I noticed ashes and burnt fabric sprinkled in the staircase of my apartment building while taking out the rubbish. I then see this by the dumpster: 
I think the chaos season for my apartment building has officially started up again.
I noticed ashes and burnt fabric sprinkled in the staircase of my apartment building while taking out the rubbish. I then see this by the dumpster: I think the chaos season for my apartment building has officially started up again.
This reminds me of a line from Don DeLillo’s The Falling Man:
“Something is always happening, even on the quietest days and deep into the night, if you stand a while and look.”
Professor A: “Let me apologize if I appear meaningless and rambling today. I had to get up at 4am to catch my flight and I’m not sure if I know what the hell is going on.”
Professor A: “I don’t usually dress up this much to class but I wanted to show you guys what I wore to last night’s banquet!”
It was a leftover, but I shouldn’t have been eating it anyway:
Professor W: “Is Mr. Jack here? Mr. Jack? Ah yes. So the footnote on page 701 reminds me of you. Are you embarrassed?”
Jack: “I’m slightly embarrassed, Mam.”
Professor W: “Well the note reminds me of you.”
Jack: “Why is that Mam?”
Professor W: “Because the litigant calls everyone Mam, just like you do.”
Jack: “Well, in my defense Mam, I did offer to call you Young Miss.”
Professor W: “Why use two words when one will do?! Besides both are equally inappropriate.”
The fun continues in Family Law:
Professor W: “What about gambling? Does anyone gamble? Who has ever gambled? Jill?”
Jill: “Well, I bet on sports. It’s like drinking a beer while watching a game! If you have $5 riding on it then the most boring game becomes the most exciting thing you have ever seen in your life!”
I was leaving my apartment building this morning when I saw a man run across the street. He clutched a soda and started shouting at me:
Sodaman: “Hey, can you hold the door for me?”
Me: “Uh, sure.
Sodaman: “Thanks. I live in apartment #45…just don’t want the police to come and…”
My apartment building is old and decrepit, aka vintage, so bathroom wall leaks in odd places. This isn’t new.
Two weeks ago I had a mysterious leak from my medicine cabinet. The landlord eventually came, fixed the leak, and said, “OH MY GOD! Look at the water damage to the paint in your bathroom! We need to fix this!”
Turns out that the paint in the bathroom has had water bubbles and stains since before I moved in a year ago…
After a week of scheduling, the painter arrives. I leave the painter (hoping he doesn’t rob me) and walk the dogs around the Lake of the Isles.
Today in family law Professor W told us what we already suspected:
Professor W: “The correlation between divorce grounds and the rate of divorce is weak. Sort of like the correlation between doing well in law school and doing well in practice… […]
I’m walking the dogs when I run into my mailman:
Mailman: “Eek! Those are huge dogs! Makes a mailman wanna piss himself! Are they friendly?”
Me: “Oh, most of the time.”
Mailman: “Heh. Huge all the same. What apartment do you live in?”
Me: “53B.”
Mailman: “53B?”
Me: “Yes.”
Mailman: “I’ll make sure you get your mail on time then.”
Me: “So that’s how to get service!”
I think Jill coined a new term.
Me: “So, Jack overheard ‘dresses inappropriately boy’ from Tax Law talk about what fashion disasters the other students are.”
Jill: “Oh my god! Really? Even after he wore a neon colored hat, skinny jeans, and man-Uggs yesterday?!”
Me: “Yep. But you know, I try not to judge because very few people are intentionally annoying.”
Jill: “Yes, but some people who are not intentionally annoying are still negligently annoying, and should know better, and should feel social pressure to pay more attention.”
Snaps, Jill. Snaps.
One of today’s topics in my Family Law class was restrictions on parents’ rights to name their children.
Family law is a huge class. There are over 100 people in the room, but instead of deterring embarrassing and irrelevant comments, the class size seems to ensure that every loon in the law school is represented ala But No Thanks.
The conversation got so ridiculous that people openly laughed at the speakers.
One can only take a mother’s right to name her child “5 + 5” so seriously, but there was a boy who said that the name would be fine if it was written “Five plus Five” instead of numericals.
The best comment was not by one of the loons, but by a rather pleasant girl who shall forever be known as Ms. Ass:
Ms. Ass: “…I get what he’s saying about names. My parents love me, but my initials are “ASS.”
I was only briefly traumatized in 2nd grade when the 5th graders found out… but in undergrad, Bumble University used our initials as our email address. So when applying to law school, I had to get documentation from Bumble U that I did not pick “ASSØØ4@bumble.edu” to be my email.”
I love it.
It’s 10 a.m. and I am clutching a bottle of vodka to my brow.
I tripped on a dog leash while returning from the morning dog walk and slammed straight into a door knob ala Final Destination.
I heard a crunch and felt like I just got decked by Brooke Hogan.
This was surely going to give me a juicy knot, and the frozen vodka bottle served as my ice-pack.
