I am exhausted. I spent the majority of the today driving around town buying things for a redesign of my second bedroom. I went to Wal-Mart, Home Depot, two Targets, and made three trips to Ikea.
Yes, three trips to Ikea.
On the first trip I bought a huge mirror and plants, so I couldn’t carry much else. I still needed a futon cover, but I figured that I could get that from Wal-Mart or Target.
I renewed my tabs today during lunch at work. This was on my to-do list since January (when they expired) and I randomly decided to get it done today.
Which is why I was relieved when the police lights lit up behind my car this evening. I thought I got pulled over for cutting through Wal-Mart parking spaces, but apparently I forgot to signal while in the turn lane for Wal-Mart.
I just had a long, amusing day.
Yesterday, I got home from work around midnight.
Working long or odd hours usually isn’t a problem for the dog, unless he has an upset stomach.
So of course, when I open my apartment door I immediately smell that this is one of those nights where Harley made a bullmastiff-sized welcome home surprise.
I let the dog out of the kennel and he skips off to his food bowl. I then grab a trash bag, paper towels, and the bleach.
The little kennel-disaster made me forget about my parking situation: I parked in the nearby business parking lot again because the plan was to just quickly get the dog and move the car.
Now, some of you remember that the last time I parked in that lot, I saw a shooting and had to run from the shooter. And you’d think I would have learned my lesson, but I didn’t. Obviously.
So I finish scooping all of nast out of the kennel and stand up just in time to see a tow truck flying down the street towards my car!
I drop the trashbag full of dog-mess, grab Harley’s leash, and then flee the building like I just saw bejeweled crocs. I run across the street with the dog dragging behind me, waiving my arms – “STOOOOOOOP DON’T TOW MEEEEEEH! I’M A POOR LAW STUDENT!”
I look pathetic enough for the tow truck driver to let me off the hook.
Tower: “I didn’t have you hooked up yet, so you can go.”
Me (gasping): “Thank you, I was just getting my dog……and uh, thank you!”
The tow truck driver’s girlfriend glares at me from the truck. I wink.1
The closest parking space is a few blocks away. I park, walk the dog back to the apartment, chuck the trash bag of surprises, and then decide that it is a good time to go to Wal-Mart since my apartment reeks of bleach and dog poop.
So Harley and I walk back to the car, and go to Wal-Mart.2
What I really needed from Wal-Mart was canned food. I eat mostly fresh food, but once in-a-while I use canned vegetables. And canned vegetables are one of those things best bought in bulk, from Wal-Mart, in the middle of the night…sort of like tiolet paper.
So of course all of the canned-food isles are “closed for waxing” and I was the guy randomly buying nothing but dog treats at 1 a.m.
At least Harley didn’t seem to mind…
1 Now who the heck called my car in at midnight?
2Wal-Mart is by my job actually, so there was a LOT of backtracking that night.
For the past month, large stacks of boxes and plastic wrap have dominated my apartment. I always had something better to do than unpack and clean (Finals, petitioning, not petitioning, working…etc.) so I never felt fully moved in.1
And it was annoying.
So this weekend I decided to do something about it:
And yes, I’m sick of Target, Home Depot and Ikea. Neither I or my wallet want to hear from those stores for a while.
My two favorite things are the fuzzy grass-like2 carpet:
And these guys, who I got from Wal-Mart:
The bug-eyed stuffed birds bring amuse me. I always mimic their deer-in-the-headlights look when I see them.
My dog however, has not been amused by my decorating and cleaning activities. He’s totally convinced that the vacuum’s sole purpose is to scare him…
…and he’s probably right.3
1 There was always something I didn’t have yet like oven mits, lamps, power cords, rugs, etc.
2 It doesn’t look dirty in real-life. I swear. It just photographs funny.
3 He always runs out of the room or hides in his crate when I start the vac… my downstairs neighbors probably think I’m OCD or something…
I’m looking at furniture at Wal-Mart while wearing my work clothes1 when this odd looking guy walks by me. He looks either mentally handicapped, high, or both…so of course he stops and talks to me.
