harley Archives - Page 2 of 3

The bath

June 19, 2009

The dog’s shedding.

For the past few days I’ve found little tumble-weeds of dog hair all over the apartment. I expected that cacti and cowboy shootouts to materialize any moment…

When I got home today there was a little mound of hair near Harley’s kennel and I had had it.

I looked at the dog and informed him it was on.

So a few minutes later I was wrestling a 100lb dog into the bathtub…and Harley got his first-ever bath.

So yeah. He was not thrilled.

But I’m glad I did it because:

I know. Ew.

But better in the tub than all over the apartment!

dogs / video

Best Summer Ever Weeks 3 & 4

June 14, 2009

Oy vey. The past two weeks? Well, I started summer school and stopped petitioning. Once I stopped petitioning I focused on getting my apartment in order and then tried to maintain my enthusiasm for Professional Responsibility.

I also worked a lot, and ran from random teenager shooters when I came home. Oh, and of course there were drag shows and random hot messes too…

Minneapolis has been Renaissance-fair soggy¹ for the past few weeks, but today the temperature was in high 70’s and it felt unbearably hot.

I walked Harley around campus and he was all, “Okay, seriously, this heat is some bullshit.”

“Yea, this heat thing? No. It’s not working. FIX IT!

He didn’t stop shooting me glares until I let him run in the river:

And it was hot enough that he dried out before we got back to the car. Score.

The summer is shaping up to be wonderfully breezy: work, class, hanging out, repeat.

The marathon training is not going well however. I need to unleash my inner Jillian Michaels this week… it’s just a matter of finding the appropriate wig and snarl…

¹ Seriously, mold and plague.

dogs / picture of the day

Harley says..

June 8, 2009

“Oh, I see. Why doesn’t my Kennel have fancy blue sheets?”

“I unleash the dragon…breath.”

“You are getting sleepy.”

dogs / my legal space / picture of the day

The Mind Reader

June 3, 2009

Funny, I was thinking the same thing:

1L summer / dogs / Gibs

Are you thinking about the squirrel too?

May 25, 2009

Gibs and I walked Harley last night. We are crossing a street when Harley stops in the middle of the street:
Me: “What is in his mouth?”
Gibs: “Oh, it’s probably just a piece of bark…”
Me: “No, I think it’s a DEAD ANIMAL!”
Gibs: “But it’s so dark and flat.”
Me: “Maybe you’re right…”
Gibs searches his pockets for his cellphone and I search my pockets for a doggy bag. I’m using the doggy bag to remove the thing from Harley’s mouth when Gibs uses his cellphone to shine some light on the thing:
Me: “IT’S A SQUIRREL!”
Gibs: “A squirrel?”
Me: “A pancaked, run-over squirrel! That is disgusting! Remind me not to let him lick the squirrel juices on me later, because I’m going to forget...”
I chuck the squirrel-cake in the bushes and we keep walking.

Later that night we are walking up Nicollet Avenue when we see this guy stumbling towards us. The guy is in his 20’s, has a big frizzy ponytail, and is high out of his mind. So of course Friz wants to meet the dog.
Friz: “Can I pet your doggy?!”
Gibs is giving me the “WHAT THE HECK/OH MY GOD/DON’T YOU DARE” look.
Me: “Sure.”
Friz falls to the floor, grabs Harley’s face, and starts cooing and kissing him. Gibs and I exchange a “Is this guy serious?” look.

Friz then lets Harley lick all over his face.
Me (to Gibs): “Are you thinking about the squirrel too? Muhahaha…”
Friz then gets a little too comfortable with Harley. He gives him a full body hug, and then tries to PICK HIM UP.

Gibs’s face says: “WHAT WHAT WHAT?”
Harley’s face says: “Um…thou did not.”

Friz stumbles back and drops Harley. Harley walks away like, “No, fool, you are done.”
Friz: “Come back!”
Harley gives him the “bitch please” look and we keep walking.¹

¹ Gibs thought it was crazy that I let Friz pet the dog, but I explained that the dead-squirrel-licking made it totally worth it. Also, I trust that a bullmastiff will let someone know when they cross the line…

1L summer / dogs

A dog called patience

May 21, 2009

I’m letting my 100-pound, drooling, farting, slobbering dog sleep in my bed tonight.

