It’s Wednesday!
I listen to Pandora at work, and I’m pretty good at ignoring the advertisments, but this Glee photoshop disaster caught my eye.
Click the image for a closer view of this messitude:
Judd and I went to Davanni’s Pizzeria in Uptown Minneapolis last night.
We walk into the pizzeria and there is a busty, middle-aged woman standing in front of the ordering counter near the door.
Busty looks upset and a little crazy, so of course she comes up and talks to us:
I sleep with my window open.
I want to say this has something to do with “enjoying the Minnesota summer” but the truth is that my bedroom window has been stuck open for a few months and I’m too lazy to call the maintenance people.
Last night I regretted not getting that stupid window fixed because around 2am someone started shooting.
I left work late, so the only street parking was a few blocks away.
When I got out of my car I noticed someone peering from the dirty white car across the street – it was Terry, the toothless man who sleeps in his car.
I nodded politely but Terry just kept giving me this blank-yet-rabid-stare. I could sense his eyes following me as I walked down the block…ugh.
After getting home and walking the dog, I realize that I left my laptop in my car. I decide that it is more prudent to fetch the computer than to explain to the cops why I left a laptop in a car parked next to a crazed semi-homeless man.
So I’m re-reading DGCL § 141 in a hospital room when the doctor knocks on the door. He comes in and I realize that I really lucked out ala Dr. Doug Ross.
Dr. Dashing: “Hello, I’m Dr. Dashing. So you got a shot in the back?”
Me: “Yep.”
Dr. Dashing: “And where were you treated for that?”
Me: “Uh…here, well, I mean, at this hospital, over yonder in the E.R.”
Dr. Dashing: “I see.”
A nerve popped up on Dr. Dashing’s forehead. He flashed the big Minnesota “I’m annoyed” smile.
Dr. Dashing: “So I’m here to take out the bullet?”
Me: “Oh, no the E.R. took that out last week. I just need my stitches taken out!”
Dr. Dashing: “They what?”
He then lost it:
Dr. Dashing: “Yeah, we have been having some internal governance problems. See, THIS is the trauma clinic. I am a trauma surgeon. THEY over there in the ER are not the trauma surgeons. You received a bullet wound in your thorax so you should have been treated here! I mean, I assume they would have called us had anything gone wrong…”
Dr. Not-so-Dashing stopped his rant when he saw the “woah there skipper…” look on my face. After partaking in a moment of awkward silence, the doctor excused himself and fetched a nurse to take out my stitches…
So, I was working on a practice exam for tomorrow’s final when Harley walks up to me, sniffs my knee, and then walks to the wall and PEES ON IT.
I had an Alley McBeal hallucination moment where I saw myself screaming “FALAFEL!!” and lunging at him. I know that’s random…and actually, it might have been more productive because when I started to scold him the started running to the sofa…
…the only problem was that Harley was NOT DONE PEEING! So I chased him throughout the apartment yelling at him to turn off the faucet. Dis-aster.
I just wanted to concentrate on Mens Rea and not slash around in a pee slip-n-slide!
After mopping and spraying down the entire apartment, I grabbed the dog, threw him in the car, and booked it to Wal-Mart.
Harley’s now the proud new owner of a kennel.
He goes in there willingly so half the battle is over. I’m super-excited that I can leave books out now without the fear shredding.
Horrah!…now back to Mens Rea…
There is a semi-sketchy Chinese restaurant in Jamie’s neighborhood that he has wanted to try for a while. We finally went yesterday.
The hostess was lopsided and creepy. The decorations were dated. The buffet was sparse and unfresh…so we opted for the menu…Jamie went to the restroom to wash his hands and came back with a massive grin:
Jamie: “You should go to the restroom before the food comes. Seriously. I strongly encourage it. Do you have your camera?”1
I couldn’t resist. I went to the restroom and saw THIS posted on the door:
And in case you weren’t sure: YES that is a picture of a banana-bearing monkey sitting on a toilet.
Hilarity. It made the entire trip worth it.
1 Yes, I usually carry a digital camera. Some things, like Mr. Banana here, have to be documented.
Tonight Jamie will host a meeting for his softball team. He wants to serve cocktails, so we went to the liquor store.
We are near the refrigerated beer aisle when I say,
Me: “Why bother with Cocktails? You should just get some Milwaukee’s Best! It’s classy.”
And of course there was a toothless semi-homeless man nearby, and of course he started talking to me:1
Toothless: “What’s wrong with Milwaukee’s Best?!”
Me: “Nothing. It’s the business.”
Toothless: “That’s right!”
Toothless then goes to the end of the aisle and says,
Toothless: “Come here. Let me rock you world.”
A homeless man offering to rock my world? I couldn’t resist!
I walk over to the fridge, and Toothless pulls out a 20-ounce beer can of some trashy brand I’ve never heard of.
Toothless (holding the can of TrashLite): “You see this stuff? It’s only $1.34. You see the Coors? It’s $2.88! It’s over a dollar more! AND! Look!”
Me: “Oh, it’s 11% alcohol.”
Toothless: “Exactly. Get two of them and it’ll F-ya-up on the cheap.”
Me: “I’ll keep that mind.”
The toothless man grabbed a few cans of TrashLite and started walking off.
Toothless (Calling back to me): “Trust me! It’ll rock your world! Drink two of them tonight and call me in the morning! You’ll tell me I’m right.
Me: “Will do!”2
1 A rule of life is that bloggers attract The Crazy. Every time.
2 And no, I did not buy any TrashLite Beer.
While studying with Jamie:
Me: “What the..”
Jamie: “What?”
Me: “No. Fail!”
Ganter v. Kapiloff
The brothers Leonard and Bernard Kapiloff are philatelists [stamp collectors]. In approximately 1976 they purchased two sets of stamps from Robert A. Siegel, Inc., a New York corporation dealing in postage stamps. That the stamps are of considerable value is reflected by their advertised price, $150,400.00.
As far as the brothers knew, those stamps remained in their possession until February 1, 1983. On that date Bernard Kapiloff saw an advertisement, in a nationally circulated catalogue, offering the stamps for sale. He contacted the alleged owner, Robert L. Ganter, and demanded return of the stamps. The demand was refused.
The Kapiloffs notified the Federal Bureau of Investigation, and that agency took physical possession of the stamps from J. & H. Stolow, another New York stamp dealer. The stamps had been consigned to Stolow by Ganter, who asserted that they were his property.
Okay, problem #1: They bought stamps for $150,000?! In 1976-dollars?!
Problem #2 is how Ganter found the stamps:
Ganter related in a deposition that he acquired the stamps by finding them in a dresser he had purchased for thirty dollars in a used furniture store. The purchase was made, according to Ganter, in “the spring or summer of 1979 or 1980.” When he “took the drawers out and started spraying [them] for roaches,” Ganter “found a bunch of newspapers, magazines and the stamps.” The stamps were in a glassine envelope and “looked very official” because they were accompanied by a certificate with “maybe a gold label on it.” No appraisal of the stamps was sought by Ganter at that time because he had “no particular interest in the stamps.” Subsequently, he visited someone in New York City who suggested the stamps be appraised. At Thanksgiving time 1982 Ganter took the stamps to the Stolow Auction House and was told that they were “a rather sensational find.”
The find wasn’t so sensational because the court made Ganter give the stamps back to the Kapiloff brothers.
What I don’t understand is how someone can drop 150k on stamps and then shove the stamps in an old dresser. What’s the point? They didn’t even notice that the stamps were gone for six years.
I think spending more than a dollar on a stamp is silly, but if you bought a set of stamps, put them in a display case and gazed at them lovingly every day…well, then that’s still crazy, but at least it’s not an utter waste of money. Fail Kapiloffs. Fail whale fail.
Ganter v. Kapiloff, 69 Md. App. 97 (Md. Ct. Spec. App. 1986)
I forgot to mention the cat crap! The Mountaineering store by school had a box of “Cat Crap” on the counter:
It’s lens cleaner. I’ve never heard of it, but it sounds like the biggest brand-naming fail since Athlete’s Foot.
I went to Frank’s Hotdogs last night and had a chat with the owner (?) she’s a middle aged lady with several kids:
Owner: “So where ya from?”
Me: “I moved from Miami this past August.”
Owner: “OH MY GOD! You poor thing! You must think we’re crazy to live out here in this cold!”
Me: “Oh, it’s not that bad. It’s all about dressing appropriately…”
And then I wake up this morning and check the weather…
And the horror continued as I scrolled down the page…
…um.
Now there are SEVERAL problems with this.
Problem #1: The “feels like” temperature for today is -30.
I cannot fathom. Seriously. I cannot… but, I will have to because I have a torts final in an hour.
Problem #2: “Dangerous” wind chill of -40.
How fast is this wind blowing? 20, or maybe 30mph. I walk to school. Over the Mississippi. On this long-ass bridge:
Problem #3: (and this is the kicker) for tomorrow the high is -18. The description says, “bitterly cold.”
Dear weather channel.com: you’ve set me back a full 10 minutes because I have wrap my mind around this fuckery.
If -18 is bitterly cold…what the heck do you call today’s “feels like” -30?
They haven’t come up with a word have they? You sent Timmy the Intern outside to feel the -30 and he never came back! Timmy, I have your back. I’ll never forget!
Now there is a positive to all of this: I’m so preoccupied with being offended at the weather (and the weather channel.com!) that the final is not even a remote concern.
And yet another crime email from the U of M police…apparently this attack left someone partially blind:
In mid-October, a University of Minnesota student was the victim of an unprovoked attack just off campus that resulted in severe and permanent injury. Despite an extensive investigation by Minneapolis Police, no arrests have been made in the case. Now, Minneapolis Police Investigators are asking the University community for assistance or additional information that may help generate new leads. The facts are as follows:
On Sunday, October 12 between 2:15 and 2:30 a.m. a University of Minnesota student and a friend were walking westbound on University Avenue at 18th Avenue. They were on their way to get something to eat and neither had been consuming alcohol that night.
As they walked, the two passed a group of approximately five to 12 black males and black females. The students and the group did not speak to each other.
After passing the group, one of the males came up behind the student and punched him on the side of his head knocking him to the ground. While the student was on the ground, a second suspect from the group approached as if offering to help him up. Instead, the
second suspect punched or kicked the student in the head, again knocking him to the ground and into a lane of traffic on University Avenue. The large group then ran and two or three of the suspects got into a car that was parked southbound on 18th Avenue. The car
was described as a white Dodge Neon four-door, possibly a 1997 to 1999 model year.
Unfortunately, witness descriptions of the suspects are less than complete. One suspect is described as a black male wearing a white t-shirt and jeans. Another suspect is described as a black male, approximately five feet, ten inches tall with long dreadlocks and possibly wearing a baseball cap and jeans. One of the women in the group was described as heavyset. All of the suspects in the group were 18 to 21 years old.
The random nature of the assault and the brutality displayed is especially unsettling. As a result of the attack, the victim has permanently and completely lost vision in one of his eyes. Anyone with information about the assault is urged to contact Officer Bill Kenow of the Minneapolis Police Department Assault Unit. Officer Kenow can be reached at 612-919-9005 or William.kenow@ci.minneapolis.mn.us.
Crime Stoppers is offering a reward of up to $1,000 for information leading to an arrest in this case.
Thank you in advance for any assistance you can offer.
Housemate #1 and I are sitting in the living room, watching late night TV.
Housemate #2 is sleeping on the Lazy Boy, but then suddenly wakes up.
Me: Good morning sunshine!
Housemate #2 says nothing, gets up, and then walks towards the foyer.
I then hear water.
Me: “OH MY GOD HE IS TOTALLY TAKING A PISS!”
Housemate #1: “WH-WHAT?!”
Housemate #2 comes out of the foyer and walks off into the kitchen area.
Housemate #1 and I go inspect the foyer. Sure enough #2 took a leak inside the house.
I’m so shocked that I can’t stop saying “wow…wow…” but housemate #1 is livid and writes a “wtf is wrong with you?! Don’t you EVER EVER EVER EVER EVA do that again!” email.
And since, #2 is never going to believe that he did such a thing… here’s the proof.
I just received a twitter…
Marijn1 @dennisjansen: “Smile your on dutch television some guy that is called Dennis Jansen ripped off some people with sick pets.”
I don’t know how bad the pet scam in the Netherlands was…but it’s safe to say that my name still isn’t as infamous as…say, “Ashley Dupre” or “Scott Peterson”…
Erik, Jessica, and I went to the clubhouse last night and I was mortified.
Me: “Oh my goodness. Minneapolis is so unnecessary in this here yonder. All of this is unnecessary.”
Erik & Jessica: “WELCOME TO MINNESOTA!”
What exactly, was unnecessary? Well, we are in the hiphop room and there’s the shirtless guy with the full back tattoo. He’s flopping on the floor, pants dropping, man-thong showing. Everyone is laughing. Or sighing in disgust. Or both.
A fight erupts between two girls in the back of the dancefloor. (Assault and battery!) Then there’s the subsequent rush of five obese bouncers.
Back tattoo guy is now up, and latching onto a random girl. The bouncers can’t find the fighters because the fight has spilled out of the room.
Then there was the 7-foot tall drag queen. Fergie as performed by the black barbie, and our favorite, convincing blonde. Well, she was convincing until Jessica got a good look at her….but anyway…
People were pretty ridiculous in Miami. But Minneapolis is a new level of messy, and, well…unnecessary.
And you KNOW I took some pictures:
Housemate #1 stumbles in, screams “Wee!” and collapses onto the couch.
Housemate #1: “I’m going to f-up everyone in this house. I’m going to kill everyone and use their skin for my book covers. I like book covers…especially when they are made of people’s skin. Can I kill you now?
She then goes upstairs. A few minutes later another housemate comes down…
Housemate #2: Apparently we need to lock our doors tonight because [housemate #1] is on a murderous rampage. Especially you guys. You have balls.
I spent a chunk of my weekend reading for contracts. The contracts cases are interesting they contain plot twists equal to Law & Order and Maury.
For example, this short case was assigned:
Kirksey v. Kirksey
(Ala. 1845)
The plaintiff was the wife of defendant’s brother, but had for some time been a widow, and had several (about 9) children. In 1840, the plaintiff resided on public land, under a contract of lease, she had held over, and was comfortably settled, and would have attempted to secure the land she lived on. The defendant resided in Talladega county, some sixty, or seventy miles off. On the 10th October, 1840, he wrote to her the following letter:
“Dear Sister Antillico–Much to my mortification, I heard, that brother Henry was dead, and one of his children. I know that your situation is one of grief, and difficult…
* * *
I do not know whether you have a preference on the place you live on, or not. If you had, I would advise you to obtain your preference, and sell the land and quit the country, as I understand it is very unhealthy, and I know society is very bad. If you will come down and see me, I will let you have a place to raise your family, and I have more open land than I can tend; and on the account of your situation, and that of your family, I feel like I want you and the children to do well.”
Within a month or two after the receipt of this letter, the plaintiff abandoned her possession, without disposing of it, and removed with her family, to the residence of the defendant, who put her in comfortable houses, and gave her land to cultivate for two years, at the end of which time he notified her to remove, and put her in a house, not comfortable, in the woods, which he afterwards required her to leave.
——–
What a jerk, right?
And the court told the poor widow that she was out of luck. Gasp.
I was confused. This seemed horribly unfair. Some of the notes after the case pointed me towards a Georgetown Law review article that examined the history of the Kirksey case. I read the article and learned that the story is far more complicated and colorful than what’s in the casebook…
It turns out that BOTH of the Kirkseys were involved in shady real estate transactions.
At the time, the Alabama government was selling 160 acres of land to squatters at $1.25 an acre. The defendant already owned a huge plantation so he was ineligible for the discounted rate. He convinced widow Kirksey, his sister in law, to act as a placeholder for him so he could get the land on the sly.
These placeholder deals were common but illegal. The widow objected to being shoved off the land because she wanted the title for herself.
So basically, the “poor widow” moved on the land as part of a scheme to defraud the government. Widow Kirksey then tried to throw her coconspirator under the bus, and failed.
Hm.
Another case, also part of the contracts reading, involved a child custody suit. A man (Wright) assumed parental responsibility for his girlfriend’s son. Wright knew he wasn’t the father, but he put his name on the child’s birth certificate and played dad.
Wright and the girl split up. She wants child support. He pulls a Maury classic: “THAT AINT MY KID!”
Court says:
Wright’s commitment to Newman (the girlfriend) to assume the obligations of fatherhood as regards her son are enforceable. Specifically, it is abundantly clear that Wright should have known that Newman would rely upon his promise, especially after he undertook for ten years to fulfill the obligations of fatherhood. In this regard, it could hardly have escaped Wright’s notice that Newman refrained from seeking to identify and obtain support from the child’s biological father while Wright was fulfilling his commitment to her. Moreover, Newman did in fact rely upon Wright’s promise, to her detriment when, ten years after he undertook the obligations of fatherhood, Wright reneged on his promise.
Trying to disown a kid after 10 years. What a jerk right?
Well, actually the dissenting opinion had an interesting little nugget of information:
In fact, Wright contends, and Newman does not refute, that Newman severed the relationship and all ties with Wright when the child was approximately three years old. For approximately the next five years, until the child was eight, Newman and Wright did not communicate. Only for the past two years has Wright visited with the child. Importantly, Wright contends that during the past seven years he did not support the child.
What the hey? You don’t kick your man out and then demand that he support another man’s child 7 years later.
The majority opinion made it seem like Wright played father for a decade and then tried to dip. Turns out, Wright was booted out early on, hasn’t supported the kid since he got the boot, AND the mother, “has not alleged, nor does the record reveal, that she does not know the identity of the natural father, nor does she show that the natural father is dead or unable to be found.”
Not even Maury would let this one fly.
Go bother your real baby’s daddy.
