My apartment building has a shuttle to the NoMA Metro Station during the weekdays, which means that I pass the “Rain” art installation almost every day. Rain is a series of changing lights that illuminate the underside of the M Street NE underpass near Red Bear Brewing.
February is a hard month. Like a Siberian prisoner, I accept my frozen circumstances and stop hoping for spring.
So the snow completely melted, revealing five months of filth, trash, small dead animals, and dog crap. Yes, dog crap – there’s a subset of dog owners who don’t pick up dog shit when there’s snow on the ground. I don’t get it.
It is Saturday night and Judd and I are on our way to the see “Kick Ass.” We stop at a light and try to avoid eye contact with the sign-holding beggar on the side of the road.
Beggar: “Yo brother from a different mother!”
Me: “Dad surely got around.”
Beggar: “Surely. Can you spare any money?”
Me: “Recession. I have no cash!”
Tonight Jamie will host a meeting for his softball team. He wants to serve cocktails, so we went to the liquor store.
We are near the refrigerated beer aisle when I say,
Me: “Why bother with Cocktails? You should just get some Milwaukee’s Best! It’s classy.”
And of course there was a toothless semi-homeless man nearby, and of course he started talking to me:1
Toothless: “What’s wrong with Milwaukee’s Best?!”
Me: “Nothing. It’s the business.”
Toothless: “That’s right!”
Toothless then goes to the end of the aisle and says,
Toothless: “Come here. Let me rock you world.”
A homeless man offering to rock my world? I couldn’t resist!
I walk over to the fridge, and Toothless pulls out a 20-ounce beer can of some trashy brand I’ve never heard of.
Toothless (holding the can of TrashLite): “You see this stuff? It’s only $1.34. You see the Coors? It’s $2.88! It’s over a dollar more! AND! Look!”
Me: “Oh, it’s 11% alcohol.”
Toothless: “Exactly. Get two of them and it’ll F-ya-up on the cheap.”
Me: “I’ll keep that mind.”
The toothless man grabbed a few cans of TrashLite and started walking off.
Toothless (Calling back to me): “Trust me! It’ll rock your world! Drink two of them tonight and call me in the morning! You’ll tell me I’m right.
Me: “Will do!”2
1 A rule of life is that bloggers attract The Crazy. Every time.
2 And no, I did not buy any TrashLite Beer.
You can’t see his face, but the homeless man on the side is so amused that he forgot to beg the obviously captive audience.
