I asked Eric how to describe this, and he said: “Make a funny reference about how you’re doing your laundry and the water isn’t in the tub.”
I think the pictures stand alone:
This will be used to contest any rent increases.
I asked Eric how to describe this, and he said: “Make a funny reference about how you’re doing your laundry and the water isn’t in the tub.”
I think the pictures stand alone:
This will be used to contest any rent increases.
Yesterday I had two oral arguments for moot court. I spent the majority of the afternoon holed up in the library’s computer lab to prep.
There wasn’t a good reason for me to be in the computer lab since I left my student ID in my gym bag and therefore could not print. I think I just like scribbling holdings and doctrines on pieces of paper while watching more prepared students print.
Here was the view:
That’s Riverside Plaza/The Stacks, a sprawling public housing complex that houses America’s biggest population of Somalis. The building feels like the Death Star is looming over the law library…which felt oddly appropriate during my oral argument prep…
I called Lens Crafters between my oral arguments because my eyes have been blaring-red lately and people are starting to suspect that I’ve lost it.
Me: “My eyes have been really red lately when I wearmy contact lenses and I’m wondering if it’s something I’m doing.”
Optometrist: “Are you following my cleaning, rubbing, and storing directions this time?”
Me: “Yes, yes!”
Optometrist: “Hm. Are your eyes getting dry when you wear contacts?”
Me: “They shouldn’t be. I’ve been going through ClearEyes like mad…”
Optometrist: “You’ve been doing WHAT?”
Me: “…uh…using ClearEyes… you know, the eye drops?”
Optometrist: “…yes. The eye drops you’re not supposed to use while wearing contacts…”
Me: “Doh.”
Outside of the oral argument room I ran into Jill, my opponent.
Me: “Apparently you’re not supposed to use ClearEyes with contacts.”
Jill: “Oh duh! There are special eye drops for contacts…”
Well crap. At least I learn something new every day?
I’m reading for tax when I look over and see Gertrude picking up my wallet. I shout at her to drop it. She scampers off.
Then I see:
I’ll see if my warranty covers this foolishness. If not, I may rock a fierce pair of Rottweiler gloves tomorrow ala Cruella de Vil.
Since getting Gertrude, I don’t let Harley sleep on my bed anymore because 2 dogs on the bed makes me feel like I’m sleeping in a homeless shelter. I always wake up to a paw or an ass in my face. They sore, they fart, and that’s just not working for me.
So I cracked down and kicked them both out and they now know to sleep in their doggy beds.
So of course when I’m not looking:
When I told him to get off the bed, he sassed me like, “Psshaw. Please. Who are you to interrupt my slumber?”
Note: Best Week Ever (BWE) posts are a summary of the prior week.
This week had a surreal vacationy feel. It was like spring-break minus the nice weather.There was Trivia, yarking drag queens, dancing, and intense pool tournaments.
On Friday, I somehow found myself at a house party in the exurbs. There were about 8 people, but I only knew Jack. After an unsuccessful game of Categories, Jack’s friends separated into small groups and started bickering.
It was a chaotic scene that felt like an episode of The Real World because the partygoers kept interrupting their trash talk to give me back story as if I was one of the confessionals.
The hostess and her boyfriend fought mostly because he didn’t like her tone, which she couldn’t control because she was drunk. They were too crunk for Jesus to communicate properly, so there was a lot of running around to separate rooms, screaming, and dramatics.
One guy kept rattling on about his most recent trip to jail, and another girl spent a hour telling me an epic story about her evil Russian stepmother. The girl’s stepmother stories apparently enraged one of the partygoers who started mumbling dark threats and eventually went up to the girl and shouted, “NO ONE LIKES YOU! WHY ARE YOU EVEN HERE? NO ONE WANTS YOU HERE! YOU’RE A BITCH!”
This happened as she stood near the hostess’s awkward apartment-mate, who spent most of the evening by himself playing shoot-em-up video games. The gamer and I exchanged a look like “oh snap, thank god we aren’t involved in this….”
