humor Archives - Page 19 of 19

Lessons from Mrs. Demotsis

September 14, 2008

The cases that are hardest to understand are the ones where one of the parties did something incredibly stupid. For example, in Batsakis v. Demotsis (1949), Mrs. Demotsis agreed to pay $2000 for a loan of 500,000 drachmas (worth about $25)
‘Q. ….. who suggested the figure of $2,000.00?

A. That was how he asked me from the beginning. He said he will give me five hundred thousand drachmas provided I signed that I would pay him $2,000.00 American money.’
I had to look the case up on Westlaw because I couldn’t believe someone agreed to pay back 80 times the amount they borrowed.

It also looked like Mrs. Demotsis signed a letter stating she received $2000, when she really only borrowed $25.

I must have read it wrong. The case must be in old-speak. No one does that. I must be missing something…

And so I check Westlaw and learn that Mrs. Demotsis actually agreed to pay $2000 for $25 loan. And she also signed a letter stating she received $2000, when she …well, didn’t.

So I learned three things:

I need to trust my readings of cases.
Mere inadequacy of consideration will not void a contract
…and yes, someone can be that stupid.

legal humor / Life

Why I love law school

September 13, 2008

10 minutes into my conversation with WestLaw’s help line:
Me: “OH, you know, I just realized why this is so hard for me to find. I’m supposed to be looking at the Restatement of Contracts, not the UCC!”
Westlaw Help Tech: (cackling)
Me: “HEY! I’m a 1L. This is my defense. Mess ups like this are my life right now.”
Westlaw Help Tech: “No, no, no” (snort) “I completely understand, ahaha.”

Law School / legal humor / on the record

Tort Hypo

September 12, 2008

Prof: “What if I call in a bomb threat?”
Student: “Well did you mean it?”
Prof: “If I call you up and tell you I’m going to commit a tort I mean it! I’m going to burn your house. I’m going to kill your dog. You will find your rabbit in a pot of water…”

Law School / legal humor / on the record

On the Record: CivPro, ConLaw, and Torts

September 11, 2008

The hilarity isn’t limited to my Torts professor:
Professor V: “I was going to get all hysterical about a student using the wrong form of “its” but then I saw it on an ABA website this morning — so welcome to the club!”
Professor V: “Marshall defines commerce as intercourse, and since we aren’t in high school we don’t have to go “tee hee hee” about his word choice.”
Professor L: “You’re unlikely to see congress be quite this dumb, although close…”
And Professor T on intent:
“Whether you are strangling your roommate because you think you’re squeezing lemons, or strangling your roommate because you hate him…”
And, taking someone’s suggestion, I started a quote category, “On the Record.”

Law School / legal humor / on the record

On the Record: The Best of Torts

September 9, 2008

For those of you, who though law school would be boring, here are the best snippets from my prof today*,
“So it’s convenient for hypos to have the kid say, “I like to see little old ladies fall on the ground!”
“How many preschool kids pull chairs from under others? Lots. Why? Because it’s funny. It’s funny to watch people fall on the ground.”
“What about Ruth!? SHE’S DEAD!”
“The A.L.I.? We are a bunch of lawyers, and judges, and professors, and we get together once a year at a big convention. It usually conflicts with opening of fishing season so I don’t go.”
“So we have a new dean. I’ve already gotten on a bad foot with the new dean. So I have to do what you do when you get on a bad foot with a new dean… I roll a hand grenade into his office.”
“Let me rephrase the question, what is the expected outcome when I roll a hand grenade into a small enclosed space with people in it?”
“What happens when I see the new dean across the parking lot? Hundreds of feet away? And I say that there’s no way I can hit him…and of course I throw the rock and fell him like an ox….”
“And the defendant said, “Assault and battery! You betcha! But good! And by the way the statute of limitations is up!”
Prof: “What do we call when a person dies from having a chair pull from under them?”
Student: “Misfortunate?”
“So what do we do with shy people? We humiliate them! I mean, I’m not the subject of friendly, unsolicited hugs.”
“Today we take that kind of friendliness to be sexual harassment in the workplace.”
“I’m moving this chair to demonstrate my capacity to move a chair. And you are impressed.”
“Whenever there’s a buffet I always find it convenient to just pull my chair up so I don’t have to move around.”
*most of these were said in jest.