I was at work for about 12 hours and then got stuck in traffic – at 11pm – for about a half hour.¹

Meanwhile back at the ranch: Harley was sitting in the kennel.

I fully expected him to bite me when I got home, but he just wagged his tail and then went to the kitchen to eat.

My goodness…

¹ This was 35W, which is Minneapolis’s answer to Miami’s Palmetto (ie, the huge highway that always seems to be under construction. Tonight they narrowed the highway to 2 lanes. Traffic is backed up for miles.

dogs

Harley vs. Beebee

May 17, 2009

The food poisoning has not gotten better…at all.

But there are clothes to be washed, a dog to be walked, and Erie analysis to be relearned.

Now I usually look proper. Not slovenly, not stinky, etc. But I figured that it was okay to look a hot mess for at least one day since I’ve been studying civpro with a stomach¹ verging on 1.5.

So, I’m in the stairwell, wrestling Harley in one hand, and carrying a fist full of stinky socks that I wanted to add to the laundry…and of course I run into Mr. Big.

Mr. Big is the smooth upstairs neighbor. Think Hugh Jackman with a deep Barry White voice. Oh my goodness… Mr. Big also has a pissy boxer dog, who I call Bitch Boxer, or BeeBee.

Mr. Big was walking BeeBee so, BeeBee and Harley had to do the obligatory crotch inspection. Mr. Big started talking when Beebee was all up in Harley’s nether regions:
Mr. Big: “Has your dog gotten any bigger?”
Me: “Oh, he’s filled out but he’s full grown.”
Mr. Big: “Oh, I thought you said³ he was going to get much bigger…”
Me: “Oh…erm… well he was underweight when I got him, but I want him to get obese so…”
Just then BeeBee completely snapped⁴ at Harley and almost bit his face off. Harley bounced back, and Mr. Big and I were both shouting at our dogs and attempting to pass each other in the stairwell. It felt like a bar brawl and ended with Harley and I tumbling down the stairs….

On the continuum of “bad interactions with hot neighbors” this was somewhere in between inappropriate hallway flatulence and my dog mauling the neighbor… but at least I didn’t drop any dirty socks!

¹ Oh yes, I went there…but it’s part of the story.
² As Kimora Lee Simmons always says, “Dress like you’re going to meet your worst enemy.”
³ Apparently Mr. Big remembered my description of American Mastiffs… which Harley isn’t…oops.
⁴ Out of the 100 or so dogs he’s met, I’ve never seen him snap back at a dog. Beebee is special.

dogs

An Apology

May 16, 2009

Dear Cheeky Third Grader from the elementary school down the block:

I apologize for threatening to sic Michael Jackson on you. Turns out that you were right! My dog is a Bullmastiff, and not an American Mastiff as I previously thought.

Although it’s easy to mistake him for an American Mastiff… I mean, look at that face:

He SO does not have the bitter-beer/Reese Witherspoon face like all the other Bullmastiffs!

But anyhoot, I checked his vaccination papers this weekend and sure enough it says “Bullmastiff.” This you were right, I was wrong, and I apologize.

Although I might still send Michael over since you said that my mug looks like my dog…we’ll see.

Love,
Jansen.

1L Spring Finals / dogs

Corporate law, puke, and flying lessons

May 15, 2009

Last night I was done.

I was ready to give up law school, and thinking about how to ask my boss to keep me on until I find a bartending job…

I cooked some questionable beef patties² and just stared at my Corporations outline.

My confidence in that Corporations had been completely undermined by our midterm. Although I didn’t do horribly on the midterm, I was frustrated because I didn’t understand half of Professor M’s model answer. This hasn’t happened to me before.

There was this nebulous thing called Delaware Corporate law and I apparently didn’t get it, which is a huge problem for someone who is pursuing a business law concentration.

I also felt the undergrad business majors/MBA students in my class would ensure me a spot on top of the curve right in between to the girl who never attended class and the boy who we all suspect is clinically retarded…

In short: I was cranky.

