humor Archives - Page 16 of 19

Best of Sunday

November 9, 2008

Today’s reading was pretty ripe with “the funny.” Here are the top three quotes:

“If there is a hell to which disputatious, uncivil, vituperative lawyers go, let it be one in which the damned are eternally locked in discovery disputes with other lawyers of equally repugnant attributes.”
– Judge Bright from Dahl v. City of Huntington Beach, 84 F.3d 363 (9th Cir. Cal. 1996)

“If he would be a great lawyer, he must first consent to become a great drudge.”
– Daniel Webster (quoted in my CivPro book)

And from some “for fun” reading I did today, a quote that is pertinent to law school…

“It takes confidence and good will to day, “I didn’t understand so-and-so,” rather than, belligerently, “So-and-so makes no sense.” It is the nature of stupid people to hide their perplexity and attack what they cannot grasp.”
– John Gardner, from On Becoming a Novelist

legal humor / the cases

Pet Cemetery (minus the pet)

November 9, 2008

When I tell a stranger that I’m a law student I generally hear a variant of, “gasp that must be so hard and boring.” I’ve even received that reaction from Engineering students. Which, uh…yeah…I’m going to respectfully disagree with.

A case to prove my point?

Corso v. Crawford Dog & Cat Hospital, Inc., 415 N.Y.S.2d 182 (N.Y. Civ. Ct. 1979).

legal humor / the cases

When the horse evacuates his bowels…

November 8, 2008

So I almost spit out my coffee because of this little nugget* (no pun, I swear) from 1928…

Where a petition alleged that the plaintiff was an unmarried white lady, and that while in attendance as a guest of the defendant at a circus performance given by the defendant, and while seated in one of the seats provided by the defendant for the defendant’s guests at the circus, a horse, which was going through a dancing performance immediately in front of where the plaintiff was sitting, was by the defendant’s servant, who was riding upon the horse, caused to back towards the plaintiff, and while in this situation the horse evacuated his bowels into her lap, that this occurred in full view of many people, some of whom were the defendant’s employees, and all of whom laughed at the occurrence, that as a result thereof the plaintiff was caused much embarrassment, mortification, and mental pain and suffering, to her damage in a certain amount, that the damage alleged was due entirely to the defendant’s negligence and without any fault on the part of the plaintiff, the petition set out a cause of action and was good as against a general demurrer.

And yes, that’s one sentence…

*Christy Bros. Circus v. Turnage, 144 S.E. 680, 681 (Ga. Ct. App. 1928)

legal humor / the cases

Internal wars…

November 8, 2008

My Lexis points are out of control because I keep doing these completely random searches. For example: today, I wondered “Hm. I wonder how many times my undergraduate university has been sued.”

One quick trip to Lexis brought up a few interesting cases. My favorite: Montalvo v. University of Miami*

The case brings up the same issues that dissuaded me from writing a senior thesis at the University of Miami. I was told by members in two different departments that the success of my senior thesis would depend on how well by faculty advisors got along. If I accidentally picked two warring professors I’d be screwed, because each would try to fashion my work in their own style.

I don’t know if a “internal war” was truly going on in the case above, but it wouldn’t be a surprise. I suppose that research into the nature of your professors and the subsequent ability to reconcile their differences is a significant (if unspoken) requirement in the process.

* 705 So. 2d 1042

*********** edit,

Another interesting case is Johnston v. Meredith (840 So. 2d 315). The case involves a wrongful death that happened the year before my first year at Miami. A fraternity pledge drowned in the school lake. His estate sued several of his would-be fraternity brothers. The case made it to the appellate level but Lexis doesn’t carry the (more informative) trial court records.

legal humor / the cases

The Justice says: “Um…how about no.”

November 7, 2008

Justice Fortas* brought me so much joy:

And an insurance company whose maximum interest in the case cannot exceed $20,000 and who in fact asserts that it has no interest at all, should not be allowed to determine that dozens of tort plaintiffs must be compelled to press their claims-even those claims which are not against the insured and which in no event could be satisfied out of the meager insurance fund-in a single forum of the insurance company’s choosing.

There is nothing in the statutory scheme, and very little in the judicial and academic commentary upon that scheme, which requires that the tail be allowed to wag the dog in this fashion.

State Farm Fire & Cas. Co. v. Tashire. 386 U.S. 523

Law School / legal humor / on the record

OTR: Hippies and DES babies

November 6, 2008

We discussed Diethylstilbestrol (DES) litigation…
Professor T: “Is the subsequent occupant of a uterus unforeseeable?”
And little Sally picks up a flower…
Professor T: “So what happened to the girl in this case?”
Mike: “I don’t know.”
Professor T: “Look at the date.”
(Date of the case is 1971)
Mike: “Oh, 1971. She must have become a hippie or something.”
Professor T: “And her parents are upset that they sent little Sally who is as pure as snow into this university…”

Law School / legal humor / on the record

OTR: Socratic Abandonment

November 5, 2008

Professor V: Given that your open memo due today and the election was last night, I’ll assume that today is not a good day for class preparation. So, unless anyone wants to disabuse me of that idea, I am going to ask for volunteers instead of calling on people.

(Class erupts in applause)

legal humor / the cases

Rat bomb

November 5, 2008

There is a note in my Torts book* about Novelty Co. v. Daniels, 42 So.2d 395 (Miss. 1949)

8. Defendant, under an obligation to furnish a safe place to work, set plaintiff, its employee, at cleaning a coin-operated vending machine with gasoline in a small room in which there was a lighted gas heater with an open flame.

While he was working, a rat escaped from the vending machine and ran to take refuge under the heater, where its fur, impregnated with gasoline fumes, caught fire from the flame. The rat “returned in haste and flames to its original hideout,” and exploded the gasoline vapor inside the machine, injuring the plaintiff. Is the defendant liable?

*Prosser, Wade and Schwartz’s “Torts: Cases and Materials.” 11th ed. p328, note #8

Law School / legal humor / on the record / the cases

Stay off the parkway

November 4, 2008

Yun v. Ford Motor Co.
647 A.2d 841

*Estate of van passenger who died as result of being struck by automobile while crossing highway late at night to retrieve spare tire that had fallen off back of van brought products liability action against van manufacturer, installer which attached spare tire assembly to van, van dealership and manufacturer of spare tire carrier and negligence action against automobile service center.
Sarah: “I mean, it’s the Garden State Parkway! COME ON! You don’t run across it! People will speed up if they see you!”
Professor T: “Do they get extra points?”
Sarah: “Yeah! I mean, it’s New Jersey!”
Timmy: “Gotta love New Jersey!”

* Westlaw headnotes.

Law School / legal humor / on the record

On the Record: Contracts

November 3, 2008

Jill gets paid.

Professor C: “Okay, Jill! I’m the court. You’re my clerk. Tell me what to do.”
Jill: “First off, pay me more money.”

Wood* can just stay at home!

Professor C: “The plaintiff doesn’t have to go out and market Lady Duff-Gordon’s designs. He can just sit at home, watch Project Runway, and eat Bon-Bons.”

Professor C: “So, Sarah…can the plaintiff sit at home, watch Project Runway, and eat Bon-Bons on his couch?”

* Refers to Otis F. Wood in Wood v. Lucy, Lady Duff-Gordon, 222 N.Y. 88, 118 N.E. 214

legal humor

Off-the-rack terms

November 2, 2008

Today’s contracts reading involved “gap-filling” provisions of article II of the UCC that supply terms left out of contracts.

I realize this may mean that I’m officially a legal nerd, but this sentence in my textbook brought me so much joy:

“Off-the-rack” terms, like ready-made suits, are less costly than custom-tailored ones.

Law School / legal humor / on the record

Rachael the Bold.

October 31, 2008

Yesterday in class:
Professor: “Rachael, are you with me?”
Rachael: “Does my face look like I’m with you?”

Law School / legal humor / on the record

OTR: Cinderella’s army

October 30, 2008

Redefining activism:

Professor T: “Judicial activism is a pejorative term people use to describe supreme court rulings they don’t like.”

Con Law began with this quote:

“Despite what Hollywood might have you believe, in situations like this you don’t call in the tough guys; you all in the lawyers.” – George Tenet

Haaa-CHO!

(There’s a boy in the back of the class that lets out these extra-loud sneeze-cough combos…)
Jill: “His sneezes are like an assault my senses every time…”

War Powers Resolution of 1973:

Jack: “It makes the president the commander-in-chief of a Cinderella army that disappears in 60 days.”

Law School / legal humor / on the record / unsolicited advice

OTR: the panel

October 29, 2008

Library books by Glen Noble via Unsplash

In SSG we had a panel of older students that gave advice on exams:

Panelist 1: “Don’t talk about the exam afterwards. Don’t. Seriously. Because you’ll think of all the things you did wrong and feel like CRAP.”

Panelist 2: “You’re kinda in a panic during your first exam and like what the fuck…”

legal humor / the cases

Wilson v. State (death of a fiddler)

October 29, 2008

As if you don’t have enough cases to read… here is one I truly enjoyed…

Court of Criminal Appeals of Texas.
WILSON
v.
STATE.
Nov. 15, 1893.
Appeal from district court, Gonzales county; T. H. Spooner, Judge.

Reeves Wilson was convicted of manslaughter, and appeals. Reversed.

HURT, P. J.
There was a dance at the house on S. Winkfield’s farm in Gonzales county on the night of the 26th of November, 1892. The deceased, Bagley, was the “fiddler;” and while “playing the fiddle,” there being quite a number of ladies present, Steve Wilson (brother of appellant) came into the room, and began cursing and using vulgar language.

Bagley requested him to stop using such language in presence of the ladies, whereupon Steve said, “If you think you can make me stop, you had better try it.” Bagley got up, fiddle in hand, and placed one hand on Steve, and said, “You ought not to do that way.”

They then struck one or two blows, when defendant and his brother Sam came up, defendant striking Bagley on the head with a large rock, and some one stabbing him with a knife, inflicting a mortal wound. Some of the witnesses saw the knife before Sam struck deceased, and some did not. No witness swears that appellant saw the knife.

Law School / legal humor / on the record

OTR: Read the damn thing

October 28, 2008

On Contracts:

Professor C: “When you sign a contract you should read the damn thing.”

Professor C: “Why is it in capitals? That’s the insurer’s way of getting around the reasonable expectation policy. They’ll say, “What do you mean you didn’t know?! It’s in CAPITALS!” but of course the problem is that half the freakin’ document is in capitals…”

Professor T’s world:

Professor T: “Up where I live there are guns going off all the time. I have to put an orange vest on my dog when I let him out in the morning because hunters will shoot at anything that moves...”

Law School / legal humor / on the record

Pleading…fail.

October 24, 2008

Today in Civ Pro we picked apart a (extremely) poorly written answer to a complaint. Giant fail.

Professor V: We see that the complaint has a lot of problems, but it seems like the defendant wasn’t even trying to get it right. I asked the clerk of the court if this was typical, and she said that there was a deep divide: 90% of the pleadings were perfect, and 10% were absolutely dreadful. This obviously falls into the dreadful category, but that makes it an awfully good learning tool.

An example of the absurdity… the defendant, Southwestern Publishing Company, denied this part of the Plaintiff’s claim:

IV.
Defendant, The Southwestern Company, engages in the business of publishing and selling books to residential customers. Defendant contracts with college students to spend their summers selling its books from door to door in residential areas selected by Defendant.

Okay, now this is from Southwestern’s website:

Students who participate in the program represent approximately 350 colleges and universities from the United States, Canada, Europe, South Africa, and South America. Our products are sold to families in their homes by these students during their summer breaks. These students are independent contractors and have the opportunity to run their own businesses by purchasing products from Southwestern at wholesale and selling them to customers at retail.

Um…yeah.

* For you Westlaw people, the full case is at: Grewe v. Southwestern Co. Not Reported in F.Supp.2d, 2005 WL 1593048 D.Minn.,2005. but the botched answer to the amended complaint is not among the Westlaw court docs on Westlaw. Hm..

Law School / legal humor / on the record

Words of encouragement,…erm, sort of.

October 24, 2008

Our school has a mandatory 1L lecture series. Today’s lecturers discussed stress and stress related issues:

Speaker 1: “Don’t forget you have a life. Do not use the word “allegedly” when asked if you took out the trash. And do not take your books to Chipotle and read them in line. Have you guys seen that? Yeah? Well it’s sad.”

Speaker 1: “The second year is better. I know you hear it all the time and think “LIAR!” but it’s true. If it wasn’t better then the attrition rate would be 98%. Your second year sucks for a whole different set of reasons.”

Speaker 2: “About 10% of lawyers have alcohol abuse problems. In this room, I’d say that’s the first two rows. Sorry, I’m sure you’re great but you’re drunks. You go to a great school but you’re not that special – you’re not going to buck the statistics.”

Law School / legal humor / on the record

How Jill became “that girl.”

October 23, 2008

Woman working at desk, by Bench Accounting via Unsplash

Jill’s computer starts speaking during Professor L’s class: “CONGRATULATIONS! YOU’VE WON!”

The entire class laughs.
Professor L: “I won’t even try to exercise discipline, because the embarrassment is enough. HOW EMBARRASSING!”
Jill: “Sorry…I had to buy these tickets…and…”
Professor L: “And apparently you’ve won something! I’m sure you’re not the only one who has done such a thing in class, you’re just the only one who has done it with the volume on!”

Law School / legal humor / on the record

OTR: Kevin the Tort Machine

October 22, 2008

Glasses on book by Dariusz Sankowski via Stocksnap

Some notes from class…

Just being difficult:

Professor C: “And by the way, I’m just responding to what you’re saying. If you were saying what I was saying, then I would say what you’re saying.”

Gotcha

The professor puts a slide of a statute up…

33 USC § 1321(f)(2) Liability for actual costs of removal
(1) Except where an owner or operator can prove that a discharge was caused solely by

(A) an act of God,
(B) an act of war,
(C) negligence on the part of the United States Government, or…

Professor V: “Who has the burden of proof here? How do we know?”
Student: Uh… (tries for several minutes to explain.)
Professor V: “This one is actually so easy …that’s why you’re missing it! Let’s read the statute shall we? Except where an owner or operator can prove… hm. Seems like the statute is telling us who has the burden of proof…”

Kevin the tort-machine.

Professor T: “So, Ted, let’s say Kevin pushes you into a hole on the street. Is the creator of the hole liable?”
Ted: “Why would Kevin want to push me?”
Professor T: “Doesn’t matter. He does.”
Kevin: “And I pushed him hard too!”
Professor T: “Why is that?”
Kevin: “Cus If I get sued I’m going to make it count!”