1L Fall Summaries / legal humor / Life

Best week ever #1: first week of law school.

September 9, 2008

So, it’s officially my second week of law school. I’ve fallen in love several times during the past week –my current crushes are Westlaw and Microsoft One Note.

And of course I have Black’s Law Dictionary on the side for those moments of weakness. Shush. You have them too.

I’m still fine tuning my schedule, but I’ve learned a few things

Showing up at the library at 4 or 5am is an excellent way to get work done.
The bicycle turned my 20 minute walk to class into a 4 minute bike ride.
When the library starts getting crowded (around 8am), it’s time to head to a coffee shop and read more there.
A homework buffer is important. I need to be at least two days ahead.

This week I’m trying to establish a homework buffer by getting a week ahead in all of my classes. This is actually possible because my contract teacher’s wife gave birth early. The little-bundle-of-joy caused my 4-times-a-week contracts class to be canceled this week.

My Con Law professor also canceled Friday’s class. I know. It’s amazing. The universe has my back.

My favorite class so far is torts. The professor is awesome. Example:
Prof: “I have a farm in the wilds of northern Minnesota. We have beavers on our property. They build dams. They restrict the flowage of our property. So occasionally, for fun, we go to the hardware store and get some dynamite. We then stick it in the beaver dam and run!”
Context: Strict liability in blasting cases. AND, to be fair, I’m not sure whether or not he was kidding.

Goals for week 2:

Create a 5-day homework buffer.
Get to the gym at least four times this week.
Efficiency, efficiency, efficiency.
And stop buying lunch. It’s getting expensive.

Anyhoot. I’m at Caribou and neglecting my torts book. Back to False Imprisonment. Vöt!

legal humor / the cases

Big Town Nursing Home, Inc. v. Newman

September 9, 2008

Big Town Nursing Home, Inc. v. Newman

Court of Civil Appeals of Texas 1970

P40

Newman was a retired printer of 67 years of age. Single and sickly (Parkinson’s disease, arthritis heart trouble, voice impediment, and a hiatal hernia.)
Newman has never been in a mental hospital or treated by a psychiatrist
Newman had been treated twice for alcoholism, but his last arrest for drunkenness was in 1966.
Sept 19, 1968, the Newman was brought to the nursing home.
The Admission papers provided that the patient “will not be forced to remain in the nursing home against his will for any length of time.”
Newman was not advised he would be kept at the nursing home against his will
There was never any court proceeding to have him kept against his will
On Set 22, 1968, Newman decided he wanted to leave and phoned for a taxi
The nursing home’s employees advised Newman he couldn’t use phone or have visitors that the manager didn’t know
They also locked Newman ‘s grip (traveling bag) and clothes up
Newman walked out of the home but the nursing home’s employees caught up and brought him back forcefully
The nursing home’s employees then brought Newman to Wing 3 of the home, which contained drug addicts, mental disturbed, alcoholics, and similar tragic cases
Newman tried to escape 5 or 6 times and each time was caught and forcefully returned to Wing 3
Newman was strapped into a restraint chair for upwards of 5 hours a time as punishment
Newman was not seen by the home doctor some 10 days after being admitted and not for a week after being placed in Wing 3
Finally, on Nov 11, 1968, Newman escaped and caught a ride to Dallas, where he called a taxi and was taken to the home of a friend.
During this 51-day ordeal Newman lost 30 pounds
Newman sues the hell out of them

gamma eta gamma / Law School / legal humor

Gamma Disorientation 2008

September 6, 2008

Yes, the law fraternity has parties.

I played DJ.
The best part of the night was when the Irish exchange students walked up to me, fists balled, and screamed “RIVERDANCE!”

And they did, indeed Riverdance.

“RIVERDANNNNCE!”

Law School – 1L / legal humor

Oops

September 5, 2008

Dark stairwell by Carlos Martinez via Stocksnap

The library became annoying around 8am so I walked to my ConLaw class (which starts at 9am.)

There was already someone in the room when I arrived, so I felt less like “that kid who arrives an hour early” and more like, “one of those kids who arrive an hour early.”