After watching the Charlie Rose interview with Scalia I tried to get back into my Corporate law groove, if there was ever such a thing... I replayed my Corporations Final playlist and remained in my funk.

I then had an epiphany! It was as if Scalia was talking to me directly: If I was confused about Delaware Corporate law I should probably reread the DGCL statutes that were assigned!

Gasp, reading the law… what a concept! Turns out that’s all I needed to do. Problem solved!

The rest of the evening was productive and I was in bed around midnight…

I woke up around 2am because I heard thrashing and cursing. I peeked out of my bedroom window to see an obese girl in basketball shorts throwing rocks at downstairs neighbor’s window.² From what I could gather from Ms. Pillsbury’s screams, it seems like downstairs Neighbor kicked her out, and she was upset.

I ignored Ms. Pillsbury and went back to bed.

When my alarm clock woke me up this morning I had to over my mouth to keep myself from yarking all over my bed. That suspect beef patty I had for dinner was officially past its prime. I was nauseous for the majority of the morning….

I walked the dog and lugged myself to school, hoping that my face wasn’t green.

I felt better once the final started. The final was not bad at all. Professor M promised a “standard law school exam” and that’s what he delivered.

But, of course all of the statutes I had lovingly relearned the night before were useless. But having practically memorized the restatement of agency during last semester’s Contracts course was helpful.

After the exam, I went to the Gamma house and packed up more of my things.³

I boxed as much as I could and then drove to UPS. My mother bought me three bookshelves and a …desk/dining table/I don’t know what it’s going to be.

My car was so packed that it felt like driving a Jenga box home.

It took 8 trips to get everything into the apartment.

Harley and I then worked on our flying lessons at the park: there’s a large, steep staircase at the park with a smooth bike ramp]. The stairs are a little too steep for Harley to walk comfortably, so he decided to walk on the smooth bike ramp.

Of course my dog is WAY TOO HEAVY to do that, and with one loud yelp he started to fly down the incline, dragging me with him.

This was a sequel to Wednesday night’s flying lesson which started with the puke that was all over the hallway when I came home from work. Of course I forget about the chunk-fest and walk Harley down that staircase.

Harley, sensing something disgusting, JUST HAD TO SMELL IT. The only problem was that he was walking on the other side of the staircase, and in the process of launching towards the puke, he tripped and we both literally flew down the rest of the staircase and crashed in front of downstairs neighbor’s door.⁴ Oh my goodness.

Harley is exhausted from all the dog-sniffing and duck chasing at the lake. I’m exhausted from my fun-yet-unnecessary foray into Delaware Corporate law.

The rest of the 1Ls are done with class and going out… I still have to take the CivPro final on Monday, and unpack the freight-disaster that is the living room, so I’m going to bed and getting an early start tomorrow…

¹ Questionable as in…it was Thursday night and I had bought them on Sunday or Monday. So it wasn’t within the “cook or freeze within 48 hours” time period.
² Which is sufficiently random to suit my apartment building.
³ I’m annoyed that I haven’t completed the move-out yet. Part of the reason I still have stuff at the Gamma house is the whole “getting shot right before finals” bit. Another reason is that my apartment building has limited street parking. Moving heavy boxes is one thing… but having to carry heavy boxes two blocks and up four flights of stairs is another.
⁴I scrambled up and booked it before anyone had a chance to peak into the hallway.

Law School – 1L

Kalibah, halibah, boop.

May 13, 2009

When I parked my car this evening there was a looming, hooded figure on the side of the apartment building across the street.¹

I walked to my apartment building and got Harley-Scalia out of the kennel.² My car was the first stop on our evening walk.

When we got to my car, the looming figure across the street was replaced with Herbert, one of the neighborhood crazies.

Herbert³ is an older, smoking man who has serious insomnia issues. And of course he starts talking to me from across the street:
Herbert (shouting over): “I’m not gonna sleep to-night! Da wind is a-howlin!”
I decide to have a “boom to bums” moment⁴ and responded:
Me: “Kaliba boop boop kalibah halibah?”
Herbert drew on his cigarette and nodded as if I had said something deep. I decided I had had enough fun talking gibberish to the crazy – I smiled politely and told Harley to Kalibah Halibah so we could go.

