lol Archives - Memos and Mirth

Life

Quarantine

October 12, 2008

I may be a law student, but horror movies still make me gleeful like a 13-year-old. (“WOAH! That was ballin’-outrageous!” WOO!”)

I just saw the movie “Quarantine.” It was so scary that I think it ate a little bit of my soul…

The movie is about a camera crew that is embedded with a fire rescue unit. They respond to an emergency call in an apartment building where a rabies-like virus is turning everyone into flesh eating zombies.

And they, of course, are quarantined in said building.

The result is sheer terror.

“Hm…something is amiss in this here yonder…”

The woman exiting the theater in front of me summed it up perfectly:
Random woman (on her cell): “Girl, this is the scariest movie I’ve seen in my 29 years. I started crying. Seriously. I’m not playing! I’m never going to go to sleep again!”

The movie is shot in the Cloverfield style… think Cloverfield meets 28 Days Later. This movie does everything right. We have 20 minutes of character development so we care, then an interesting cast of characters (that aren’t the typical stock characters), and then, well, horror.

And the movie exploits the audience’s anticipation of events. Half the time I was dreading something, “OH NO, THE MONSTER IS GONNA GET UP! OH NO MAM! AHHH!!” and the other half of the time the terror just happened without warning. The pacing was great. Bla, bla, blasay, blablabla… the point is: terror. AH!

Now, (perhaps appropriately) I’m at the Freighthouse Café reading Torts…

OTR: Professor L & the two stoners

September 25, 2008

Professor L: *HACK* “Sorry, I have a cough drop in my mouth and the pieces are going everywhere…it’s actually pretty disgusting...So if I slur you know why…”
Professor L: “Why is my overhead font doing that?”
(the text on the overhead has gray highlighting)
Professor L: “Hm. Maybe this is signaling that dark economic days are here...And, I was joking earlier that I might cancel class until congress passes the bailout bill…”
Professor L: “Sometimes you have a concurring opinion which seems to differ entirely from the majority opinion. It’s like they’re saying, “I think the majority is a bunch of boneheads who somehow, in the dark, they stumbled upon the right answer.”
So we have two stoners…
Jack: “I think we could say that California is the state that has the most people who smoke pot right?”
Professor L: “I don’t know, I think Oregon can give them a run for their money…”
Ken: “Well, I’d like to differ from my colleague here…”
(Debate about the legality of pot ensues between Jack and Ken. An amused class listens.)
Jill: “So we have two stoners…”
What were we talking about again?
Student: “…and therefore, you can argue that marijuana, in aggregate, has a large impact on productivity and therefore affects interstate commerce.”
Professor L: “First thing to remember is always read your statute, because you’re talking about smoking pot and I asked you about handgun regulations… you guys don’t want to stop thinking about the pot…”

Law School / Life / on the record

On the Record: The Tiara

September 22, 2008

Last night at the clubhouse the drag queen MC found a victim…

Drag Queen: “Birthdays? Do we have any birthdays? Oh shit nevermind, we have someone with a tiara. Hi. What’s your name?”
Girl: “Chelsey.”
Drag Queen: “Chelsey. Look at her. Cute as a button. Why are you wearing a tiara? Don’t tell me it’s your birthday!”
Chesley: “It is my birthday!”
Drag Queen: “Oh lord. This is what they are doing for birthday nowadays? Don’t tell me you got that for your birthday… How old are you turning Chelsey?”
Chelsey: “Nineteen!”
Drag Queen: “Awe. Adorable. And did you get good presents?”
Chelsey: “Yes.”
Drag Queen: “…like what?”
Chelsey: “Uh, like this tiara!”
Drag Queen: “Christ. I knew it. Chelsey, let me give you some advice: Get better friends. They have you walking around here wearing a lame ass tiara...Have a happy birthday Chelsey, without drinks.”
And she wasn’t done yet…
Drag Queen: “Who do we have here in the front row? All these lovely ladies. Why don’t you have drinks? Wait, no one has a wristband…are you all too young?”
(they all nod, except one)
Drag Queen: “You’re the only one old enough and you’re not drinking? SHOOT, I’d rub their faces in it! But I guess you do need to have money to buy cocktails. Hm. That’s probably the problem…”

legal humor / the cases

May we blow up your house?

September 20, 2008

Yesterday at the Freighthouse, my housemate and I ran into a group of nursing students.
Future nurse: “Are you guys studying law or something?”
Housemate and I: “Yep! We are first years.”
Future nurse: “Ouch. Law School must be rough…”
Me: “No, law school is hilarious, actually.”
The nursing student looked at me like I was the most sarcastic asshole in the world.
Me: “No, seriously. Law school is hilarium. Really. Like, for example our assignments…”
I stopped because I realized it was useless to explain.

But, the reading, (aside from last Thursday’s contracts assignment) is actually interesting and frequently funny.

For example, the question in today’s reading involved a blowing up someone’s house on Christmas Eve…

Surocco v. Geary

Supreme Court of California, 1853.

MURRAY, CHIEF JUSTICE. This was an action, commenced in the court below, to recover damages for blowing up and destroying the plaintiff’s house and property, during the fire of the 24th of December, 1849.
And the biggest understatement of 1849…
… “The necessity of blowing up a house may not exist, or be as apparent to the owner, whose judgment is clouded by interest, and hope of saving his property…[but] the evidence in this case clearly establishes that the blowing up the house was necessary…”
Ie, “You may not thing think blowing up your house was necessary, but we do. Thou art the fail whale, and can’t recover. Goodbye.”

Life

PWNED!

September 19, 2008

My housemate and I are trying to study Torts at the Freighthouse.