Goon: “Hey, you work here?”
Me: “Uh…no.”
Goon: “What’s THAT then?”
Me: “Oh, my work badge from my actual job.”
Goon: “Oh, have you been to the club2 across the street?”
Me: “Yeah…”
Goon: “Will I see you there tonight?”
Me thinking: NO NO NO
Me: “Uh… maybe.”
Maybe is Minnesotan for “oh hell no.”
1 gray slacks, argyle sweater, black shoes. 2 He’s referring to Townhouse, St. Paul’s oldest gay bar…conveniently located across the street from Wal-Mart.
Sunday, before Stella and I worked on our ADR assignment (which took forever) we went to the Mall of America1 and Wal-Mart.
MOA = hilarity. But since it is impolite to take pictures of the NUMEROUS goth kids wearing black bat and kitty ears (I kid you not) we had to settle for the Hollister mannequin, who was flashing the entire mall:
This is the first time that I realize how hobo-chic Hollister is. The mannequins both look like they’d smell and ask for a quarter. Hm.
After the mall we went to Wal-Mart. We found some gi-normous tea cups!
Okay, okay. This is actually a flower pot. I want a Starbucks one.
After Wal-Mart we went to Wilde Roast and spent a minute on the ADR assignment. It was long-ish, and the in-class ADR simulation is tomorrow. We’ll see how that goes!
1 Cheapest mall trip every by-the-way. I spent $4 on a keychain and Stella spent $4 on a too-tight headband at Forever 21. Our primary reason to go to the mall was so that I could get my watch shortened and so Stella could scream at Version for her $100 mystery charge on her phone bill.
I have noticed a drastic improvement of the quality of generic Wal-Mart products. I wasted $17 at Target diffuser.1 It’s the one on the left:
I bought the smaller diffuser on the right for $6 at Wal-Mart, and I’m overwhelmed with freshness every time I enter my room.2 I just keep the Target diffuser around for decoration now.
The quality of all Wal-Mart groceries has improved as well and my wallet are all about it. Viva la Wal-Mart!
1 It only diffused the money from my wallet.
2 So, for full disclosure, it helps when you accidentally knock over said diffuser and spill the scented oil everywhere – BUT – the diffuser was also very powerful before the spill.
– At Wal-Mart there was a screaming fight at the cash register: A herd of black women were screaming at a small Hispanic girl for “TAKIN THAT BUGGY WIT AN ATTITUDE” “BITCH I’LL TAKE YOU SHIT AND THROW IT ON DA GROUN! THAT BITCH NEED TO BE SMACKED!”
– We spent all of Friday night painting with Aparna till 9am. She had to do this huge banner and no one was there to help her. I kept spilling things everywhere.
– Halloween in South Beach and then clubbing. I was grotesque: zombie makeup with black base fake blood, ripped jeans. Thriller, thriller yeah. We ran into some UM people in the parking garage, hey!
– TGIFriday’s, accounting drama, The Morgue and police drama. We live in the dorms okay?
– A Turkish restaurant masquerading as a German one (we left since the one girl didn‘t get a menu), then the other German restaurant was closed, so we ended up in downtown Coral Gables at Fritz & Franz’s Bier Haus… nasty rank bathroom, brown jokes, messy middle aged blonds, and voiceovers….
– Nacho adventure… okay, see, it’s not Taco Bell without Nachos…we went to like three or four Bell’s – ended it in Little Havana “Okay what you want!?” – nothing but men-women in the cars that night. All the time.
– Party Monster with Joe at Kali’s… not that awkward, and I got animal cracker cookie.
– Downtown Miami excursion with JHR, then deep Kendall – welcome.
– Lyle likes to play “Jump the Tracks” on Bird Road. Bowling night – horrible average for me.