And yes, Kalibah-Halibah is Harley’s new command for “come here.”

¹ ala Crimlaw hypo.
² which he has taken to rather nicely…now all the apartment destruction is done by me…
³ Oh yeah. Family guy reference.
⁴ “Sometimes when people get crazy with you, you gotta get crazy with them.”

1L Spring Finals / dogs

The study break

May 10, 2009

So, I was working on a practice exam for tomorrow’s final when Harley walks up to me, sniffs my knee, and then walks to the wall and PEES ON IT.

I had an Alley McBeal hallucination moment where I saw myself screaming “FALAFEL!!” and lunging at him. I know that’s random…and actually, it might have been more productive because when I started to scold him the started running to the sofa…

…the only problem was that Harley was NOT DONE PEEING! So I chased him throughout the apartment yelling at him to turn off the faucet. Dis-aster.

I just wanted to concentrate on Mens Rea and not slash around in a pee slip-n-slide!

After mopping and spraying down the entire apartment, I grabbed the dog, threw him in the car, and booked it to Wal-Mart.

Harley’s now the proud new owner of a kennel.

He goes in there willingly so half the battle is over. I’m super-excited that I can leave books out now without the fear shredding.

Horrah!…now back to Mens Rea…

1L Spring Finals / 1L Spring Summaries / dogs / humor

Best Week Ever #16: yellow love and the creep

May 10, 2009

I think that thing they call spring is here.

The grass started turning green a month ago, but the trees have remained leafless – until this week. Sometime overnight all the trees decided to blossom.

It’s as if the mayor pressed some secret spring button.¹

I feel like I’m in some parallel Paula Dean Garden universe. I got so used to winter that I forgot that there are other seasons…

Harley and I spent the week exploring the extensive park system in the neighborhood. The amount of parks, lakes, and nature trails surrounding downtown is ridiculous.

I suspect I moved back to Germany and no one has told me yet, especially when I look at the Fachwerk houses in the neighborhood:

I need to stop bringing coffee on these walks. The same thing happens every time: I start the walk with a cup of coffee and when we are 4 or 5 miles from home I realize “oh shit, I need to pee.”

This is of course the point when Harley gets tired and is all, “wait, why are we rushing all of the sudden?”

He then decides that every tree, squirrel, and gardener is worth inspection.

My bladder starts crying…and disaster strikes.²

And don’t be fooled by the “Minnesota Nice” stereotype – even Minnesotans will give you filthy looks when you’re raging down the street, screaming “GOD DAMN DA COFF-FAAAY!!!” while grabbing your crotch and dragging a 100lb dog…

There have been plenty of times this week when I’ve wanted to scream upon getting home. Harley has started trashing the apartment.

I tweeted about the destruction and was directed by @Karpul to this article on the Humane Society Website. The topic? Dog Separation Anxiety. The gist? He’s destroying the apartment because he misses me and loves me.

Now before you say “awe” remember I am not seeing love when I’m cleaning up shredded novels marinating in puddles of piss.

No. That ain’t love.

And of course the article says scolding the dog will ONLY MAKE IT WORSE!

Well… crap!

You mean I come home to a destroyed, pee-soaked apartment and I can’t bitch at anyone? This is supremely unfair.

And the most ridiculous thing is that Harley didn’t start this chaos until recently. I guess that means he didn’t like me enough before…

In order to help him adjust, I decided to study at Dunn Brothers today. I left Harley a pork bone and hoped for the best. Of course he completely demolished the kitchen – broke dishes, dragged the trash everywhere, and then pissed all over the front door.

And no, he did not need to pee – we had gone on a two hour walk this morning. Minneapolis is perfumed with this dog’s pee. It was pure spite…or according to the humane society, yellow love…

One redeeming thing about Harley is his “don’t mess with me or I’ll eat you” size. He even keeps Mel away.

However, Harley’s size did fail to keep the crazy away this week – we were walking in Uptown (on Lyndale) when I saw this sketchtastic guy sitting at a bus stop across the street.

He was bald, pasty-white, emaciated, and had no eye brows ala Alexander Litvinenko (or Powder) and of course STARING RIGHT AT ME.