Since I was in the wrong room yesterday, I asked the student, “This the correct room for Con Law right?”

legal humor

Contracts & the Ridiculous Stache

August 31, 2008

Yar! So, my first real day of law school homework is over. I did the assignment for my contracts class, which consisted of three parts: reading the syllabus, and two reading assignments.

The first reading assignment was a brief history of Anglo-American contract law. It read exactly like a history text for undergrad. Good. I was a history major. I like these things.

The second part of the reading involved Mutual Assent and Consideration, and a case Ray v. Eurice Brothers, which was hilarious.

Basically, Ray was a seriously OCD engineer who wanted to build a house. Ray had very specific requirements for exactly what material and building method was to be used.

The Eurice Brothers were two easy-going local builders.

They met, drew up plans, which Ray and his attorney changed to meet Ray’s OCD-whims.

Ray presented the new set of plans in a contract with the Eurice Brothers, including the cost of the building project. The Eurice Brothers signed ASSUMING the plans & specifications were those from the first meeting.

And of course, they were wrong. The Bros realize this a month later, and say “These requirements are ridiculous! We aren’t building this house with this crazy-talk! We thought we signed up for something else!”

So Ray sues.

And the judge says, “you could have intended anything, but you signed a contract that says this. So thou art the weakest link, goodbye.”

I was laughing throughout the case. Pure hilarity. I love it.

I hope tomorrow’s work (Torts!) is as fun.

OH, and part of my gitty mood as to do with my new haircut – I went to Target today and bought a cheap pair of clippers. I shaved my head and gave myself a ridiculous trucker mustache.

Yes. I did.

It’s goofy and makes people laugh. It’s impossible to be a depressed law student while sporting such an obviously ridiculous stache.

Think Jack Black in Margot at the Wedding.

Tomorrow: Briefing and Torts.

legal humor / Life

The hilarity continues

August 30, 2008

I’ll write about the rest of orientation later, probably tomorrow, but first, some quick hilarity from the past few days:

First, at Starbucks:
Me: “May I have a venti passion iced-tea unsweeted please?”
Starbucks girl: Sure!
Old guy next to me (blank stare): You speak Starbucks! What the hell did you order?
Then, today I ordered a latte at Caribou, a Starbucks competitor. The Caribou guy makes my latte, grimaces, and then takes it to an electronic scale.

Caribou guy #2 comes out and asks what the problem is.
Caribou guy #1: How much is a large latte supposed to weigh?
Me (to myself, in shock): You are not serious.
Caribou guy #2: Let’s look at the chart!
#2 pulls out a complete index of the proper weights of beverages and Caribou guys begin a deep discussion on the proper weight of a latte. After a few minutes Caribou guy #1 exclaims that he HAS to remake my latte.
Caribou guy #1: This is unacceptable. I have to redo this.
Me: Really, it’s not that serious.
Caribou guy #1: It’s the WRONG WEIGHT! This is more of a cappuccino than a latte!
Me: Erm… I’m still shocked that you guys actually weigh your drinks.
Caribou guy #1: Yes! Of course! And it’s the WRONG weight! This has TOO MUCH FROTH! It’s waaay more a cappuccino than a latte!
Me: Uh, what’s the difference exactly?
Caribou guy #1: A cappuccino has more foam and less milk. It’s slightly more bitter too.
Me: It’s not that serious. I’m fine with the drink you made, SERIOUSLY do not make another one.
This would not do. He scooped out the foam and added more milk. He almost weighed the drink again but I shot a strategic “don’t you DARE” look.
Caribou guy #1: It’s still too much of a cappuccino.
Me (tasting the drink): This is how Starbucks makes them.
Caribou guy #1 actually GASPS, and shouts: BUT STARBUCKS SUCKS!
I did a full, wide eyed wtf-look. There was a split second of pure, unpasteurized awkward, and then I told him to have a good day. Yikes.

