Menu
Law School / legal humor / on the record

Another day in Torts

Professor T: “What do you think student? Why did she sue when she didn’t have a cause of action?”
Student: “Money, money, money mooooney!” (yes, he sang the Apprentice theme song).
Professor T: “During cross examination you can ask a leading question. And what a leading question does is makes you walk off a cliff one step at a time.”
Professor T: “And while you’re cross examining you have the deposition there, and if they say something inconsistent with the deposition you highlight it and make them read it back to you, so they are perjuring themselves… and then you BEAT THEM ACROSS THE HEAD AND SHOULDERS WITH IT!”
Professor T: “…and since nothing good can ever happen from talking to the police… you should just walk away!”
Professor T: “So you walk into a store with Jane, and I say, “If you don’t go into the back room with me I’ll shoot Jane’s dog. Is that false imprisonment?”
Student: “I don’t like dogs. So no.”
Later…

Professor T : “Well, Jack may be a very sensitive person who is concerned with the wellbeing of Sarah, but the rest of us may regard Sarah’s fate with supreme disinterest…”

3 Comments

  • D.
    September 16, 2008 at 12:27 am

    “so they are perjuring themselves… and then you BEAT THEM ACROSS THE HEAD AND SHOULDERS WITH IT!”

    i can imagine someone saying that. I love it!

    Reply
  • guyfawkesday
    September 16, 2008 at 10:33 am

    I know you have your own style and all, but I was hoping for some more Prof. Son of a Bitch-type quote posts out of this torts guy. Here’s how to do it:

    1. give him a nickname. Prof. T will not work, it has to be something mildly clever.
    2. one quote per post. Do this even if you have to write the rest down in your notes and save them for later. This will help ensure a steady stream of the best quotes from your guy.
    3. only post the most cutting, sarcastic, and mean-spirited quotes you get.

    This guy is funny, but I’m telling you, you could make him into a LEGEND! You know, a law student blog legend.

    Reply
  • dennisjansen
    September 16, 2008 at 3:57 pm

    Haha, I think that only works if the blogger is anonymous, which, I’m not.

    1. People in my section/class read this blog, and I wouldn’t want to create a caricature of the prof.

    2. I have him (at least) four times a week, so I doubt I’ll run out of qoutes.

    3. And, back to the caricature comment, my professor isn’t mean-spirited at all. Most of the lines are delivered in jest. Minnesota Nice remember?

    Reply

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.