As someone with a print journalism and design background, this amused me endlessly:
As someone with a print journalism and design background, this amused me endlessly:
Professor M tells us what ideal alumni are:
Jack: “…and the CEO donated $50,000 to Stanford in return for a professor giving a talk.”
Professor M: “Exactly! $50,000 is a pretty sweet deal for a talk. These are the alumni law schools like to have. So pay attention to this case!”
Today’s case1 involves a special litigation committee in an insider trading suit against Oracle Corporation. Oracle hired two Stanford professors to investigate Oracle executives for insider trading. The executives were Stanford alumni and huge donors to the University, and one of the professors even mentored the executive he was investigating… hm.
1In re Oracle Corp. Derivative Litig., 824 A.2d 917 (Del. Ch. 2003)
During accepted students weekend, the 0Ls are divided into four different rooms. The 0Ls sit while different sets of people come and talk at them for 10 minute increments.
Because I love my law school, I volunteered to be the token “glowing 1L.”
This morning me and a 2L spoke to the four rooms of 0Ls about how amazing Minneapolis is.
The gist: “It’s not that cold, actually it is quite awesome, we have lives, seriously! Questions?” Repeat.
Meeting 0Ls is fun. The awkwardness is always amazing. And there’s usually an odd-ball question that makes participating completely worth it.
Little did I know that the wild-card question would be about me:
After we introduced ourselves in the third room one of the 0Ls raised his hand:
0L: “You have a blog, don’t you?”
Me: “Why yes. That would be me.”
0L: “I know. I did my research.”
Well, then.
I sometimes forget that people other than my friends (and other blawgers!) read this blog…
…so to all you lurking UMN 0L’s: hello!
Today, before the start of Crimlaw:
Jack: “Are you looking at my rolly backpack?”
Jill: “Yes. And judging accordingly.”
Jack: “What? I got it for my birthday and I’m so excited about it.”
Jill: “That’s nice.”
Jack: “…I just got sick of carrying so much shit around. I had so many bags and I looked like a homeless person.”
Jill: “You can buy cute bags though. Note my big purse and briefcase. Or, you can try using your locker for books you don’t need.”
Jack: “And I just want my rolly backpack to be socially acceptable!”
Jill: “It never will be.”
We had another “what are the odds” moment in Corporations:
Professor M“Jimmy Smith?”
(Silence…crickets…)
Professor M“No? Not here?” Um…okay. How about Sara Johnson?”
Jill“She’s not here.”
Professor M“Wow. Well, uh. That’s odd. I mean, most of you are here… what about, Jack Thompson?”
Jack“Here.”
Professor M“Haha. Good! Well, I guess it’s bad luck for you….”
Today in Corporations we covered the Conrad Black scandal.1 Black was a media baron until his fraud conviction for bad behavior1 as head of Hollinger International Inc. The wikipedia entry on Black is here, and a news archive is here.
During the conversation, Professor M took a pot-shot at Chicago:
Professor M: “The outside directors on this board were pretty illustrious, you have Henry Kissinger, former diplomats, and one of the board members was a former governor of Illinois…”
(Class chuckles)
Professor M: “You’re right! Illinois…that’s always a bad sign! Res Ipsa Loquitur!”
Some misdeeds after the jump.
Sunday, before Stella and I worked on our ADR assignment (which took forever) we went to the Mall of America1 and Wal-Mart.
MOA = hilarity. But since it is impolite to take pictures of the NUMEROUS goth kids wearing black bat and kitty ears (I kid you not) we had to settle for the Hollister mannequin, who was flashing the entire mall:
This is the first time that I realize how hobo-chic Hollister is. The mannequins both look like they’d smell and ask for a quarter. Hm.
After the mall we went to Wal-Mart. We found some gi-normous tea cups!
Okay, okay. This is actually a flower pot. I want a Starbucks one.
After Wal-Mart we went to Wilde Roast and spent a minute on the ADR assignment. It was long-ish, and the in-class ADR simulation is tomorrow. We’ll see how that goes!