And the final bit of hilarity also happened today, when I called my mother.
Me (in German): Hey mom, how are you?
Madre (in English, with shouts in the background): IT SMELLS LIKE SHIT!
Me: W-What?
Madre: IT SMELLS LIKE SHIT HERE! OH MY GOD!
Me: Like, it smells bad? Or does it literally smell like feces?
Madre: POOP! IT SMELLS LIKE SHIT! My neighbor started scrubbing but it’s not quick enough…OH MY GOD IT SMELLS LIKE SHIT! The whole apartment building is out here cleaning! The entire back balcony smells like shit! I think I know who it is too…this lady from downstairs has a cat and it probably got sick or something … (more shouts in the background) I HAVE TO GO!
Click.

While that was a new one… madre DOES still live in Miami. Updates on Poop-Spill 2008 later.

0L / legal humor

k? Thx

August 16, 2008

Maybe I am too formal about email correspondence but, well…this is a short email exchange I had with a financial aid rep from Otherschool (a law school I decided not to attend.)

——————————————————————————–

Date: Wed, 6 Aug 2008 23:02:11 -0700
From: FinAid@Otherschool.edu
CC: FinAid@Otherschool.edu
Subject: No FAFSA on file
To: Jansen

Hello,

You recently received a letter from our office letting you know that we would be evaluating your financial aid eligibility. We can only do this if we receive a copy of your completed Free Application for Federal Student Aid (FAFSA). As of today, we have not received your data.

Bla bla, complete your FAFSA bla bla bla.

If you do not need financial aid at this time, please let us know and we’ll code your account accordingly. In the interim, if you have any questions, please let us know, we’d be happy to assist you.

Sincerely,

Terry

Office of Financial Aid
Otherschool, School of Law
FinAid@Otherschool.edu
(213) 623-8088

From: Jansen 8/10/2008 12:59 PM
To: FinAid@Otherschool.edu

Hello, I do not know if this email was sent in error, but I am not attending Otherschool School of Law in the fall.

I have already communicated this with the admissions office. If my application is still on file, please rescind it.

Thank you.
– Dennis Jansen

Date: 13 Aug 2008 23:02:11 -0700
From: FinAid@Otherschool.edu

sorry abt that, we’ll take care of it. Thx, Terry

Office of Financial Aid
Otherschool, School of Law
FinAid@Otherschool.edu
(213) 623-8088

K, thx, ttyl lol.

0L / legal humor

We don’t teach manners here

July 31, 2008

A group of handymen walked through the law library this afternoon. They talked loudly to each other over the sound of their NexTel phones – SQUAWK somethinginSpanish SQUAWK

Guy and I watched the handymen pass and shot the “oh how rude” look.

“You can tell they never went to college,” Guy said.

Ten minutes later: A female law professor stomps through the aisles, juggling three bags and a Blackberry.
“What? What? Honey, SPEAK UP. Oh, Edward? I’ll pick him up after I make copies.”

Guy and I watched her pass and then exchanged a look.

“So what’s HER excuse?” I asked.

0L / legal humor / Life

EVVVVERRY BODY: mosquitoes, hilarity, and the law library.

July 24, 2008

I’m in Miami for one last summer. Guess where I spend most of my time? The law library.

I’m not doing any intense prep for law school.. Although I have read a few law-related books, I’m not frantically outlining horn books or briefing cases for practice. No, I’m not that boy.

I spend most of my time reading novels.

Yes, in the law library.

This may seem bizarre to people not from Miami, but the crystal blue skies and beautiful beaches are only travel brochure fodder.

Do not be fooled. The reality of Miami is heat, humidity, and mosquitoes.

I’m working at my undergrad university (U Miami) this summer. UMiami has a scenic campus,but I can’t read outside because of the raging hordes of mosquitoes.

I’m not exaggerating. Raging hordes. Seriously. These are Genghis Khan-level mosquitoes – I have to reapply the bug spray every 20 minutes to prevent severe blood loss. And those mild bug sprays don’t work. I have to buy OFF! Deep Woods, which smells faintly of rot.

One of my coworkers was bit so badly yesterday that she resembled a smallpox victim.

And reading at the beach? No go. Miami Beach is miserably crowded with tourists, joggers, winos, coke dealers, and etc. It’s also expensive. The parking garages charge $15 if you are over 4 hours. Gas on the beach? $4.41 for regular. No, mam.

I generally go to Virginia Key, which is an island/nature reserve off the coast of downtown Miami. Virginia Key is only a $1.50 toll and $3 entrance fee the park/beach.

