My family law exam is done! Bam-chika-wow-wow…
My family law exam is done! Bam-chika-wow-wow…
I’m hammering out my Family law outline when I find a snippet of Professor W among my notes:
Professor W: “It is your responsibility to tell me if you cannot hear me. My mic is not working. It doesn’t like me. It senses that I am afraid of it as a technical device and stops working just to test me. That’s just my imagination right?”
Professor W: “What’s so wrong with swearing? The most wonderful word in the English language is that four letter word that begins with “f” and ends with “k.”
Professor A: “Someone asked me to record today’s class because they said they were sick. I couldn’t tell if they were sick-sick or just sick of class.”
Professor A: “Like everything else in the internal revenue code, this is misleading and needlessly complex…”
Professor W: “Is Mr. Jack here? Mr. Jack? Ah yes. So the footnote on page 701 reminds me of you. Are you embarrassed?”
Jack: “I’m slightly embarrassed, Mam.”
Professor W: “Well the note reminds me of you.”
Jack: “Why is that Mam?”
Professor W: “Because the litigant calls everyone Mam, just like you do.”
Jack: “Well, in my defense Mam, I did offer to call you Young Miss.”
Professor W: “Why use two words when one will do?! Besides both are equally inappropriate.”
The fun continues in Family Law:
Professor W: “What about gambling? Does anyone gamble? Who has ever gambled? Jill?”
Jill: “Well, I bet on sports. It’s like drinking a beer while watching a game! If you have $5 riding on it then the most boring game becomes the most exciting thing you have ever seen in your life!”
Today in family law Professor W told us what we already suspected:
Professor W: “The correlation between divorce grounds and the rate of divorce is weak. Sort of like the correlation between doing well in law school and doing well in practice… […]
One of today’s topics in my Family Law class was restrictions on parents’ rights to name their children.
Family law is a huge class. There are over 100 people in the room, but instead of deterring embarrassing and irrelevant comments, the class size seems to ensure that every loon in the law school is represented ala But No Thanks.
The conversation got so ridiculous that people openly laughed at the speakers.
One can only take a mother’s right to name her child “5 + 5” so seriously, but there was a boy who said that the name would be fine if it was written “Five plus Five” instead of numericals.
The best comment was not by one of the loons, but by a rather pleasant girl who shall forever be known as Ms. Ass:
Ms. Ass: “…I get what he’s saying about names. My parents love me, but my initials are “ASS.”
I was only briefly traumatized in 2nd grade when the 5th graders found out… but in undergrad, Bumble University used our initials as our email address. So when applying to law school, I had to get documentation from Bumble U that I did not pick “ASSØØ4@bumble.edu” to be my email.”
I love it.
The class has slowly deteriorated…
Jill is harsh.
Professor W: “Those you in the class with kids! What if your kid was 15 and wanted to marry a 48-year-old guitar teacher. What would you do?”
Jill: “All girls boarding school!”
Professor W: “Where they beat them?”
Jill: “Sure!”
Professor W: “Or where they handcuff them to the bed at night?”
Jill: “Well if she wanted to marry a 48-year-old…”
Professor W doesn’t agree.
Professor W: “Should the husband be allowed after 25 years to go “oh we weren’t married at all …hahaha fuck you?’ Well? Should he, Judge Smith? Will you let him do that?”
Jack: “Yes!”
Professor W: “NO YOU WILL NOT!”
Professor W returns. I had her for Wills & Trusts last summer, and now I am in a 100-person Family Law course with her. I didn’t take Family Law for the blog fodder, seriously…but…
The old “is the used book okay?” question:
Professor W: “People ask me the difference between the 4th edition of the book and the old one. And I don’t know how to answer that. How much is the new book?”
Jill: “$150!”
Professor W: “Good god! And how much is the old book?”
Jack: “I got it for $10.”
Professor W: “Wow…that’s a difference…well, what would you spend the extra money on?”
Jack: “Well, when I bought the used book for Wills & Trusts, I used the extra money to go to a Packers game, and I thought that was a good investment!”
Professor W: “That doesn’t sound appealing to me at all! Good thing we are different. And you might be dead tomorrow. You might not have a chance to spend that money. Buy the new book”
About love and marriage:
Professor W: “It’s because of this western notion that we make lifetime commitments for “love,” which is really dumb. There are so many better reasons to marry than love that are more binding. Why do you think so many of your friends are divorcing? It’s because they entered into this thing with unrealistic expectations!”
Professor W:”Another problem is that we live too long. It might be alright to marry for love if your life expectancy is 37, but if you live to 100 – my god – that’s a long time to be with one person. How dull!”