So I smiled politely and directed Harley down the street. Of course a few blocks later I see that powder had crossed the street and was storming down the sidewalk right behind us! I have seen waaay too many zombie movies for this to be okay. Seriously, this guy looked like the last day of chemo…or day 28…

So I took a sharp turn and literally RAN down the block as much as I could before he made it to the corner. What the hay…

The sprint worked, but I ran into the creep at another bus stop on Hennepin. He glared at me from across the street. I wondered if Harley would catch whatever that guy had if Harley decided to eat him…

In addition to running from zombies and cleaning up pee, I took my first final exam this week. The subject was Property, and it was not as horrible as everyone expected. My only grief is that there were NO future interests/estates problems! Not a single one!

All that time spent on learning the vesting categories? A waste.

The $20 I spent on the supplemental future interest book? An utter waste…especially since I barely looked at the book…

Tomorrow is my Criminal Law Final, and Friday is Corporations. Crimlaw is strangely pleasant to study…which is odd given how incredibly dull that class was…

I’ve also spent an inordinate amount of time thinking about “what kind of law I want to practice” and decided that it’s a silly question. I am not so limited in my interests that I wouldn’t be perfectly content practicing in most fields. I know that seems sacrilegious to say, but I don’t think I’m the only person who likes law enough to be happy in most fields…

Heck, I think most students at my school would be open to most areas of law. And most of us feel silly when lawyers (and parents, and friends) ask us what field we want to practice in, since the first year of law school gives us no clue of what private practice is actually like.³

There are a few former Business School kids and future public defenders who know exactly what they want to do (to the exclusion of all other opportunities) but most of us have no idea…

The real question is what type of firm will hire me? I love my school, but I’m aware of its limitations. UMN is reputable enough that nearly everyone will pass the bar, but not so prestigious that everyone will have a job upon graduation.

I have decided that the answer is not to claw my way into the top 5% since even biglaw has its problems.

The point (for me at least) isn’t to get a prestigious job just because that’s what everyone else is doing. My goal is to have a career that allows me to do challenging work and pay off my student loans before I’m 40.

…oh, and a job that allows me to afford dog training…since I’m sick of this yellow love business.

¹ I’m pretty sure it’s between the “easy” button and the Taco Bell button.
² And I can’t tie him up and run into a coffee shop or something because I always feel like a horrible dog owner doing that… plus I’m sure there’s some sort of ordinance against that.
³ I think that’s why next year’s 1Ls will be required to take a “work of the lawyer” course.

dogs

Just a sweater

May 10, 2009

I’m walking Harley in Uptown when we run into a girl wearing a FSU sweater.
FSU girl: “Cute dog!”
Me: “Thanks! FSU? That’s funny. I went to UM.”
FSU girl looks at my chest and then looks at me like “wait, are you stupid or crazy?”

I look down and realize that I’m wearing a UMinnesota T-shirt.
Me: “Oh, no, sorry. I meant that I went UM as in the University of Miami. I’m at the University of Minnesota for grad school.”
FSU girl: “Oooh! Okay. Funny! I did my undergrad at the University of Minnesota!”
Me: “Oh, so did you ever go to Florida State University?”
FSU girl: “Nope.¹ It’s just a sweater!”

¹ This actually made me feel better since I’ve seen two junkies in Uptown wearing UMiami clothes…

dogs

It’s better to wipe.

May 9, 2009

If I don’t wipe Harley’s mouth immediately after he drinks this happens:

He first drips all over the floor and then comes and wipes his face off on my pant leg, especially if I’m working a freshly ironed pair of slacks for work…

dogs

Welcome to the neighborhood

May 9, 2009

I ran into Mel¹ while walking Harley last night. I was near Starbucks, talking to a pug-owner.

The pug was busy sniffing.
Harley was busy ignoring.

Mel turned the corner and was startled by my dog:

Molly (to the dog): “Ack! What the FUCK is your big ass doing out here? You needs to be home!”

Molly then stumbles off. Pug owner gives me a freaked out look. Like, “is she going to cut me?”

Me: “Welcome to the neighborhood!”