But we can’t. There’s a piano in the second floor seating area, which I thought was for decoration…

…but about 15 minutes ago this couple began playing, very poorly.
(out of tune piano rattling)
My housemate: “OH MY GOD! These people are SO annoying!”
Voice from downstairs: “NO MORE PIANO!”
(snickers from downstairs)
(piano stops. The players stare at each other.)
Housemate: Thank god!
Me: (laughing and clapping)
(piano starts again)
Housemate: (moans) “I’m offended. I’ve been offended for the last ten minutes.”
Me: (laughing)
One of the baristas comes up from downstairs.
Barista (to the piano players): “I’m sorry. While this is, uh, really good music and all…I think you might have forgotten that there are other people in this café who …um… may not to care to hear your music. So please stop. Thanks.”
PWNED! Haha!

Now back to Torts…

*****
Later, while getting a refill:
Me: “Hey, were you the one who told them to stop?”
Barista: “Yes…”
Me: “Thank you! You’re my hero.”
Barista: “You’re the fourth person who has come down and told me that. You guys make me feel like less like an evil person.”

Housemate: “Yeah, some people just need a little nudge to realize that the world doesn’t love them and everything they do.”

legal humor / Life

The Study Carrel

September 16, 2008

Over the weekend I received an email from the library that said, “Hey, there are still study carrel’s available y’all!”

This was contrary to the story from orientation – “Oh, study carrels are in high demand and are awarded to students on journals and moot courts first. There are only a few, if any, available to first years. Go study on the first floor of the library like the homeless people.” [emphasis mine]

So I went to the library website at Dunnhouse this weekend to sign up for a carrel. Heck, why not?

I click the link in the email, enter my university username and password and receive a message: “ERROR you do not have sufficient rights to view this page. Library Intranet only, dumbass.” [emphasis mine, again.]

Then I remembered that our laptops came with a nifty VPN client – not that I actually know what a VPN client is – I just assumed that it would help me log into the intranet…

…and I’m pretty sure that’s what it does. I’m not really sure though because I launched the VPN client and well,
VPN: “Connecting…connecting… connecting… oh wait, no I’m not connecting… retry?”

VPN: “Connecting…connecting… hah, your ass is just going to have to the law school huh? Thou art the weakest link. Goodbye.”
Fine.

So yesterday, when I got to school, I got on the intranet and finally pulled up the carrel application. The cool thing about the application was that I could request a carrel location.
Me: “THIRD FLOOR NEAR THE BATHROOM!!! That would totally rock. K, thx.”
Around noon, I was sitting in room 25, which is my school’s big-honking-lecture room... You know, the one that fits all sections of the class with only a few people standing awkwardly along the edges…

We had Westlaw training. No one else was in the room, but I was 25 minutes early…and it was lunch so…

I check my email. I have a message from the library: “SUPER AWESOME-TIME ALERT: YOU RECEIVED A CARREL! PICK UP YOUR KEY NOW!”

Just then, ding ding ding, one of my housemates walks into the 25 room and graciously agrees to watch my stuff.

So I skip to the library and pick up my study carrel key. The excitement is palpable. El Yay. One of these much coveted (hah) carrels is mine! And my little envelope tells me it’s on the third floor! Gasp! Did I actually get my request?

Pfft. And how…
The carrel was on the third floor. And it was by the bathroom….

The problem was that it was that one carrel, by itself, awkwardly close to the bathroom. Like 7 feet from the bathroom door close…like poo-draft close.

I wanted a carrel near the bathroom…not in it.

This carrel, in addition to being close enough to hear people wipe, was right under the industrial AC vent. Drafts and smells!

When I approached my carrel I saw that here was an upperclassman sitting at it. She told me that it was her carrel last year.
Me: “Isn’t this REALLY close to the bathroom?”
Upperclassman: “Yeah! It was great! I was all up in everyone’s business!”
Erm…Yeah, no. That’s not going to work.

So I went back to the circulation desk with that classic 1L awkwardness,
Me: “Um, hi, I just got this carrel, and it’s great and all but, um…I was wondering, um… can I get another one? Specifically one in row 3414-3417?”
The librarian told me to come into her office. ACK.

Behind the desk at the library?! Gasp. I thought I was going to get chastised along the lines of, “BE GRATEFUL THAT WE CONDESCENDED TO GIVE YOU ANYTHING!”

But no. The librarian sits down, pulls out a chart, and says, “It’s great that you have a number so we can see more specifically what’s open!”

After the wave of relief passed I said, “Yeah, the other carrel is, um…right under the AC vent!”
Librarian: “Oh my, yeah. I understand. That’s not good at all! Actually one of the numbers you mentioned is open! Here’s your new key!”
Holleration!

I couldn’t visit my new carrel because it was 12:25 by now and Westlaw had started. I run back to the 25 room, expecting to be awkwardly-late-dude…

And I get there…and hah, it was just my two housemates sitting together near my stuff.
Housemate #1: “Yeah, so apparently Westlaw was canceled this week.”
Oops. And apprently we were the only ones not to get that memo. At least I got a carrel!

legal humor / Life

Why I love law school

September 13, 2008

10 minutes into my conversation with WestLaw’s help line:
Me: “OH, you know, I just realized why this is so hard for me to find. I’m supposed to be looking at the Restatement of Contracts, not the UCC!”
Westlaw Help Tech: (cackling)
Me: “HEY! I’m a 1L. This is my defense. Mess ups like this are my life right now.”
Westlaw Help Tech: “No, no, no” (snort) “I completely understand, ahaha.”

0L / legal humor

Law School Humor

June 26, 2008

I’m sure someone must have posted these already, but, these videos made my day. They are from the NYU Law Revue and well, absolutely brilliant.

The first one is a musical on law library etiquette.

The second is about the Barbri girl.