About those Joneses…
I often occasionally find myself distracted by the Joneses – those frenemies with glamorous careers, clothes, bodies, blogs, Instagram feeds, etc.
This leads to the occasional happy-hour griping, which my friend Jill often shuts down –
“Remember that for all of your “troubles” you are still in an elite position,” Jill says.
And *sigh* Jill is right.
The Struggle Isn’t Real – I have a law degree from a top school, whereas only a third of Americans between the ages of 25 and 29 have completed bachelor’s degrees or higher, and only 8% of that group had completed a master’s degree or higher.
Most of my coworkers and I make well above the national median for income as well.
The problem, according to research by Ada Ferrer-i-Carbonell at the Barcelona Graduate School of Economics (PDF), is that we tend to only look at those better off than us instead of the full range of possibilities.
We envy those doing better while ignoring our position relative to the whole.
That is why it is easy to dwell on the Highland Park mansions, and not the slums 2 miles away.
Highland Park – Fresh Prince of Bel Aire Style.
A brick Highland Park Mansion with a beautiful entryway.
Some serious landscaping in front of a home in Highland Park, Dallas, Texas.
A fountain in the Highland Park neighborhood of Dallas, Texas.
These asymmetrical comparisons are counter-productive and decrease our quality of life in the long run.
I was reminded about this fact last night when I had dinner with one of my neighbors.
Before becoming a superstar saleswoman at Pepsi Co., my neighbor was a competitive fitness model. Although she had an amazing body, she found the entire experience to be miserable and unfulfilling.
Why Focus Matters
My neighbor’s experience was a matter of focus – being an elite fitness model is a miserable prospect if it means spending all of your time obsessing over your body’s imperfections.
What’s the point of looking better than 99% of the population if your focus is devoted to your fat?
My neighbor may no longer be an elite fitness model, but she’s happier and still pretty damn hot.
Science writer Winifred Gallagher discovered the connection between attention and happiness through her experience with cancer. In her 2009 book Rapt, Gallagher wrote, “This disease wanted to monopolize my attention, but as much as possible, I would focus on my life instead.”
After years of science reporting, Gallagher confirmed her theory that “the skillful management of attention is the sine qua non of the good life and the key to improving virtually every aspect of your experience.”
Our brains create our worldview based on what we pay attention to.
As Gallagher put it – “who you are, what you think, feel, and do, what you love – is the sum of what you focus on.”
Productivity expert Cal Newport uses Gallagher’s research to come to the conclusion that maintaining elite performance and happiness is a matter of managing your attention.
In his book Deep Work, Cal Newport writes that “the skillful management of attention can improve your world without changing anything concrete about it.”
Newport goes on to say that building your working life around the experience of “flow” produced by meaningful work is a proven path to deep satisfaction.
This is a helpful reminder that the more time I spend coveting others, the less likely I am to get on their level.
Books Mentioned in this Post
No Comments