¹ Mel aka, the local semi-homeless druggie.

dogs / picture of the day

The sleep button

May 8, 2009

I’ve discovered that if you rub Harley’s forehead between his eyes, he goes to sleep.

1L Spring Finals / dogs / my legal space

Limited appeal.

May 7, 2009

I reviewed property between dog walks.

I ran into my downstairs neighbor during my first walk. I was surprised to see him awake and intoxicated so early…no-so-good morning to you too! He gets this gooey look when he sees my dog and starts cooing.¹ I smile politely and keep it moving.

The neighbor’s debauchery was the soundtrack for today’s property review. The final is tomorrow.

Harley’s second walk was spurred by my apartment building’s fire alarm. I immediately thought of how horrible it would be to have to call the dean and say, “Hi, can I write my exam? Turns out I lost laptop in a fire yesterday…”

I grabbed Harley, my property books, and laptop and skipped out of the building. There was no way in hell I was going to miss another final due to some unexpected remmidemmi…

I refuse to be that kid twice.

I threw my school stuff in the car and took Harley on his second walk.

The building was still intact when I came back. The cause of the alarm was the downstairs neighbor’s burning cooking. Downstairs neighbor was in the hallway shouting “CALIFORNIA!” when I came back. I resisted the urge to shout “ITS ALL ABOUT FLORIDA FOO!”

I decided it was time to finally cook a legitimate meal. I think I did alright:

Yes. I know. Mad culinary skills! And I only² burned the rice…

Harley and I just got back from our third walk. We were at the end of my street when we ran into a middle-aged man with a dog.

He gave me the look.³

I smiled politely and kept it moving.
I turned the corner…and he was walking the other way, so I thought it was a done-datta…

But of course two blocks later he’s behind us and insists that our dogs meet.

He tells me that the dog was his partner’s idea and was really interested in my walking schedule. He walks around this time every night you know?

Oh really? I’m sure your partner is well aware of that too…

Now, maybe I’m being cynical. Maybe he’s a perfectly normal, social person and I’m just the snotty 20-something that assumes every 40 year old wants him.

That could be…But I have somehow managed to establish myself as prime territory for the married, mentally handicapped, and fast-food workers. Oh my goodness.

I’ll work on appealing to normal guys after finals…

¹ You’d think it’s the crack, but other people do it too…maybe Harley’s just cute?
² And I only set off my apartment’s fire alarm…I wouldn’t want to steal the neighbor’s thunder…
³ Okay, so that video that I linked has a pretty raunchy title, but it describes what gay men go through PERFECTLY – “it’s a very violating gaze that literally eats your soul…it’s a penetrating gaze that goes to your heart of who you are and hurts.” – welcome to my world… also, what he says about eye contact is EXACTLY what happened. Bah…

dogs / Whittier / Uptown Minneapolis

What in the world?

May 6, 2009

I knew there was something afoot the second I stepped into my apartment.

The futon was flipped over and Harley was giving me the “oh shit” look.
I told him to stop wagging his tail like that and started inspecting the damage.
Aside from the futon, nothing was unusual in the living or dining room…kitchen was fine…and so was the bathroom…

…so of course the bullshit was in my bedroom. Harley’s leash was on my bed, and so was half of my lay figure (wooden drawing mannequin). The other half was in shards on the side of the bed.

I was not amused.

Harley jumped on the bed and it looked like he was covering something… or was that a shadow? No…it was a GIANT PEE PUDDLE! And there was another spot by my pillow…

My eyes grew red, my hair turned into snakes and I chased the dog around the apartment, yell. Hell hath no fury like a 1L during finals!

After raging around the apartment I took the pee soaked sheets down to the laundry room. I then realized that I had no quarters.
I threw the sheets by the washers and left the building. Two cyclists were standing in the sidewalk right outside of the apartment building. One was yarking everywhere while his friend kept telling him “Cmon man! Try and hold it, we are almost there!”

I side-stepped the puke-fest and went off to give my car a quarter-cavity search. My car was a few blocks away since everyone had already come home for the night…

The washers and dryers are $1.25 per load, and I had 2 loads of sheets so I needed 10 quarters.

So of course my car had 9 quarters.¹

I walked to the corner store clutching my 9 quarters. Mel was begging at the bus stop near the corner store:

Mel: “Can you spare some change?”
Me: “No, sorry.”
Mel: “But you have change right there in your hand!”
Me: “It’s for laundry. My dog pissed all over my sheets. I’m actually getting more change so I can dry them.”
Mel: “Ew…that’s disgusting…you DO need the quarters more than me!”

So apparently I even gross out the neighborhood panhandlers…classy!

The cashier at the corner store could only part with four quarters. He looked at me as if I was laundering money or something. Starbucks and CVS wouldn’t provide change…so I decided to take to the drive-thrus!

I had enough quarters to wash the sheets, so I started the washers and then took Harley to the car.

We started at McDonald’s. My neighborhood McDonald’s is decrepit. Their sign has been burnt out since I’ve moved in. They probably don’t bother fixing it since they close super early anyway (around 10 or 11.)

So I ordered a cheese burger just to find out that they had no quarters in the entire store. I got the burger and dumped the dimes into my console.

Next was White Castle. White Castle gave me two quarters. The lady gave me that “bitch try me” look so I didn’t ask her for more. ²

Taco Bell was the gold mine. I waited in line and watched the lady with the ordering-headset get her hair braided. I sweet talked the wild-eyed cashier into giving me $2.50 in quarters. So I was set for the night!

We got back to the apartment building, (carefully avoiding the puddles of vomit outside) and it was already time to switch the sheets over. It’s going to nice having a sanitary bed again. Mel would be proud. ³

¹ As a rule, when you’re looking for quarters you’re going to have a small fortune in dimes and nickels…
² Despite being a BAD dog tonight, Harley got the double-slider from White Castle…
³ So I was all, “YOU ARE BANNED FROM THE BEDROOM!” but that’s a challenge since it’s technically his “safety spot.” For example, wild Mexican neighbors are shooting off fireworks for Cinco De Mayo and a terrified Harley is scratching at my bedroom door. Hmmf.

1L Spring Summaries / dogs

Best Week Ever #14 & 15: Surprises

May 4, 2009

The past two weeks have been somewhat…surprising.

During week 14 I signed a lease for my first apartment and took a random road trip to Pease, Minnesota to pick up my new dog, Harley-Scalia Jansen.

Moving in was a painfully slow process because of classes, work, and the furniture situation: I only rented a single room at the Gamma house so I had to buy and assemble most of the furniture for the apartment. And assembling furniture is not¹ my forte…

I spent that weekend lugging boxes up the stairs and got the big pieces (couch, bed) done. Good thing too because on Sunday I caught a bullet in my back…

Week #15 started and ended in the ER.

I was shot Sunday, slept Monday (since I was up all of Sunday night) and then went back to school on Tuesday.

ATL picked up the shooting story, so I got to sit in class on Tuesday and watch people read about the hole in my side on their laptop screens.²

Last week was a case study in Minnesota chaotic: over the weekend there was a riot in Dinkytown (where the Gamma house is), a shooting threat that shut down part of campus, and a cyclist run over one street over from the Gamma house.

Thankfully all I had to worry about was dressing my wounds, getting new property handouts, and walking the dog:

A dog walk is what sent me to the ER the second time – Harley lunged after a squirrel in the park and the leash jerked me so violently that the bullet shifted to a new, painful position.

After six or seven hours of neglect I was finally metal-free. I feel like a B-list celebrity in a Jenny Craig commercial who says “I feel lighter than ever before!”

Yes. Thanks to the new Bullet-X plan…zap that metal in your mid-section!

Although I’m actually not lighter than ever before because my running schedule was completely annihilated by “the whole getting shot thing.”

I’m going to let the stitches and the gunshot wound heal for a few more days, and then I’m back to training. Vöt!

¹Yes, that was me strangling my Ikea instruction sheet in the middle of night going “ARGG!” The dog would wake up, roll his eyes, fart, then go back to sleep.

² THAT wasn’t awkward at all… what was awkward however was that kids from Section Fail (who we have crimlaw with) were plotting to piss me off so I would write about them…who does that? Hi.