Aside from my social activities and Real World cameos, I also worked on my days off from school.
Apparently this is what I look like when I get a securities regulation case at work:
I really like my job, but I hope that if they hire me after graduation that my coworkers won’t wear hot pink skinny pants. Amber was so shocked by the pepto bismol pants on Friday that she sent me an emergency text. It was glorious.
I spent most of my non-working time this weekend cleaning and doing homework. Today I went to Dunn Brothers to study for corporate tax, but I failed to notice that there were no open seats until after I ordered my coffee. So I chugged the coffee and went to the Purple Onion, which is closer to campus.
The cafes immediately surrounding campus aren’t busy at the beginning of the semester since the undergrads are still doing more drinking than reading. They complete the transition from bars to books about a week before finals, so there is room for me for majority of the semester.
The last major thing that happened this week was the end of the relationship.
The cattle call started once my “single” status hit people’s facebook streams – dozens1 of casual friends who barely kept in touch while I had a boyfriend are suddenly coming out of the woodwork and are desperate to “hang out.”
I am like the 10-year old girl who is suddenly popular because she is the first one in her class to use a training bra. I feel suspicious and harassed essentially for the reasons stated in this post.
Over the coming weeks I will weed out the true friends from the fair-weather suitors. We’ll see how that goes.
1 Literally, dozens. My inbox is full. You’d think Beyonce was on auction or something…
Last night I went to the softball fundraiser at The Eagle. The drag queens were hilarious, but one was so drunk that she had to take emergency “powder room” breaks to vomit. We stay classy in Minneapolis…
Doesn’t Buffy look just like Suze Orman?
The boyfriend also broke things off last night.1 We talked by the bar as a drag queen darted behind us to throw up in the bathroom. The timing was great.
It was one of those moments where I felt like an actor in someone else’s movie. All that was missing was “Done with you” slowly fading in and the start of the credits.
Actually, if I was directing, Adele’s “Tired” would come on and I would perform it Bollywood style with a pack of yarking drag queens in the background. That would be awesome.
1 The breakup was amicable and unsurprising. My corporate and international tax books are currently battling as to which class gets to be my rebound.
Driving behind this monstrosity felt like being cast in a Final Destination movie.
I don’t know what’s going on…
I used to have an afro in high school, but I relaxed it after being pulled over and harassed my police too many times. I sometimes wonder how police officers can find the time to harass afro-ed teenagers and fail to pull over trucks like this (or all those people driving around with their side mirrors dangling by a string…) I mean this stacking has to be some sort of violation right?
Maybe I’ll strap my law books to the top of my car and find out…
Me: “Hi, (twitches) I was here last week about my Conlaw II grade…and I was wondering (twitch) what the status on that was…”
Infodesk guy: “Hm. I thought those were in last week. Let me call Registrarman.”
Me (still twitching, and sweating): “Thank you.”
Five minutes later, Registrarman comes out.
Registrarman: “The Conlaw grades were in over a week ago. They should be up.”
Me: “But my grade isn’t up.”
Registrarman: “That’s odd. I posted all of the Conlaw I grades last week…”
Me: “Oh, nono, but I am in Conlaw II!”
Registrarman: “OH! That’s a different course!”
Me (twitch): “Yes. It is. Sorry, I don’t want to be a pest, but, (twitch) I have had all of my other grades for a while, and this the ONLY grade I’m waiting on and…so…um like US Americans and such as…”
Registrarman: “Let me go check that one.”
He disappears for 5 more minutes.
Registrarman: “Your professor has until February 1st to turn the Conlaw II grades in. She’s not late yet.”
Me (twitching, sweating, my deoderant breaking down…): “Oh…okay…thank you…”
I then scurry off awkwardly, trying not to stumble as Registrarman cackles evilly. Womp.
Today was our first and only moot court meeting of the semester. The attorney-instructor whisked through this semester’s requirements, circulated some sign-up sheets, and then asked if we had any questions.
Jill looked around, and then said,
Jill: “I have absolutely no idea what is going on.”