The juicy knot never formed on my forehead, but the tender feeling and light-headedness was the final touch to my 2L makeover:
Someone left a note on my car a few days ago:
Now I expect a note every time I go to my car!
And yes, I was blocking the curb cut, but the curb cut was not shoveled, so I could not see it when I parked.
I don’t know why anyone would care about an unshoveled curb cut, but I am just glad all the snow on the car was white.
The class has slowly deteriorated…
Jill is harsh.
Professor W: “Those you in the class with kids! What if your kid was 15 and wanted to marry a 48-year-old guitar teacher. What would you do?”
Jill: “All girls boarding school!”
Professor W: “Where they beat them?”
Jill: “Sure!”
Professor W: “Or where they handcuff them to the bed at night?”
Jill: “Well if she wanted to marry a 48-year-old…”
Professor W doesn’t agree.
Professor W: “Should the husband be allowed after 25 years to go “oh we weren’t married at all …hahaha fuck you?’ Well? Should he, Judge Smith? Will you let him do that?”
Jack: “Yes!”
Professor W: “NO YOU WILL NOT!”
Me: “Hi, (twitches) I was here last week about my Conlaw II grade…and I was wondering (twitch) what the status on that was…”
Infodesk guy: “Hm. I thought those were in last week. Let me call Registrarman.”
Me (still twitching, and sweating): “Thank you.”
Five minutes later, Registrarman comes out.
Registrarman: “The Conlaw grades were in over a week ago. They should be up.”
Me: “But my grade isn’t up.”
Registrarman: “That’s odd. I posted all of the Conlaw I grades last week…”
Me: “Oh, nono, but I am in Conlaw II!”
Registrarman: “OH! That’s a different course!”
Me (twitch): “Yes. It is. Sorry, I don’t want to be a pest, but, (twitch) I have had all of my other grades for a while, and this the ONLY grade I’m waiting on and…so…um like US Americans and such as…”
Registrarman: “Let me go check that one.”
He disappears for 5 more minutes.
Registrarman: “Your professor has until February 1st to turn the Conlaw II grades in. She’s not late yet.”
Me (twitching, sweating, my deoderant breaking down…): “Oh…okay…thank you…”
I then scurry off awkwardly, trying not to stumble as Registrarman cackles evilly. Womp.
Professor W returns. I had her for Wills & Trusts last summer, and now I am in a 100-person Family Law course with her. I didn’t take Family Law for the blog fodder, seriously…but…
The old “is the used book okay?” question:
Professor W: “People ask me the difference between the 4th edition of the book and the old one. And I don’t know how to answer that. How much is the new book?”
Jill: “$150!”
Professor W: “Good god! And how much is the old book?”
Jack: “I got it for $10.”
Professor W: “Wow…that’s a difference…well, what would you spend the extra money on?”
Jack: “Well, when I bought the used book for Wills & Trusts, I used the extra money to go to a Packers game, and I thought that was a good investment!”
Professor W: “That doesn’t sound appealing to me at all! Good thing we are different. And you might be dead tomorrow. You might not have a chance to spend that money. Buy the new book”
About love and marriage:
Professor W: “It’s because of this western notion that we make lifetime commitments for “love,” which is really dumb. There are so many better reasons to marry than love that are more binding. Why do you think so many of your friends are divorcing? It’s because they entered into this thing with unrealistic expectations!”
Professor W:”Another problem is that we live too long. It might be alright to marry for love if your life expectancy is 37, but if you live to 100 – my god – that’s a long time to be with one person. How dull!”
Amber does not appreciate the fashion sense of one of her classmates, Zeb.
Zeb is a 2L at Amber’s law school and is about my weight – not obese, but too big to wear skinny pants and man leggings.
Amber: “So I’ve seen his ridiculous snow boots and I’ve seen the skinny pants. But what amazes me is that I’ve never seen Zeb repeat an outfit! So he has a huge closet full of clothes and EVERY SINGLE PIECE is ill-fitting and inappropriate.”
See also:
Hunger kicked in during the middle of Jack’s answer in Employment Law:
Jack: “I think it’s reasonable because the employee’s actions don’t show wonton disregard… wonton? Wanton?”
Professor I: “Wanton. Wonton is the Chinese restaurant.”
Jack: “It’s almost lunch time!”
More from Employment Law:
The one thing I love about my Real Estate Law professor is her ability to control the classroom while keeping a smile on her face.
Yesterday, Eager Beaver, a boy who actively participates in class, was particularly eager to answer Professor E’s questions.
Towards the end of class, Jill was visibly annoyed by Beaver’s participation.
Professor E asked another question to the class. Beaver’s hand shot up. Jill muttered dark threats under her breath and was obviously considering how to make it look like an accident…
Professor E caught Jill’s look of sheer hatred, and then turned to Beaver and said, “You’ve been really good about participating today. How about we give someone else give a chance who hasn’t had the opportunity to speak yet? (then turns to the class) Who wants to speak?”
Other Professor E posts: