On the Record: The Best of Torts

For those of you, who though law school would be boring, here are the best snippets from my prof today*,
“So it’s convenient for hypos to have the kid say, “I like to see little old ladies fall on the ground!”
“How many preschool kids pull chairs from under others? Lots. Why? Because it’s funny. It’s funny to watch people fall on the ground.”
“What about Ruth!? SHE’S DEAD!”
“The A.L.I.? We are a bunch of lawyers, and judges, and professors, and we get together once a year at a big convention. It usually conflicts with opening of fishing season so I don’t go.”
“So we have a new dean. I’ve already gotten on a bad foot with the new dean. So I have to do what you do when you get on a bad foot with a new dean… I roll a hand grenade into his office.”
“Let me rephrase the question, what is the expected outcome when I roll a hand grenade into a small enclosed space with people in it?”
“What happens when I see the new dean across the parking lot? Hundreds of feet away? And I say that there’s no way I can hit him…and of course I throw the rock and fell him like an ox….”
“And the defendant said, “Assault and battery! You betcha! But good! And by the way the statute of limitations is up!”
Prof: “What do we call when a person dies from having a chair pull from under them?”
Student: “Misfortunate?”
“So what do we do with shy people? We humiliate them! I mean, I’m not the subject of friendly, unsolicited hugs.”
“Today we take that kind of friendliness to be sexual harassment in the workplace.”
“I’m moving this chair to demonstrate my capacity to move a chair. And you are impressed.”
“Whenever there’s a buffet I always find it convenient to just pull my chair up so I don’t have to move around.”
*most of these were said in jest.