After a collective nervous laugh, the attorney-instructor re-explained how the course works:
Basically, we have an oral argument each week except for the week our brief is due. And we are on a curve, with 9 students with no objective way to evaluate our performance.
Although I had a major “wtf” moment while sitting in the class, the requirements don’t seem so awful now. Revising a moot court brief is not as terrible as writing it, and the oral arguments aren’t burdensome if I properly schedule the arguments.
The trick to moot court (and anything in law school really) is to do the work instead of procrastinating or bitching about it. We’ll see how I do.
The attendance at Trivia was sparse last night. We still won with our three-person team since Randy happened to know 90% of the answers.
Last night was special because of our new Trivia host: Amy.
This is totally a “Paula was okay but Ellen is so much better” situation.
This is Jake, taking pictures on his phone:
He’s really good about taking pictures… posting them is another matter.
And this is Joel’s standard look. He calls it “pondering” but everyone else calls it “bored and unengaged.”
The real message is: “Bitch, my hat is fly. I cannot be bothered.”
Yesterday Joel and I went shopping for toilet seat covers.
Watching Joel ponder the choices was hilarious: white or off-white? Round or oval? Plastic or ceramic? The differences in the potty-seat covers were negligible, but Joel and the Home Depot attendant acted as if Joel was picking something to wear on the red carpet.
I did the same thing last year with Jamie, except for last year we shopped for toilets and this year I’m shopping for toilet seat covers. At this rate my next trip to home depot will be for a plunger or maybe even a toilet brush!! These are wild times people…
Joel and I ran several other errands including a trip past Punch Pizza. Joel had a $6-off coupon, but so did the 100 lined up on the sidewalk in front of the restaurant.
I kept driving because I refuse to wait outside in line for anything in freezing temperatures unless it involves getting my car out of an impound lot or free Beyonce tickets. And unless Beyonce was breaking it down in the Pizzeria, I didn’t miss much. Next time Punch!
I am sitting in the e-commons1 between my international and corporate tax classes. I am halfway through the reading for my real estate seminar when this girl walks in and sits at my table.
She’s wearing a lime green Aéropostale jumpsuit with uggs, and is soaked (SOAKED!) in perfume. People around us look up. Some cough. I stifle a wretch.
My first impulse was to jump up and scream, “HARK! SHE’S TRYING TO KILL US ALL! MUSTARD GAS ATTACK! MUSTARD GAS ATTACK! BOO HAK-HAK-HAK!!” and then run out of the room with my arms flailing, …but that never goes well so I just sat there and tried to not vomit.
Later, as I walked to class, I realized that Rainbow Brite’s perfume was so strong that I now smelled like it. I was unamused.
Before I could get too hysterical about the involuntary perfuming, I ran into Sideshow Bob, the resident crazy-homeless person in the Westbank skyway. Bob sits around the skyway and heckles people or reads scripture. It is hard to focus on an involuntary perfuming when a toothless man is shouting the good-word in the hallway.
Sideshow Bob was still looming around the skyway’s convenience store when I returned later in the afternoon. But this time he found a chair and started chanting in Spanish. Si, si!
I think the key to school etiquette is not being distracting. I don’t want to be nasally assaulted by your cologne, harassed by your screaming of scripture, interrupted by your library phone calls, or bored by your in-class tangents. And this applies to the random homeless people, scantily clad undergrads, and yes, even law students.
1 The e-commons (essentials market commons) is a dimly lit cafeteria space in the westbank skyway. It is essentially a bunch of tables in a basement room where people study between classes.
Minneapolis is one huge ice rink.
This morning I fell while walking the dogs down the hill. I fell on my hip and then crashed into the dogs like a human bowling ball. Yelping and shouting ensued. I then sat on the ground laughing like an idiot while the dogs looked at me like, “Why in the hell did you do that!?”
The skyway at school was soaked from people’s boots. I almost had a repeat of this morning’s fall and slipped 4 times in 40 seconds. I expect a tuition credit when I break my ankle.
