The bullmastiff-sized surprise

Yesterday, I got home from work around midnight.

Working long or odd hours usually isn’t a problem for the dog, unless he has an upset stomach.

So of course, when I open my apartment door I immediately smell that this is one of those nights where Harley made a bullmastiff-sized welcome home surprise.

I let the dog out of the kennel and he skips off to his food bowl. I then grab a trash bag, paper towels, and the bleach.

The little kennel-disaster made me forget about my parking situation: I parked in the nearby business parking lot again because the plan was to just quickly get the dog and move the car.

Now, some of you remember that the last time I parked in that lot, I saw a shooting and had to run from the shooter. And you’d think I would have learned my lesson, but I didn’t. Obviously.
So I finish scooping all of nast out of the kennel and stand up just in time to see a tow truck flying down the street towards my car!
I drop the trashbag full of dog-mess, grab Harley’s leash, and then flee the building like I just saw bejeweled crocs. I run across the street with the dog dragging behind me, waiving my arms – “STOOOOOOOP DON’T TOW MEEEEEEH! I’M A POOR LAW STUDENT!”

I look pathetic enough for the tow truck driver to let me off the hook.

Tower: “I didn’t have you hooked up yet, so you can go.”
Me (gasping): “Thank you, I was just getting my dog……and uh, thank you!”

The tow truck driver’s girlfriend glares at me from the truck. I wink.¹

The closest parking space is a few blocks away. I park, walk the dog back to the apartment, chuck the trash bag of surprises, and then decide that it is a good time to go to Wal-Mart since my apartment reeks of bleach and dog poop.

So Harley and I walk back to the car, and go to Wal-Mart.²

What I really needed from Wal-Mart was canned food. I eat mostly fresh food, but once in-a-while I use canned vegetables. And canned vegetables are one of those things best bought in bulk, from Wal-Mart, in the middle of the night…sort of like tiolet paper.

So of course all of the canned-food isles are “closed for waxing” and I was the guy randomly buying nothing but dog treats at 1 a.m.

At least Harley didn’t seem to mind…

¹ Now who the heck called my car in at midnight?
²Wal-Mart is by my job actually, so there was a LOT of backtracking that night.