed with a stick and set fires under him, be entitled to use deadly force in self defense after the intended victim shoots him in the back with an arrow? Upon the basis of these bizarre facts, we hold that he may not, and instead, must suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune (with apologies to William Shakespeare and Hamlet, Act III, sc. 1).
I mentioned that this semester feels busier. That was an understatement. Comparing first semester to second semester is like comparing Enya to a Revlon Ball.
My classes this semester are hilarious. Here’s a rundown:
Property: Even compared with the other UMN faculty, Professor P has a monster CV. I was expecting a reincarnation of Ben Stein in Bueller’s Day Off 1, and was pleasant surprised. Professor P is formal, but not boring.
Property is an extremely practical course. I now know what my obligations are if I find something valuable, and how to successfully capture any foxes (or bats) that I might come across…
The reading is interesting so far, but we start Estates and Future Interests this week. Our SSG has made several dark references to Future Interests, so we’ll see if my enthusiasm survives the week…
Civil Procedure: Civpro never disappoints. On Wednesday the law school’s auditorium was turned into a court room for a motion hearing. The case2 involves a pastor who came to Minnesota for a religious conference. The pastor dumped pipe ashes into a pot on his friend’s deck. The ashes started a fire that burnt down the friend’s house.
The angry homeowner was present Wednesday and sat next to one of my housemates. The awkwardness was delicious.
The losses calculated by the homeowner were creative. The plaintiff priced his used mid-90’s model cars using 2008 models. The plaintiffs also wanted compensation for a lost job and wages3 at $320/hour for the husband, and $125/hour for his retired wife.
The judge questioned the compensation:
Judge: “One of the arguments was that the loss of job isn’t compensable under Minnesota Law. Do you think the jury could connect the fire with the loss of a job?”
Attorney: “You’re speaking to a defense attorney your honor, so my answer is absolutely not! But consider the source…”
Corporations: The reading for this course is a bit bizarre. Each assignment starts with what is essentially definitions in paragraph form. “Shareholders do this. A proxy contest is this. Etc.” After five pages of definitions comes the case, which is usually a scandalous hot mess (porn emails, sexual assaults, swearing, swindlers…etc.)
Sorry, what? Jack just responded to a question in Criminal Law… and I’m confused:
Jack: “…and the guy walking down the street carrying a banana thinking, ‘Ah! I’m going to kill someone today!’ is less likely to be successful than someone who planned it out.”
I’m not suggesting that Jack’s answers are incoherent. I’ll just listen better next time.
Today’s criminal law assignment* covers 1st degree murder.
This case reads like a profane Law & Order scene: The defendant was caught driving a stolen car. He ran from the police into an apartment where three girls (14, 13, 9 years old) were doing homework, then:
Officer Lunning entered the open door of the apartment holding his gun in front of him and told appellant “Police, you are under arrest.”
Appellant asked, “For what?”
When appellant refused to cooperate with being handcuffed, the officer said, “Do you want me to blow your m—– f—— head off?”
We just had an interesting exchange in Criminal Law:
Jack: “I don’t get how the defendant didn’t know he was a felon. I mean, how can you not know? This is nuts. Are you saying I can just murder someone and then vote?
Prof R: “Well, they generally don’t run criminal checks when you vote. If they do catch you then you’re violation…”
Jack: “I just lost respect for this system! (professor and class gasps, awkward moment ensues…) I know that’s not your fault, it’s more of a societal thing, but whatever…”
The first week of 2nd semester is over. Vöt! Here’s a rundown of the courses:
Criminal law: Theory, theory, theory. It feels like a criminal justice class at a community college. No cases yet. Just half-page snippets of punishment theory…rehabilitation, retribution, yada-ya.
There’s way too much class discussion. I had the same issue with Constitutional Law last semester… I prefer the Socratic method because it focuses the discussion. When professors ask for volunteers in law school you get the same 5 people speaking all the time, and a fair amount of irrelevant and unproductive comments. I’ll give this class a few more weeks before it becomes my official blog-reading time.
Corporations: The reading is remarkably quick and interesting. Class is okay, but the professor tends to stick with a single student for 20 minute blocks. It’s not exactly grilling because our professor is really nice, although he does stutter when he makes a joke.
The professor made us buy this 3-inch-thick book of statutes and restatements. I’m returning it. There’s no way I’m carrying that brick of a book around and I look up everything on Westlaw anyway…
Property: The first day of Property I sit down and my classmates on either side of me start talking about how awesome the case was.
Me: “What case?”
Oh, apparently there was a reading assignment. Hah. Silly me. I’m starting off with a bang…
The supposedly awesome-case was about whaling with exploding bullets. Basically, back in the day they shot the whales with these bullet-bombs, watched them sink, and recovered them whenever the whale floated back up. This could take days. So, when someone else found the whale and sold it…well, that’s when we got a case for our casebook.
The only carry-over class from last semester is Civil Procedure, which is still my favorite. I like the predictability and efficiency of Civil Procedure. There’s a schedule, there are no irrelevant discussions or tangents.
No fluff means that I don’t have to wonder what’s important for the exam. I had some classes last year where only a handful of the classes were useful for the final…whereas in Civil Procedure everything is important. Professor V doesn’t waste our time.
Grades come out on Monday at 4pm. There’s a mandatory lecture that afternoon so people don’t drop out. This was the message from the dean:
Welcome Back 1L Students!
As you get back into the swing of things for Spring semester, this is a quick reminder that our 1L Lecture Series kicks off Monday. I’ll be joined by 2L and 3L students and the Career and Professional Development Center for a brief presentation on “Putting Your Grades in Context.” Our goal is to offer concrete ways to learn from and improve upon your Fall semester performance, and to help you understand what your grades mean – and don’t mean – for your professional development.
Best wishes, and have a great weekend.
– The dean
I think the grade delay is a retention ploy. Most of the 1L blawgers seem to have their grades…I really want to know where I stand so I can figure out who to ask for recommendations and what scholarships and jobs are realistic for me.
Anyhoot, I’m ending the week by seeing a somewhat-gory, but totally awesome movie with Jamie. Vöt.