Spring semester started, I think?
It was a strange week. I worked through Monday, and school started on Tuesday.
This week I had family law, corporate tax, advanced estate planning, and a housing clinic. I dropped the clinic before the end of the first session because it sounded like a miserable time-suck. I did that “oh we’ll see how this works out” bit last semester and I’m over it. I know what I want in a class and will drop accordingly.1
Law school has definitely lost its new car smell; I am bored and annoyed. Does Jack have to raise his hand in every class? Where is my Conlaw II grade? And why is it okay for people to go barefoot in school? If you can’t roll into a McDonald’s barefoot then it shouldn’t be acceptable at a professional school – just saying…
I don’t exactly march around school shooting bitchy looks at people, but I am no longer the chipper, lingering 1L.
Things outside of school are vastly more interesting. The dogs keep me busy and amused at home when I’m not skipping off to work or being social. The “being social” bit this week included Trivia night at Innuendo, the Colbie Caillat/Uncle Kracker concert and the Loring Pasta bar with Joel, Avatar with Eric, and random bar-club hilarity that included black-eyes and boyish lesbian DJs.
So of course by Friday I was run-down and sick, popped enough cold and allergy medication to offend my liver, and woke up early enough on Saturday to start my 10-hour workday at 5:30am.
By Saturday night I felt better so I hosted a movie night at my place featuring Revolutionary Road, Humpday, State of Play, and red stripe.
Today I worked, went to Wal-Mart, did laundry, cooked for the week, and finally combated the hostile occupation of grime on my stove. I smell like vinegar and Lysol…which isn’t a terrible way to end the first week of spring semester.
1I added International Tax Law to replace the credits lost by the clinic. It’s at 8:30am on Mondays and Tuesdays, but it means that I have Thursday and Friday off from school. It isn’t truly a 4-day weekend because I am working, but I prefer to do my 20 hours over a 4-day work week than a 2 day weekend.
These are the songs that made me shimmy and shake this week:
My college dorm rooms were a little… colorful?
Our epic night started with an epic movie – Avatar.
I was weary of that movie. I am not a big science fiction fan, and the poster of the blue people looked ridiculous. However, this is the most talked-about movie since Paranormal Activity, so I gave into the buzz. Eric was the best person to go with because it was his 4th time seeing the movie!
We went to the swank ShowPlace ICON theater in St. Louis Park. The theater has a free parking ramp, a lounge and bar, and HD menus at the concession stand.
I thought it was odd that the theater had numbered rows and seats like an airplane. This is a great idea for busier nights, but the theater had about 20 people in it and all of us sat awkwardly close together.
Eric and I were in an empty row when this odd man plops in the seat right next to me. Of course it is his assigned seat. A few minutes later, Oddball inserts himself into our conversation and starts telling us his childhood stories. Oddball is about to launch into another story when three of my classmates enter the theater, greet me, and inform us “bitch, you’re in our seats!”
Turns out we didn’t know how to read the row numbers.
So we happily move away from Oddball and nestled in the better, actually-assigned seating for nearly 3 hours of intense cinematography. The movie had stunning special effects, but my attention eroded during the last 20 minutes because the movie was so damn long…
Afterwards we met up with Sabrina at the 19 Bar, where we danced to Beyonce and got into a heated conversation with a boyish lesbian DJ about house music.
Then we went to the Saloon. It was hip-hop night and we had a hilarious time, but there was also at least one black eye and several people yarking all over the place – no one in our party of course, because we keep it classy…
There was also a trip to the Uptown Diner and Eric finally got to meet Gertrude, who has taken a liking to him:
I wonder if I can get shots of all of my friends with the dogs…
Today was a little miserable. My nose started running at the Saloon last night and I assumed that it was another allergic reaction to Eric’s cats. This afternoon the nasal congestion turned into full blown sneezing sickness, so I am going to take my diseased self to bed. After the dog walk of course…
Last night Joel and I went to the KS95 concert at the Varsity Theater. The concert’s headliners were Uncle Kracker and Colbie Cailatt.