The problem with Virginia Key is that it’s a nature reserve so you have to deal with, well, nature. Which includes hordes of mosquitoes from the mangrove swamp.

The mangrove swamp in question…

There are also looming predatory birds (including vultures) and the occasional dead shark,

For those who thought I was kidding…

Oh, and the locals (fishermen + bratty children). So, for summer reading the beach is out.

This is why my summer reading ritual consists of a stop at Starbucks and the law library.

And the Miami law library is a bit intense.

Books, tabs, highlighters, and a freakly, strained quiet that makes me nervous to blink.

Coughing? Out of the question. I’ll choke it down until I can creep off to the bathroom or stairwell to hack.

The worst part isn’t the quiet but the faces of the law students. The expressions are variations of miserable, angry, or sickly.

Yesterday, the ‘angry’ variety was dominant.

A couple left their belongings unattended on a table. The table was part of cluster surrounded by study carrels. They left their laptops, books, papers, everything.

There were a lot of people around, so theft seemed unlikely, but these people were gone for a while.

And then it happened: a cellphone buried somewhere in the pile of crap on that table went off.

Annoying ringtone.
Full blast.
EVVVVVVERRY BODY IN THE CLUB GETTING TIPSY!

Tension, gasps, and it rings again, EVVVVVVERRY BODY IN THE CLUB GETTING TIPSY!

And then there was that moment typically only seen on National Geographic; You know, the moment when the zebras realize something is amiss… the scamper of a predator, a cracked twig, a dart, something, and then all the zebras freeze in a collective wide-eyed “oh shit” moment before deciding what to do.

Well, about half of us had the “oh shit” zebra stare down. The phone kept going off.
EVVVVVVERRY BODY IN THE CLUB GETTING TIPSY! EVVVVVVERRY BODY…

Then the Jackals came out.

Heads popped of the study carrels. People shot hateful glares at the unattended table. The phone wasn’t visible because it was somewhere under the papers and books, but it rang, and rang, …and then finally stopped.

But of course the person called back.
EVVVVVVERRY BODY, EVVVVVVERRY BODY, EVVVVVVERRY BODY IN THE CLUB GETTING TIPSY!

The Jackals slammed their books, sucked their teeth, and walked single file to the bathroom. Some muttered dark threats under their breath. One guy just twitched and said “Fuck! Shit! Fuck!”

The phone stopped and the happy couple returned. Guy and girl. With Subway bags. They seemed glad that their stuff hadn’t been swiped. There were so many people around. It’s safe. Go on, take as many half-hour subway breaks as you want…The no food policy in the library? Whatever. It’s about as important as that whole silence your cellphone jig…

The hilarity ensued when the 5-6 jackals returned to the study area and shot hateful, hateful looks at the couple. The couple probably thought it was because they were eating.

No, not probably – definitely, because they exchanged a look and then LEFT AGAIN with their food, supposedly to eat it outside.

And yes, they forgot their phone…because 5 minutes later… EVVVVVVERRY BODY, EVVVVVVERRY BODY…

I left after that because I was pretty sure the twitcher was going to cut someone.

20,000 mosquitoes would be less stressful than these law students.

college / humor / memories

Madre Jansen is hardcore.

July 15, 2008

Madre Jansen just called.

Madre: *cough* how are you?
Me: Fine, what’s up?
Madre: On my way to pick up my meds. Apparently I’ve got bronchitis.

Yikes.

Madre’s had a tough medical year. So far, she’s dislocated her shoulder from being hit by car, landed in the ER/isolation for flesh eating bacteria, and now bronchitis.

Madre Jansen is hilarious though – two days after the car accident she’s jogging on the beach, arm in sling.

And, after she got out of quarantine during the whole bacteria scare she had me bring her work laptop:

“Just because I’m hospitalized doesn’t mean I can’t get some work done.”

People who think I’m hardcore obviously never met mom.

0L / legal humor

Digging in the crates: Words of Advice from Law School Blogs

July 4, 2008

Empty library, classroom, or office by Sarah Babineau via Stocksnap

Here are some of the old posts by law student bloggers that I’ve found amusing and/or helpful. I’ve probably missed a lot of great posts – please link me to some of your favorite oldies.

