The topic was ‘the evolution of federal question jurisdiction’:
Prof V: It’s hard to remember that before 1875, the Federal Government had a very limited role, especially today when the government is taking over banks and the entire economy…
The topic was ‘the evolution of federal question jurisdiction’:
Prof V: It’s hard to remember that before 1875, the Federal Government had a very limited role, especially today when the government is taking over banks and the entire economy…
Spring break is over! Oh wherever did it go?
I spent my spring break working. And to answer your question – yes, someone deigned to hire the most notoriously clumsy law student on earth. I think it’s because I carry napkins around and apologize profusely whenever the tumbler from hell spews coffee everywhere…1
My job is in the suburbs, so I spent a lot of time screaming singing and dancing to my playlist while driving. 2
Between the internship, school work, and the random-for-fun cases,3 I read over 100 cases this week. Yes, I am officially blind. Urkle, watch out!
I had an epiphany while reading case after case: there was some structure here, some reoccurring pattern… I thought for a second and almost shouted from my cubicle, “OH MY GOD THIS IS WHAT THEY MEANT BY IRAC!”
The court states the problem (issue), the applicable law (rule), applies the rule to the facts of the case (application), and then …yes, comes to a conclusion. Oh my god. Where was I during legal writing? I knew what the acronym stood for, but I didn’t truly understand how to apply it until this week. 4
And the beauty of IRAC is that it makes legal writing SO flipping easy and clean. It’s brilliant. Opinions are so much harder to read when the court doesn’t follow the “roadmap then IRAC” format.
I might be the last law student to get on the IRAC train, but hey, at least I got there eventually.5
Other thrills of my week included my room smelling like a swamp, finishing a non-legal book, going to the hot-ghetto-mess that is Popeye’s Chicken, and that No634 now has its own facebook page. I wonder how long it will take me to get to 10 fans!6
1 Apparently my ‘professional’ subscribers think this is hilarious because they aren’t furiously scrubbing coffee stains off of a pink H&M shirt…
2Yeah, I’m that guy…and people always wonder why I lose my voice after I drive…
3 Yes, I read cases for fun. Criminal, mental commitment, divorce, and parental termination cases are more bizarre than anything Grisham or Nancy Grace can throw at you. My favorite cases are from Iowa. Not because anything particularly interesting happens in Iowa, but because they use a large font, and double space.
4 I’m not an idiot, I swear. The excerpts of cases in our case books aren’t long enough to see a good example of the structure.
5 I over-thought it. In law school things aren’t as complicated as they first seem. It’s just the simple things in aggregate that look impressive… sort of like a lego castle.
6 That’s the threshold number for me to stop feeling silly for creating the page.
I went to work today to study.1 A deserted office building is a prime study spot: There are power outlets, clean restrooms, and orthopedically correct chairs. Holler.
I swiped into the building right behind a large man wearing highwaters. Of course we shared an elevator. The elevator door closed and the awkward began:
Highwater: “Is it always this happening on Saturdays?”
Me: “Pardon me?”
Highwater: “Saturdays. Is it always this busy?”
Me: “Busy? There were only two people in the lobby.”
Highwater: “I know! It’s usually never this busy! Well, unless there’s a party going on. It’s only this busy when a party’s going on.”
Me: “Hm. Really?”
Highwater: “Yeah, maybe there’s a party going on today.”
Me: “Maybe.”
(elevator door opens, we get out, highwater starts walking away.)
Highwater: “Yeah. There was a probably a party going on. A party I wasn’t invited to. Me not being invited to a party! Hard to believe isn’t it?”
I just stood in the hallway and watched him walk off. Did that just happen?
1 Meaning, I went to the building. I’m not on the clock.
I came home from work yesterday and opened my car trunk to fetch my laptop bag.
I love the trunk of my car. It’s clean and smells amazing because I spilled an entire bottle of febreeze in it…
In my trunk is a big plastic bin where I keep my car-stuff: windshield wiper fluid, sanitary wipes, car brush…etc.
The lid was off the bin and I noticed the label for the first time:
Now, if I had seen this last week I would have sat in the middle of my driveway and laughed. But after reading Termination of Parental Rights1 cases for the past week, I thought, “Oh, that label is a good idea!”
The thinking like a lawyer bit? I think that happened today.
1 Aka, real-life horror stories. Seriously. These cases are a hot mess… the parents are a mix of Amy Winehouse and 50 Cent, minus the record deals.
This was priceless. I think the court agrees.