1 Cheapest mall trip every by-the-way. I spent $4 on a keychain and Stella spent $4 on a too-tight headband at Forever 21. Our primary reason to go to the mall was so that I could get my watch shortened and so Stella could scream at Version for her $100 mystery charge on her phone bill.
Jack might have a problem.
Jack: “I was so hopped up on Rockstar Energy drinks in Property class that I wanted to scream out ‘WEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!’ but I decided not to because people might think I’m weird.”
Jill: “Might?”
Of course Jack’s fridge is now stocked with Rockstar drinks. If he actually does burst out in class we’ll stage an intervention…
On a totally random note: apparently there is a super-awkward gallery of “Rockstar Models”. For example, look at picture 30 in that gallery. The big-honking energy drink cans weigh more than the models! Oh, and the facial expresion in picture 55….buahaha! She needs to put the energy drink down and back away…
Our midterm assignment for Corporations was to draft the argument section of a SEC “no-action” letter.
The assignment was due at noon today. Class is from 10:45am-12:15pm. So, of course, 1/3 of the class skipped.
Professor M: “That shows me not to make an assignment due in the middle of class! I totally could have seen this coming…”
Jill made to to class today:
Professor M: “Why did these regulations come about?”
(Jill had her hand raised.)
Professor M: “Yes? Jill?”
Jill:“Wait, nevermind. I’m pretty sure I’m wrong.”
Professor M: “No, go ahead.”
Jill:“Well, weren’t there a lot of hostile takeovers during that period?”
Professor M: “You are exactly on the button! That’s exactly right! And why did hostile takeovers matter?”
Jill: “Huh? What? I’m sorry I was celebrating.”
The social inappropriateness in my Crimlaw class reached an entirely new level of awful yesterday.
Jill appeared very distraught in yesterday’s class. She kept switching between laughing and looks of utter disgust. At times, Jill shook so hard with laughter that she rattled her desk.
I facebook messaged her:
Me: What’s wrong?
Jill: The guy sitting next to me! The angry, serial-killer-looking one from the other section…
Me: You mean Billy Bohaha? What about him?
Jill: LOOK AT HIS HAND!
I look over and realize that only one of Billy’s hands is on the desk.
Me: Uh, What is going on?
Jill: Billy has been scratching his balls for the past 20 minutes!
Me: What–what? Who does that? OH MY GOD…it’s like he’s mining!
Jill: I can’t even look at the overheads because every time I turn that way I burst out laughing! This is NOT happening!
But it is happening, Jill. But it is…
Billy scratched his crotch for the rest of Crimlaw, to the great amusement of the class.1 I think we should start an itch-cream fund.2
1 The professor was probably wondering why so many of us were snickering.
2 This is a prime example of how some students have no conception of appropriate classroom behavior. There is an unusually dense concentration of these people in my Crimlaw class. They are shunned accordingly.
We discussed the Erie1 case in Civil Procedure this morning.
In Erie, the plaintiff was walking2 on a path near railroad tracks. A train passed and the plaintiff was struck by something sticking out from the train (either a hook or a door…)
So of course, Professor V pulls up a slide of a little stick figure walking by a set of train tracks! It was amazing and the entire class laughed until Professor V mentioned that the plaintiff’s injuries were so serious that he had his arm amputated. Womp.
Professor V: “Even though he lost his arm, my stick figure has both arms because I didn’t have the heart to cut an arm off, I mean, I thought about having the stick arm sitting on the path, but, I just couldn’t do it!”
1 Erie R.R. v. Tompkins, 304 U.S. 64 (U.S. 1938)
2 Walking, at night…when torts happen.
It is Alternative Dispute Resolution week in Civil Procedure.1 Although Professor V has a lot of ADR experience, she has brought in a guest mediator for our in-class ADR simulation. The mediator specializes in employment law, specifically discrimination and sexual harassment.2
The mediator blindsided our “mock attorneys” by quizzing them about the hypo’s fact pattern during an impromptu “scheduling-call simulation.”
The mediator basically said, “Okay, I’m going to pretend to call you guys now. Be prepared to answer questions. Hello? Is this the attorney for the plaintiff? What are the important issues here?”