Update: Here are the submissions:

Take up smoking. If you’re already a smoker, take up heroin. If you’re already addicted to heroin, just freebase the UCC. – Tort of Cockblocking: Advice for 1L’s

A Brief Taxonomy of Classroom Participation Strategies: Playing Possum – For gunners finding it particularly hard to get called on, feigned distraction and boredom can often provoke the desired response. Pretend to be asleep, or obsessed with your navel, or masturbating in class, and more often than not the professor will call on you, thinking you easy prey. Make him regret it. – Buffalo Wings & Vodka

I know that warm, musky space between professors’ ass cheeks is your natural habitat, but the class is blind graded; you’re not doing yourself any favors by kissing up, you’re just pissing off your classmates.- Law Bitches: Tips for 2L’s

Prof. Son of a Bitch: “If a Jehovah’s Witness comes to my door, do I infringe his free speech rights if I say ‘get the hell off my property, I don’t need to go to heaven’?” – The War Against All: Professor Son of A Bitch

Law school is no harder than any other school. The thing that makes law school worse than other school (note: NOT harder) is that it requires you to be one hundred times more organized if you want to keep your head above water. While some things in law school are relatively easy to bullshit, you can’t bullshit your exam. And to be able to NOT bullshit your exams, you have to be organized all semester. – Divine Angst: things I wished I’d known LAST YEAR

Law school is bullshit. It’s like being back in high school, only with a lot bigger egos and a lot more alcohol involved. The Barristers Ball? It’s fucking prom. If I have to listen to one more bitch describe her damn dress to me, I’m chopping her up into pieces and stuffing her in my locker. Bar Review? No one fucking goes. It’s not that law students don’t drink. It’s just that we are all closet alcoholics. Apparently it is not socially acceptable to be drinking from a flask in the middle of Con Law. Nor is it socially acceptable to go to bar review, order a pitcher of beer and then drink it all – directly from the pitcher. At least I’m getting smarter: everyone that sits around me just thinks I drink a lot of coffee, no one knows that it is just straight gin in my travel coffee mug every morning. – Law Bitches: Diary of a 1L

Torts prof: There is a limit to what the human liver can process. I think its like 200 times your body weight in alcohol…

1L: Fortunately, the more you drink, the more you weigh so…

Torts prof: Yeah, but there comes a point where it has to yell out: I’m your liver. I quit.
Butterflyfish

On Anonymous Blogging: 1. It doesn’t work anyway. As I said, most professional (or school) bloggers move within a world circumscribed by a very limited number of real-world walls. This means your anonymity is inversely proportional to the actual value of figuring out who you are. 3 years of hell

Too chicken shit to bring this directly to me, little boy? Are you all so frightened by my words that you cower in your little blogs and pretend to be all powerful? Boy in Suit: Drama

Ok. I just got ass raped. That’s right, raped, right up the ass. Who raped me, you ask? Why none other than the college bookstore. Naked Drinking Coffee

0L / legal humor

Law School Humor

June 26, 2008

I’m sure someone must have posted these already, but, these videos made my day. They are from the NYU Law Revue and well, absolutely brilliant.

The first one is a musical on law library etiquette.

The second is about the Barbri girl.

humor / pictures / Sophomore Year

The Mad Shitter

April 2, 2006

I keep my sense of humor about my job. There is a ‘mad shitter’ loose in my building who has dropped a duce in two stairwells so far.

My boss told me to take the picture for documentation. It’s priceless…and juicy.

Went to the movies a lot this week – rewatched The Libertine with Chantis and Alex and Tamara with Aparna. Saw Inside Man with Gio and V for Vendetta.

Thursday night I went to the Miss Divine 2006 pageant. It was the most entertaining show of any sort I’ve ever been to. Multiple stages, props, background dancers, real butterflies (that kept landing on me), flips in 5-inch heels, falling, drunk Cubans, and blood packets, sashays and shawntes. Simply amazing.

…Miisadventures in Hialeah Gardens, Wal-Mart and Steak & Shake in Kendall with Phoenix, and of course, clubbing downtown with JHR and then another long night at the Music Factory (Aventura) with Alex.