Overconfidence can lead to incarceration. Despite being told that he was free to go, Darius Jones agreed to let police search his car. He, apparently, forgot that he was sitting on a bag of crack cocaine.
When police searched him, they found $1660 in his pockets, $3000 in his boots, and more cocaine in a knit pouch that was hidden inside his underwear. After the trial court denied his motion to suppress, Mr. Jones entered a no contest plea, and the trial court convicted him of possession of drugs.
The court later ordered the $4660 that he had at the time of his arrest to be forfeited. This Court affirms because Mr. Jones consented to the search of his car, and there was evidence to suggest that he used the $4660 to facilitate his possession of cocaine.
State v. Jones, 2009-Ohio-670. The full case is here. Emphasis (italics, bolding) is added.
I forgot to do last week’s recap: Week #7 was dominated by Fee Committee meetings and my spring brief (aka The Awful.) I also went to my first CLE class that week.
Researching and writing by brief was a lot of fun. What made the spring brief awful was how it terrorized my schedule.
The law school administration and professors seemed completely unaware that the 1L spring brief was due: professors piled on work and the school scheduled tons of ‘special lunchtime events.’
One of these events was a Minnesota Supreme Court oral argument. It was so poorly attended that ushers made us move towards the front so that the law school auditorium wouldn’t look as empty.
I’m glad I went – the Justices were hilarious:
Defendant’s Lawyer: “It wasn’t a long time ago when I was in this very same room but up there, watching these poor lawyers getting grilled…”
Justice: “Welcome back!”
Defendant’s Lawyer: “This is an instance where the Plaintiff’s are throwing everything against the wall and seeing what sticks.”
Justice: “But Plaintiffs get to that!”
There were several embarrassing moments for both attorneys:
Justice: “This thing you quote on the first page of your brief…I couldn’t find it anywhere in the record. What are you citing here?”
Plaintiff’s Lawyer: “Oh, well, that’s a post-it note in my kitchen.”
Justice: “What?”
Plaintiff’s Lawyer: “I took a call in my kitchen and I wrote notes down on a post-it note. It’s still in my kitchen.”1
Later, the Justices asked the plaintiff’s lawyer to find something else in the record.
Plaintiff’s Lawyer: “It’s in the Holiday Inn parking garage, your honor. I left my copy of the trial testimony in the car. I guess this is a lesson to the students of what to bring to court!”
Indeed.
The defendant’s attorney was also caught in an embarrassing moment when he was asked what the standard of review and procedural posture for the case was. The attorney artfully dodged the question, but one Justice would not let him get away without answering:
Justice: “Wait, you’re not answering my question. I want to hear you say it. What is the standard of review here?”
There was a Q&A session after the oral argument:
Student: “How do you decide who writes the briefs?”
Justice: “We arm wrestle!”
Female Justice: “And because we are females we always win!”
Female Justice #2: “Actually, we prefer Rock, Paper, Scissors.”2
Even though I could have dropped everything to work on my brief, I’m glad I made time to go to the oral argument and CLE class. My theory is that I’m going to be even busier as an attorney, so I can’t get into the habit of dropping obligations and routines every time life gets busy. I think that’s a bad habit to pick up in law school.
This past week felt like a vacation compared with the packed schedule of Week 7.
I forgot how pleasant and breezy law school is when I finish most of my reading the weekend before classes. Holler. I had no major obligations outside of Wednesday’s 6-hour Fee Committee meeting, so I had plenty of time to, well, sleep. I slept in 14-hour stretches. It was glorious.
Thursday was the day of The Crash, when my chair broke in class. It sent both me and a classmate to the floor. Hilarity ensued.
On Friday, it was apparent that half of the school started Spring Break early. Attendance was so bad in Crimlaw that the professor suspended the Socratic method and just asked for volunteers. I spent most of the class ignoring the rants of the other section and coding for the new layout.
And now I start my 1L spring break. Vöt!
1This is paraphrased but yes, the attorney cited a note in his kitchen. It was so shocking that I wasn’t sure I would write about it…
2 The Justices went on to say that the cases are preassigned at the beginning of each term. If a Justice does not have enough votes then the case goes to whomever feels most strongly about it, based on seniority.
It’s the day before spring break, and the attendance in Corporate law is sparse.1
Professor M: “Okay, well, I’m going to start calling, and we’ll see how this goes…”
I was prepared for a painful reenactment of Statutory Interpretation2, but the first person Professor M called on was actually here!
Professor M: “Hannah Shooty?”
Hannah: “Here. It’s Slew-tee.”
Professor M: “Mooty?”