I was mortified for my classmates, but it wasn’t that bad.
After the “scheduling-call” Jill asked a question:
Jill: “Why do the attorneys in ADR become so entangled and angry at each other? I mean at the end of the day, it should just be a job…”
Mediator: “Well, keep that in mind! Attorneys are just as subject to unmanageable conflicts as anyone else!”
The full ADR simulation is next week. It should be amusing…
1 ADR includes among other things, arbitration and mediation. ADR is a way to solve problems without the cost of a full out court battle.
2 Which is part of our hypo.
Stella and I went to the clubhouse this weekend and got sat on by a 400 pound Cher!
Pictures (and video!) of the hilarity after the jump. NOTE: not school/work appropriate.
From my Crimlaw class:
Professor R: “Is a buying a mask enough to be in the possession of a materials to be employed specifically designed for an unlawful use?”
Jill: : “No. Maybe it’s Halloween or something.”
Professor R: “Well, that’s right. You can use a mask for a lot of things. I just to have a colleague that taught Criminal Procedure in a Nixon mask…”
Jill is kind of a bitch. This just happened in Crimlaw:
Professor R: “I want to schedule a makeup class for April 28 at noon. Does anyone have any conflicts with this?”
Jack: “I do! I do! There is some lunch thing with potential employers on that day.”
Jill (loudly): “Don’t worry. You’re not going to get hired anyway!”
Professor P gave us the strangest hypo today:
Professor P: “Jack. Lets assume that I want to sell a house, and you are my broker. And lets also assume, for the purposes of this hypo, that the house I’m selling is haunted.”
Jack: “Uh…well, since that’s not possible…”
Professor P: “Let’s assume that it is possible.”
Jack: “Okay. Well, it’s not necessarily physical defect. Ghosts aren’t damage to the property…”
Professor P: “But the moans are coming from the walls!”
Then it was Jill’s turn.
Professor P: “Now Jill, you are a consumer protection advocate. What do you say?”
Jill: “Haunting is a material fact!”
Professor P: “Is it?”
Jill: “Uh, I suppose so.”
Professor P: “Let’s suppose that the walls don’t moan that often, or that they only moan at midnight.”
Today Professor L gave us advice on court room attire:
Professor L: You do not, at least in Minnesota, come dressed inappropriately to Federal Court. And I’ve seen women present arguments with blouses that are too low cut and it’s just a disaster. Because the judges are sitting high up and…ugh… just don’t do it.
Ding-dum The Awful is done!
That’s right! My spring brief is DONE! Yes indeedy! Blogging right now is the only thing1 keeping me from doing cartwheels around the library while screaming obscenities about the Bank Fraud Statute.
My brief is 4,060 words of pure legal genius.2 Scalia, eat your heart out!
This is the scene:
Yes I printed about a million proofs and deforested Cambodia. I apologize. It was in the name of my pass/fail legal writing class. You can blame my law school. They’ll send you some seeds to replant. Thank you.
1 Okay, Okay, Okay, plus the fact that the undergrad security monitors would take me down and give me acme…and the fact that I can’t do cartwheels…
2 Sure to-morrow I’ll find that I somehow managed to leave an important word out of EVERY SINGLE HEADER or something awful…but tonight the brief = genius!
3 As I tweeted earlier: “Okay, how about this: ignore my 2lb can of roasted peanuts and I won’t bring up your rolly-backpack. Deal?”
Property just got amazing:
Professor P: “The Fair Housing Act1 prevents discrimination based certain protected classes, including sex.”
Jack: “What about the YMCA that rents only to men?”
(Class engages in a collective ‘what the hell?’ moment.)
Professor P: “YMCAs still rent to people?”
Jack: “Yeah. I think so.”
Professor P: “Uh…well…”
Jill (frantically waves her hand): “WAIT! I just stayed at a YMCA, and I AM NOT A MAN!”
1 42 U.S.C. §§ 3601-3619.
The topic was ‘the evolution of federal question jurisdiction’:
Prof V: It’s hard to remember that before 1875, the Federal Government had a very limited role, especially today when the government is taking over banks and the entire economy…