Uncle Kracker’s performance was underwhelming. He just sat the entire time and had minimal crowd interaction. Colbie, whose name I can’t pronounce, was really pleasant to watch and listen to. She’s no Lady Gaga, Brit-Brit, or Beyonce…but she’s a little livelier than Nora Jones and a little less scandalous than Miley.
After the show, Joel and I went to Loring Pasta Bar for a little come-to-Jesus meeting, where Joel had Jesus lighting:
Which brings up a tangent I forgot to go on: the ridiculousness that is becoming “facebook official.”
Facebook official status seems like a casual, trivial thing, but it is actually like sending an engagement announcement to your 600 not-so-closest friends.
Then, after a few weeks or months (when the honeymoon heat fades) facebook-official status can create an awkward feeling of entrapment. Is the other person as serious as you are? Does someone want to break up? Is he a vampire? Are you willing to make that facebook change and take the aftermath?
It’s like calling off a wedding – no one ever believes that the bride and groom sat down calmly over coffee and mutually parted ways. No, everyone from your school dean to your mom will imagine some grand Revolutionary-Road style fight. There has to be screaming, shattered glass, a restraining order, a dead hamster… ie, drama.
None of that happened last night at the Pasta bar. It was more “Can you meet me half way?” than “Ring the Alarm” and there’s no break up or restraining order that I’m aware of. Now the hamster is another matter…
I dropped my Housing Clinic before the first session ended.
Today’s class was a blitzkrieg of red flags which made it clear that the clinic would make me miserable. The directors spoke in terms of “amorphous grading,” last minute changes, and court times that force students to skip class.
They also hinted that housing cases move so fast that “good enough” would have to suffice for court preparation, and the student directors said that some of the hearings were so brief that they sometimes only had time to spurt out their first, best argument.
I need a break this semester. I want to snuggle up with the dogs and the tax code. Rushing around crazy and sleep deprived because I let some irrelevant1 clinic play Godzilla to the Tokyo of my schedule is not going to happen. “Looks good on the resume” be damned.
So I am the newest member of the morning international tax course, and so grateful that I put my foot down, and fled.
1 Irrelevant to my career goals.
Spring semester started, somehow. That means winter break is over.
I had this vision (delusion) of winter break as this slow, peaceful thing filled with vast amounts of free time. Instead, winter break was characterized by 10-hour1 workdays, epic nights out with long-neglected friends in Minneapolis and Miami, and a slowly deteriorating apartment.
The apartment was so disorderly by the end of break that I would only let Phillip see it. Then came the second dog, a massive apartment scrub down, and – yep – classes again.
This semester is more exciting and less cluttered. Two of my professors are partners at law firms, and one of my professors has reached an age and level of prestige where she just can drop F-bombs in class. I love it.
There are also no more 8am classes, ridiculously stacked2 days, and I started going to the gym again! I am beside myself with joy.
And no class on Friday. Oh yeah.
The only class3 I have yet to have is my housing clinic. This is my first clinic4 and I’m not sure what to expect. I guess I’ll find that out tomorrow.
Tonight I’m seeing Joel, who has been MIA, and we are going to the Colbie Caillat/Uncle Kracker/Theory of a Deadman concert. The concert sounds a tad less exciting than a Beyonce concert, but not quite as bad a root canal. We’ll see how this goes.
1 This was because I worked full time, but 3 of the 4 weeks of break were compressed. One week was compressed because finals ended on Tuesday, and the two weeks abutting the Miami trip were also shortened. This is why I had to work 10 hour days to get my time in.
2 Stacked days mean stacked books. Last semester I had to carry around an overnight bag just for my books. This semester I only have two 1-inch books. This is so awesome I might cry.
3 Class, ie, not moot court. I have no idea what’s going with that…
4 One thing I like about this semester is that my classes are very practical and relevant to my goals. I came to law school to practice estate planning, but I really like tax law, so I was excited when my estate planning seminar professor told me that estate planning is laden with tax issues.