Hannah: “Slew-tee.”
Professor M: “Su-tee? Smooty?”
Hannah: “Um..”
Professor M: “Shooy? Mooey? Um, how about Hannah! So Hannah, what happened in this case?”
1 A little under 2/3 of the class showed up.
2 Yes, Professor M taught Statutory Interpretation as well. Today’s exchange reminded me a lot of Professor L last semester. But, to be clear, the most ridiculous naming incident is still the JD-baby incident from Contracts…
This past week was hilarious for all the wrong reasons.
The week started with me randomly getting a car. I have never bought a car by myself before, so I didn’t know how long the financing process would take. I thought it would take a few weeks. It took about 10 minutes.
The gist:
Me: “Hi. I’m a law student who just got a job in the suburbs. Busing won’t cut it anymore, and I haven’t learned how to fly…”
Banker: “Got any cars in mind?”
Me: “Yep! I am eying a car at BigChain car dealership. It’s an Altima.”
Banker: “Do you have a number for the dealership?”
Me: “Yep. I filled out a form and Rick Salesman sent me an email, the number is 612-000-0000.”
Banker: “Please hold.”
Banker: “Okay. I’ve cleared everything with the car dealership. You’re approved for the loan. Just login to your online account and check “yes.” There is an e-check you can print out to get your car tonight.”
Me: “Wait, what? Tonight? Really?”
Banker: “Yep. Let me know if you have any problems.”
Click. I didn’t even have time to call mom before the car dealership called:
Salesman: “Hey, this is Rick Salesman from BigChain. We’ve emailed. I just talked to your bank.”
Me: “Uh…yeah…hi. Sorry about that. I didn’t think they were going to call you immediately…or even approve the loan that quickly.”
Salesman: “Yep. BigBank works quick.”
Me: “They sure do.”
Salesman: “So when are you coming to test drive?”
Me: “Well the problem is that I don’t have a car. So I have to find a ride…maybe tomorrow...”
Salesman: “Oh don’t worry about that. I’ll pick you up. You can test drive it back to the dealership. I’ll be there in 25 minutes.”
Yikes! I guess there isn’t a recession going on! Or, maybe so few people are buying that they are eager to sell to any non-sketchy person they can find. Hm. I really wanted the car, but I didn’t expect it to happen so quickly…
So I enjoyed the wonders of winter-car-ownership this week. Miami didn’t prepare me for any of this:
I learned a few things by reviewing this week’s tweets:
Lesson #1: Student Fees Committee = Hilarity.
Tweet (Feb 14): I think this fee committee paperwork deforested a small country…
Student fees committee hearings dominated last weekend. The public hearing is tomorrow.
I spent a good chunk of time today with the 4-inch-thick brick binder of fees proposals. I also printed off the majority and minority rationales. I probably deforested a small country in the process. Al Gore would not approve…
Last week’s student fees committee debate was “spirited” (in the Nancy Pelosi sense of the word.) Tomorrow’s hearing is going to be a case study in awkward.
Lesson #2: I’m way clumsier than anyone will ever know:
8:39 PM Feb 9th: Chamomile tea bag explosion … non verbal annoyance being expressed in library…
9:46 AM Feb 10th: I’m the one in the corner of the law library covered peanut shells.
8:11 AM Feb 11th: My cologne? It’s called “spilled” and from the House of Maxwell.
7:06 PM Feb 12th: I would break my glasses the night before a 9am interview wouldn’t I?
The left leg from my glass frame snapped Thursday night. This meant the bus ride to my job interview was a blurry affair. After the interview I went to LensCrafters and was robbed.
My salesperson kept telling me I was getting a “great deal” and “massive” discounts. I don’t believe him. The $400 charge on may have something to do with that. My wallet is still wincing.
Lesson #3: I’m smooth…sort of:
8:25 PM Feb 9th: soda cans open EXTRA LOUD in a library… I pull out the diet mountain dew and the girl across the way looks at me like “DON’T YOU DARE!”…
8:25 PM Feb 9th: The trick is to hold the soda can very low, open it, and then look around like, “who did that?”
Lesson #4: The library is a hot mess:
9:02 PM Feb 10th: I think someone is smoking in the law library… it’s a scented cigar(?) or…
11:25 AM Feb 11th: so he crashes into his seat, slams his books down, and starts picking his skin (and biting nails)… undergrad library = constant amusement
12:05 PM Feb 10th: is waiting for creepy [Wilson Library] Barista to go on break before I get coffee. He called me “sport” then “buddy”…what’s next? I’m scared.
