Don’t worry: you all suck.
Professor C: “My guess is, after you read the sample answers for the midterm exam almost every one of you will think you did really crappy.”
How I get you there…
Professor T: “And who decides this?”
Student: “Well, I want to say the jury but I presume you’re going to tell me it’s a judge…”
Professor T: “I would never presume to tell you anything. I’ll just ask you three times until you tell me it’s a judge.”
Witness prep:
Professor T: “As much as you want to prepare your witness, you know that on cross examination opposing counsel is going to have considerable latitude to push them off a cliff.”
Professor T: “And in the process of rehearsing them you record them, so you can play it back to them and show them how shift-eyed they are…”
Professor T: “…and one of his clients was a doctor who was ripped off, but he was the most arrogant, unpleasant… like you have to cut your wrists before you give him any money.”
Check your morals at the door
Professor T: “Does anyone have any problems with manipulating juries? (silence from the class) Great! Because otherwise you’re in the wrong place!”
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