The Graces

I left work late, so the only street parking was a few blocks away.

When I got out of my car I noticed someone peering from the dirty white car across the street – it was Terry, the toothless man who sleeps in his car.

I nodded politely but Terry just kept giving me this blank-yet-rabid-stare. I could sense his eyes following me as I walked down the block…ugh.

After getting home and walking the dog, I realize that I left my laptop in my car. I decide that it is more prudent to fetch the computer than to explain to the cops why I left a laptop in a car parked next to a crazed semi-homeless man.

I tell Harley that we are going on a second walk, and start downstairs.
Three long-haired women are sitting on the steps in front of the building. They are completely blocking the stairway, which has rails on either side.
The one on the left is morbidly obese, the one in the center is chubby, and the one on the right is normal-sized.

None of them budge.
The normal-sized one starts cooing over the dog – “Oh how sweet!” – etc.
As Normal is cooing, Chubby and Obese start making out. So I’m standing there, blocked in, watching these two unsightly women playing tonsil hockey.
And Normal felt inspired, because she leans over and STARTS KISSING THE DOG. On the lips!

So I’m standing, agasp, with NO idea what to do. This isn’t a funny situation like the last time some random person made out with my dog. This was kind of scary. These women were crazy.

The spit-fest continues for a few more minutes before Normal gets bored and lets me pass.

I pass the trollopes and walk down to the street, thoroughly disgusted. The dog is wagging his tail like a pimp, and I let out a Charlie-Brown style ARG! that I’m sure the women could hear over the slurping.

Brownie points for those of you who caught the title.

Terry-the-toothless is asleep when I fetched my laptop. And thankfully the women are gone by the time I come back to the apartment building.